"走马观花"式相亲

Riding the dating-go-round
"走马观花"式相亲

八分钟约会的前身是“快速约会（SpeedDating)，源于犹太人的传统习惯，年轻的单身男女，定期在长辈的陪伴下见面，以避免族外通婚。1999年，美国洛杉矶的犹太教成员YaacovDeyo制定了游戏规则后，SpeedDating马上在西海岸风靡起来，一路传到纽约。接下来的几年里，这种约会方式陆续传播到加拿大、英国等地，最近登陆中国。美国电视剧《欲望都市》中描绘过这样的约会场面：酒吧或是餐馆里，有一群成双成对、谈笑风生的陌生男女，随着每隔8分钟的一次铃响，他们会齐刷刷地站起来变换坐位，寻找新的交谈伙伴。这种8分钟交友方式，一般以8对以上甚至30对的形式出现，喝下午茶或吃晚餐。在活动中不能问对方真实姓名，每人只有编号；不能问对方电话号码，电子邮箱地址；不能问对方详细地址；不能无故纠缠对方。但是，一旦聊得投机而时间已到，怎么办呢？交友结束后，你可将想结交的朋友的编号记下来，再通过活动组织人去联系对方。两天后通过接收电子邮件，你会发现自己受到了一位或两位（甚至三位或更多）对象的青睐。你从无聊等待的日子中走出来，丰富多彩的约会生活在面前悄然打开 …… 八分钟交友活动中，每一个参加者都有机会所有参加活动的异性进行交谈，交谈的时间被规定为 8 分钟，这样每个人都能够保证有机会和自己心仪的人谈话，同时又不会造成你被人缠住，不胜其扰。当然，最终目的只有一个——最短的时间，认识最多的异性。
 

Dai Pengjun, a third-year finance graduate student, is happy to see his life become more colorful after getting to know two female friends recently. He frequently invites them to have a cup of tea or to dance at his school, Central South University in Changsha, Hunan Province.
He met them after talking with more than 10 woman at a speed-dating event organized by the university's grad student union on November 13.
The event attracted 1,200 applicants from Changsha universities. With space limited, the organizers could only choose 300 participants, half women and half men.
The dating included three sections: four minutes of chatting, games and group pictures. It lasted for four hours, and saw 40 couples quickly "matched," according to Di Keda, 25, the chairman of the union and also an ideological and political education grad student.
"It creates more opportunities for grad students to meet friends of the opposite sex, which is good for their psychological health,'' said Di.
Many grad students' worlds become cloistered due to studies and they have fewer chances to meet other men or women. Though they are in their 20s or 30s, some have never even begun a relationship, said Di. "As time goes by, they become poor communicators."
Breaking the ice
On the speed dating day, most applicants dressed up. After a few minutes of anxiety, some students finally broke the ice and the atmosphere became more energized. Participants said they had learned a lot from the experience.
"Starting a conversation isn't as difficult as I have imagined. I know more about how to communicate with women now," Dai said.
It's the third speed dating the university has held since they began last March.
Different results
Some found true love and others couldn't.
Shu Man, 25, a second-year grad student at Liberal Arts of Hunan Normal University in Changsha, met her boyfriend Yang Miao, 23, a second-year chemical grad student at a speed date held at Yang's school last March.
"I just wanted to have a try. At the dating, I knew that Yang was from my hometown, which gave us more in common to talk about," Shu said.
"I hope I could find a boyfriend before graduation. An older age is not an advantage when you're looking for Mr Right."
Their relationship has developed well. She and Yang plan to meet each other's parents in the near future, which means they are closer to marriage.
But it was less happy for others. Some couples broke up several months after learning more about each other, according to Di.
Pros and cons
Sociologists think speed dating is a good way for mature students to learn more about relationships and prepare for future marriage.
"It's helpful for students to learn to socialize well. Chinese culture highlights building families and older students are anxious about marriage. He who strikes first gains the advantage otherwise good candidates will be seized by others," said Li Yinhe, a sociologist at the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences in Beijing.
However, some education experts don't advocate campus speed dating.
"Speed dating is a group action, which easily influence other students. If students fail in their relationship, they will get frustrated. Once they begin a relationship, they put all of their energy into that and their studies suffer," Wang Hongcai, an education professor at Xiamen University, Fujian Province, told the Global Times.
Speed dating also hampers the mission of the university, which should create knowledge, develop critical thinking and healthy personalities. A full-developed and well-educated person will have more chances and abilities to develop a mature relationship, Wang said.