你的价值何在？

It's the most compelling, preoccupying question we measure ourselves by every day, and it has very little to do with money. I'm talking about "worth" as in self-worth and "value," as in the degree to which we feel valued by others, and valuable in the world. Nothing more powerfully influences our behavior and our effectiveness at work.

“我的价值何在？” 这是我们每天自省时最关注和感兴趣的问题，这个问题无关金钱。它指的是自我认同的价值，对别人的价值以及对整个世界的价值。没有什么像它一样影响我们的行为和工作效率了。

Because organizations pay so little attention to how people are feeling in the workplace, and because we ourselves are so often unaware of what we're feeling, we often fail to recognize the effect that our emotions have on us, and on others.

因为一个组织很少关注其成员在工作场所的感觉，也因为我们常常忽略自己的感觉，所以我们经常无法感知情绪对我们及他人的影响。

We all experience challenges to our value at work every day — demanding and critical bosses, difficult clients and customers, tough assignments, tight deadlines, failure to achieve our goals, or the feeling that we're being excluded, singled out, overlooked, or not fully appreciated. Think of each of these as a trigger: an event, a behavior, or a circumstance that prompts negative emotions — and more specifically, the experience of fight or flight.

在工作中，我们每天都会面临自我价值的挑战--严苛的老板、难相处的客户、艰难的任务、紧迫的期限、未能实现目标，或者感觉到别人排斥、孤立、忽视，或者未受到充分赏识。这些事件，行为或情形都会引发负面情绪，更明确的说，一种“战还是逃”的经历。

We don't have to worry anymore about being attacked by real lions and tigers, but we're still vulnerable to threats to our sense of self worth. When we respond in fight or flight, we're less able to think clearly, less flexible, less resilient, and more impulsive and reactive.

我们现在已经不用担心被狮子或老虎袭击了，但自尊受挫时我们仍然很脆弱。当我们处于“战还是逃”的状态时，我们就无法冷静思考，不能灵活处事，而变得冲动和过激。

It's a reverse value proposition: the more we feel threatened, the more energy we spend defending, restoring, and asserting our value, and the less energy we have available to create value.

这是一个关于价值的逆命题：我们越觉得受到威胁，就会花更多的精力来防御、恢复和确认我们的价值，这样就剩下越少的精力来创造价值。

Difficult as they are to calculate, the costs to engagement, productivity, and performance are immense. There may be no more alienating and energy-draining experience at work than feeling diminished and devalued.

(在这种情况下，)人员参与度，生产率和工作效率的损失会非常大，你很难计算整个代价。在工作中没有什么像被贬低和忽略一样让人感到疏远和心力交瘁了。

When we worked at a large, well-known hospital, for example, the nurses told us that the single biggest challenge to their satisfaction and effectiveness was the feeling of not being valued by the doctors. Turnover was a huge problem, even though the nurses loved their work with patients.

例如，当我们在一个著名的大医院工作时，护士会告诉我们最影响他们情绪和工作效率的就是不被医生重视。失误是一个很大的问题，即使护士们喜欢他们照顾病人的工作。

When we asked the doctors to describe their biggest challenge, they were unanimous. It was the feeling of not being appreciated by the hospital's administrators. The origin of the corrosive culture was clear. The president of the hospital, a former surgeon, was well known for his explosive temper and his abusive behavior with both doctors and nurses.

而当我们问医生什么是最大的挑战时，他们一致认为是医院管理者对他们的不欣赏。这种破坏性文化的来源是很清楚的。该医院院长，曾经是一个外科医生，闻名于他的火爆脾气，以及对医生和护士的谩骂。

Our core emotional need is to feel valued. Some years ago, the researcher James Gilligan was called into a prison to try to help out with an inmate who kept assaulting guards, even after he was placed in solitary confinement 24 hours a day.

我们核心的情感需求是被肯定。几年前，一个监狱请James Gilligan研究员去帮助一个不断袭击警卫的囚犯，即使他一天二十四小时都被关禁闭。

"What do you want so badly," Gilligan asked the inmate, "that you are willing to give up everything else in order to get it?"

“什么是你梦寐以求的？”，Gilligan问那个囚犯，“以至于你愿意为它放弃一切？”

"Pride, dignity, and self esteem," the inmate replied, instantly. "And I'm willing to kill any motherf----- in that cell block to get it. If you ain't got pride, you ain't got nothing."

“骄傲、尊严和自尊，”囚犯立刻回答道，“我他妈的愿为此杀掉牢房里的任何人。如果你失去了尊严，你就失去了任何东西。”

Plainly, that's extreme, but as Daniel Goleman has written. "Threats to our standing in the eyes of others are ... almost as powerful as those to our very survival."

很显然，这个囚犯是个极端的例子，但正如Daniel Goleman所写的，“对我们在他人眼中地位的威胁和对生存的威胁一样强大。”

Researchers have found that the highest rises in cortisol levels — the most extreme fight or flight response — are prompted by "threats to one's social self, or threat to one's social acceptance, esteem, and status."

研究人员发现皮质醇水平的急速提升，即最极度的“战还是逃”状态，是由“自我认同，社会认同，自尊和地位受到的威胁”引起的。

Just think about the difference between hearing a compliment and a criticism. Which are you more inclined to believe? What do you dwell on longer?

想想听到赞美和批评的区别吧，你更倾向于相信哪个？哪个会让你念念不忘？

The researcher John Gottman has found that among married couples, it takes at least five positive comments to offset one negative one.

John Gottman研究员发现，在结婚人群中，至少五次正面的评价才能抵消一个负面的评价。

The first move when you've been triggered is the simplest: take a deep breath and exhale slowly. So long as your body is flooded with stress hormones, you literally can't think straight, so it's best not to react at all.

当你的负面情绪被激发时，第一步是最简单的：做一次深呼吸。只要你的体内充满了应激激素，你就不可能清楚地思考了。所以最好的做法就是不做反应。

At The Energy Project, we call this the Golden Rule of Triggers: Whatever you feel compelled to do, don't.

在“能量工程”中，有一条被激怒后黄金法则：不管你多想做什么，都不要去做。

As soon as you're calm enough, ask yourself, "How am I feeling my value is at risk here?" You'll make a fascinating discovery. It's not what the other person said that triggered you; it's how you interpreted it.

当你冷静下来后，问一下自己：“在这种情况下，我如何看待自己的价值？”，你将会有奇妙的发现。并不是别人所说的触发了你的负面情绪，而是你的解读方式触发了它。

The less you can make it about your value, the more control you'll have over how you respond.

越少将其归因于自己的价值，你将越容易去控制如何回应。

When leaders themselves are insecure, the most obvious symptoms are self-aggrandizement, high need for control, poor listening skills and impatience, all of which only make those who work for them feel devalued.

当领导者本身就没有安全感时，最明显的症状就是自我膨胀，加强控制，不会倾听别人，没有耐心，所有这些都使为之工作的人感到低落。

The more genuinely you hold the value of someone you manage — even at moments when you must share a concern — the more focus and positive energy that person will bring to the task at hand.

你越是由衷地发现手下人的价值，他们对手头的工作就越是专注和主动，即使当你必须提出你的担心时。

Turn your awareness on yourself. It's a powerful first step.

开始认识你自己，这是强有力的第一步。

Want to see how well you're managing the energy of those you lead? Take The Energy Audit for Leaders.

想学习如何管理你手下的情绪？参加管理者资源管理课程吧！

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