五种方法让你放轻松

来源5 Ways to Start Letting Go - Manage Your Life on Shine
译者rejoice51

By Susan Candrell  

作者：苏珊·坎德瑞尔

“Letting go is all about adjusting your mindset,” says Pam Peeke, MD, MPH, assistant clinical professor of medicine at the University of Maryland and author of Body for Life for Women. “It starts to happen when the pain of being who and where you are exceeds the work you must do to let go,” says Dr. Peeke. “Once you stop saying ‘but’ and start saying ‘and,’ you’re ready.”

　　“驱除烦恼其实就是调整自己的心态，如果你想成为某个人、身处某一地，而你做了所有力所能及的事，这种愿望还是没有实现。当你有这种痛苦的时候，你就有了烦恼！但当你停止说‘但是’而开始说‘而且’的时候，你就准备好调整自己的心态了。”--帕姆·匹克，来自美国马里兰州，哲学硕士，马里兰大学临床药物教授助教，著有《女人养好身体，健康一生》一书。

For example, you used to say, “I hate my job, but I don’t have time to look for a new one.” Now you’re saying, “I hate my job, and I’ve rewritten my resume.”

　　比如说，你过去曾这样说：“我讨厌我的工作，但是我又没有时间去找一份新工作。”现在你是这样说的：“我讨厌我的工作，而且我已经重新写好了一份简历。”

Letting go not only helps you move closer to change, it also has a positive impact on your health. “When you’re holding on to something or stuck in a situation, your body holds on to that anxiety and is in a perpetual state of fight-or-flight—which can do serious damage to your health,” says Dr. Peeke. Constant anxiety ups your heart rate, blood pressure and even the production of stomach acid: Research shows people who are under constant stress have a twofold increase in GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease). Research has also established that chronically elevated blood pressure also increases your risk of a heart attack.

　　将烦恼赶走不仅能让你有所改变，还对你的健康有好处。“当你心里挂着某件事或在某一情形下不知如何是好，你的身体也会处在焦虑中，而且还可能持续在一种矛盾状态中，这样的话，对你的身体是极有害的”如果你总是处在焦虑之中，不仅你的心率，血压会升高，连胃酸也会分泌得更多。调查显示，如果人们长期处在焦虑中，得胃酸倒流病的机率就增加了二倍。调查结果还表明，如果你长期高血压，心脏病发作的概率也提高了。

“But when the anxiety dissipates, the physical benefits happen within seconds,” explains Dr. Peeke. “Your heart rate drops, as does your blood pressure, and every system of your body that was reacting to the overproduction of stress hormones relaxes.” So how do you actually let go? Follow this roadmap.

　　“但是一旦你的烦恼烟消去散，对身体的好处在几秒钟之内就能显现，心率降低了，血压也降压了，对身体产生的过多的压力激素进行反应的各系统也放松下来了。”嗯，那要怎样赶走烦恼呢？跟着以下步骤来吧！

Disarm Fight-or-Flight

放松下来

“You can’t let go if you’re anchored in fear,” says Kay Cannon, an executive coach in Lexington, Kentucky. “We may feel frustrated or confused or overwhelmed, but it all distills down to fear. And when you’re afraid, your body’s fight-or-flight reaction is in overdrive.” To let go of fear, you have to identify the mindset that’s driving it. “Often people don’t make connections and walk around wondering, Why am I so frustrated?" says Dr. Peeke. “You have to make an inventory of stress to pinpoint what’s causing your fear. Write down everything that’s bugging you and try to understand where it’s coming from.”

　　“如果你处在恐惧之中，那你是放松不了的，可能我们会感到失落、疑惑、不知所措，但是所有的这些到最后都会变成恐惧。而当你处在恐惧之中，你的身体对这些矛盾的反应是超负荷的。”肯塔基州列克星敦市的高级教练凯·卡侬这样说道。要放松，就必须清楚什么让你不轻松。“通常人们都不会有做一些联想，而且走来走去，一直疑惑，为什么我会这么失落呢？你需要把你的烦恼都列出来，然后找出使你害怕的罪魁祸手。把所有使你烦恼的事都写下来，尽量弄清楚这些麻烦是怎么来的。”匹克助教说。

Say you’re overwhelmed by the demands of a new baby and you feel like you’re a bad mother. Ask yourself, “Is this really true?” Probably not. Consider all the parenting knowledge you have and the network of people you can call on to help.

　　比如说，一个婴儿，为了照顾好它，你需要做很多工作，你感觉你都来不及了，觉得自己是一位不称职的妈妈。这时候你就要问自己：“这是真的吗？”绝对不是的，你用自己所知道的一些育儿知识并考虑给你的朋友打去电话，这些都会减少你的压力。

Acknowledge that being a new mom is hard, and that just because you’re not loving every minute of it doesn’t mean you can’t do it well.

　　你要知道，初为人母是不容易的，你可能不是很享受当母亲的每一分钟，但那并不意味着你不能扮演好母亲这个角色。

Or say you want to leave your job for something totally different but can’t imagine what else you’d be good at. Think about how your skills might translate into another job; seek the advice of a career coach; talk to friends about making the change and find out if they know anyone who could help guide you. “Once you learn to trust yourself to handle a situation, it turns off the stress response system,” Cannon says. (Photo by iStockphoto.)

　　或者说你想辞职，去做一份与现在完全不一样的工作，但又不清楚你还有哪方面的特长。努力想一想，看看你还擅长某些技能，能让你找到一份工作的；你还可以去咨询一下事业顾问或与朋友聊聊你的计划，这样就能能打听到，他们是否认识一些人能给你一些指导。“一旦你相信自己能够处理现在的状况，压力就不存在了。”

Step Back

退一步海阔开空

To let go of a mindset or a situation, pull back and go through your emotions about it. Observing something instead of living it allows you to step away from the action and see more clearly how you feel.

　　为了摆脱某一种心理状态或某一种让你难受的情境，尽量往乐观的方面想，然后忍着难受的情绪，忍到头就好了。与其整日不高兴，还不如把注意力转移到别的事物上，这能避免你采取（一些错误的）行动，也能让你清楚自己的感受。

Say you’re angry with a friend who always breaks lunch dates at the last minute. You’ve already told her that it annoys you, but her behavior doesn’t change. Rather than react, “work through your internal emotions,” advises Martha Beck, PhD, author of Steering by Starlight: Find Your Right Life No Matter What!

　　比如说，你对一位朋友非常生气，因为她总是在最后一刻说不能来和你一起吃午饭了。你已经告诉她自己有些不高兴了，但她还是没什么改变。这时候不要做出任何反应，“处理好自己的情绪，”马萨·贝克对人们这样建议道。他是一位哲学博士，同时还是《乐观点：不惜一切代价过好你的生活》一书的作者。

You love your friend but can’t stand the behavior. Is it worth suffering through her behavior to keep her friendship? Would the loss of her friendship be greater than the annoyance of her actions? “Taking yourself out of the situation can help you come to a place where you can let go of your negative emotions and make a clear-headed decision about what to do,” says Dr. Beck.

　　你珍惜自己的朋友，但是却忍受不了他们的某些行为。这时你要想一想，为了保持和她的友谊，一直忍受着她的行为给你带来的烦恼值得吗？朋友是不是比你自己的怨气更重要呢？“这时，让你自己冷静下来，去一个通常能让你摆脱消极情绪的地方，然后再做出清醒的决定，自己要怎样做。”

Diane Brennan, president of Brennan Associates, an executive and life coaching firm in Tucson, Arizona, calls it “the 30,000-foot look.” A woman she was coaching felt angry because she wasn’t getting the promotion she felt she deserved. “When she stopped fixating on the fact that she wasn’t being recognized, she realized that her resentment was draining her and negatively affecting her relationships, personal and professional,” says Brennan. Observing the emotion for a moment instead of living it finally enabled her to let go of—and move past—her anger.

　　黛安娜·布伦南，布伦南联合公司总裁，同时也是总部设在亚利桑那州图森市的一家生活指导公司的管理者。她把这种现象称为“三十万英尺表情”。她的一位客户非常生气，因为自己没有得到认为应得的升职。“当她不再想自己还没被发现时，她意识到，这些怨气正让她一点一点地丧失力量，也影响到了自己与他人的关系，在平常生活中或在工作中人际关系都受到了影响。分析了自己的情绪，而不是一直处在那种烦恼之中，最终那位客户走出了不能升职的阴影，也打消了怨气。”

“She then took inventory of what she was doing at (and after) work and realized she wasn’t taking very good care of herself,” says Brennan. “So she made a conscious This made her interactions with coworkers more positive and helped her approach her boss in a calm, candid way to discuss her career path. She didn’t get the promotion, but she did renegotiate her job duties, which made her feel happier and more in control of the situation.” (Photo by Shutterstock.)

　　“然后，她回顾了一下自己在工作或下班后所做的事，才发现自己都没有好好地照顾自己。所以她下定决心，要好好改善一下。这个决定让她与同事之间的关系越来越好，也使得她能以一种更镇定，更直白的方式与自己的上司谈论自己的工作问题。尽管没有得到升职，但是，通过重新协商，她的工作任务得到了调整，这让她感到非常开心，对发生的事情也更有把握力了。”

Read inspirational essays by three women who learned to let go.

阅读励志文章，作者是三位懂得排除烦恼的女作家。

Pinpoint Your Roadblocks

指出那些让你沮丧的事物

We all have emotions and mental habits that stop us from letting go. Guilt, negative self-talk, always striving for perfection and ruminating are common ones for women. And they tend to build on each other. We’re expected to always be taking care of (and worrying about) everyone else. If we focus on ourselves, we often feel guilty.

　　我们每个人都有情绪，都有一种思维模式，让自己怎么也摆脱不了一些不开心的事。对女人来说，愧疚，消极的自言自语，追求完美，总是陷入反思是女人都有的一些特点。而且在各自的基础上，还有愈演愈烈的趋势。我们通常都会照顾别人，都会为别人而担心。如果我们只关心自己，我们会有一种愧疚感。

“A woman I know used doing community service as a way to stop herself from becoming an artist. It was a convenient (and altruistic) excuse to avoid doing what she really wanted to do. She put her ambition on hold because it felt selfish,” says Laura Berman Fortgang, author of Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction. “We want to do everything really well: be a parent, be a friend, have a successful and fulfilling career. When that doesn’t happen, we take it out on ourselves, and this can lead to negative self-talk,” says Fortgang.

　　“我认识一个女人，她通过在社区帮忙，来让自己不去想那些让不开心的事情。这真的是一个方便又无私的方法，避免了让自己做一些傻事。她把自己的雄心壮志往后推了一下，因为这个壮志让她感觉自己很自私，我们想要把所有事情都做好：做好父母，干好自己的事业。当这些都没有成为现实，它们就都成为了我们负担，到最后可能演变成为自己在自言自语的后果。”-劳拉·拍尔曼·福特干，著有《再来呢？九十天让你对生活又重新有了方向》。

The solution lies not in going over and over a situation, trying to figure out how to get it right or what went wrong (that is, ruminating), but simply recognizing that you’re dwelling on things, which only makes you feel worse. “Some people think they’ll get closure or be motivated by continually focusing on the negative,” says Robert Leahy, PhD, a clinical professor of psychology at Weill-Cornell University Medical Center in New York City and author of The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping You. “But really it just stops you from moving forward.”

　　问题的解决办法不在于你回想过去，找出原因，让事情能得以解决（这个属于深思一类），但是一旦你认识到自己的思想一直停留在一些负面的事情上，那只会让你感觉更糟。“有些人认为，自己会得到解脱或以为总想着一些负面的事会让他们深受鼓舞，但是，我要说，它真的只能使你止步不前。”——罗伯特·利尔，哲学博士，位于纽约的威尔-康奈尔大学医学中心精神科临床教授，著有书籍《烦恼不再-七种方法让你甩掉烦恼，轻松往前走》。

Give yourself a specified amount of time (say, 24 hours) to go over a problem or situation. When time’s up, so is the ruminating, the guilt, the negative self-talk. (Photo by Shutterstock.)

　　给自己一些时间（比如说，24小时），来弄清楚一些问题。当时间到了，就不要再反思，觉得有内疚感，自已对着自己说一些泄气的话了。

Remember, The Only Person You Can Change is Yourself

记住，你能改变的只有你自己

You may have heard this one before, but it’s really crucial to getting in the mindset to let go. And it leads to a big benefit: feeling in control. Maybe you’ve struggled for years, trying to break your family of the little habits that drive you crazy, whether it’s your husband leaving a trail of dirty laundry across the bedroom floor, or a sullen tween who’d rather slam a door than talk to you. You may not be able to reform them, but you can let go of (and control) the anger and frustration you feel about it.

　　可能你以前听过这句话，但是要将句话的真正内涵注入你的思想模式当中，然后帮助你摆脱烦恼，是至关重要的。这样做有一个好处：就是对局势有控制感。可能你为了改掉你家人的一些坏毛病烦恼了很多年，不管是你丈夫把脏衣服在卧室扔了一地，或他在可以选择与你谈一谈的时候偏偏选择摔门而出。你可能改变不了他们，但你可以改变自己的怒火，控制你自己的思想。

Start Small

从小改变开始

A change in mindset doesn’t happen overnight—little changes lead to big ones. Dr. Leahy recommends starting by scheduling some stress or worry time every day. “If you have a negative thought at 10 a.m., say to yourself, I’ll set aside that thought and come back to it during my worry time later tonight,” he explains. “You’ve just let go of that thought. Yes, you’re going to come back to it, but you didn’t let it take over. Doing this helps you practice letting go in a small way every day.” (Photo by Shutterstock.)

　　心态上的改变不是一夜而就的——大改变是由小改变积累而成的。利尔博士建议，一开始的时候，你可以定下一个时间，每天在那个时间处理一下烦恼或压力。“比如说，你在十点的时候，情绪会变得有些消极，我就会先把消极情绪先放一边，今晚到了那个时候，我再来回想这些令我烦恼的事。你这就已经在驱逐烦恼了，的确，烦恼还会来的，但是你没让烦恼占有主动权。每天这样做能够让你练习驱逐烦恼，这样就能一点一点地把烦恼减少了。”

4 Small Changes to Make Today

4.很多个小改变，才有今天的大改变

1. Embrace the mantra "don’t worry, be happy." Yearning for a new job, a new house? Consider your circumstances. You may find that you’re grateful for and content with what you already have.

　　1.总是用“别担心，开心一点”来鼓励自己。想找找一份新工作，一座新房子？考虑下你所处的环境，你会发现，对你已经拥有的，你已经很满足，很感激了。

2. Take a joy test. Home in on the little things that’ll make you happy by finishing these sentences: “I’ve always wanted to…” or “I’d love to…” Think about what’s doable. Maybe you’ve always wanted to speak Spanish or enter a 5K race. Then take steps to weave those things into your life.

　　2.做个能让你开心的测试。对自己说“我一直都很想……”或“我真想……”，在说完这些之后，把精力集中在一些能够让你开心的事情上，你能够行动起来的事情上。也许你一直都想说西班牙语或获得五千米赛跑的冠军。想完之后，你就应该开始将这些事融入到你的生活当中。

3. Make things better right now. Feeling sad because a good friend has moved away? You can’t follow her, but you can stay in touch. Make a regular date to call her on Skype.

　　3.想开点，世界更美好。因为一位好朋友要搬走，你感觉有些难过？你不能跟她一起走，但是你可以和她常联手。你可以和她约好定时在Skype上和她聊一聊天。

4. Ignore the peanut gallery. Fear of being judged by others is often what causes us to stew in negative emotions like guilt. “How could she leave her child with a stranger while she works?” “How selfish is she for going out with friends instead of home to her kids!” If family and friends criticize, don’t react instantly with anger. Take a breath and consider where they’re coming from: Often criticisms come from people’s own insecurities. If their comments aren’t constructive, say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” This will help you let go of any guilt and anger toward them. (Photo by Shutterstock.)

　　4.如果别人对你评论，没什么用，就不用理会了。害怕别人会对自己说三道四，是使我们情绪变得复杂的主要原因。“她怎么能在工作时，把自己的小孩留给陌生人？”“她怎么这么自私，宁愿自己与朋友出去，也不和自己的孩子待在一起！”如果你的家人或朋友批评你，不要马上就生气。吸一口气，想想这些批评是怎么来的：通常情况下，批评是因为人们有安全感。如果他们对你的评论不是建设性的，你可以说：“谢谢，但我认为我现在还用不上你的建议。”这么说就不会让你对他们有内疚情绪和怒气了。