Chinese student's diary of despair为什么这么难？绝望女大学生日记

导读：由于找不到工作，所以只能靠父母的钱来维持生活，对于父母在经济上不断的支持，而她却不能给予回报，内心充满了愧疚……从希望到绝望(despair)，一位名为刘薇的学生用日记讲述了她的亲身经历。
Chinese student's diary of despair
为什么这么难？绝望女大学生日记
FROM telegraph.co.uk
PUBLISHED: 2009-07-31
http://www.i21st.cn/story/576.html

telegraph.co.uk： Chinese student Liu Wei who, consumed with guilt about her parents' financial sacrifices, took her own life.
2006年11月
November 2006
“在学校上学的时候我曾获得过奖学金，然而现在我却要我的家人来支付我学习的费用。我一定要报答他们，我要攒一笔钱足够让我弟弟盖房子。我的目标就是努力学习，找到一个好工作，挣足够多的钱来赡养我的家人。如果我做不到的话就不能说活得很好。”
"At school, I had a scholarship but now my family has to pay for me to study. I have to pay them back and I have to give money to my brother so he can build a house. My goal is to study hard, get a good job and provide for my family. If I cannot do that, then it is impossible to say that I have a good life."
2007年9月
September 2007
“我并不认为我出生在偏远贫穷的乡下就是件很可悲的事情。可悲的是我要一辈子都待在农村，走不出去。我坚信只要我努力学习的话我就一定能成为城里人。”
"It is not tragic that I was born in a poor family in the countryside. The tragic thing will be if I cannot get out of the countryside. I am sure I can become a city resident after my studies."
“我曾抱怨上天是不公平的，让我出生在这样一个贫穷的农民家庭，然而现在我却不这么想。我的学历背景能让我变得更坚强更成熟。”
"I used to complain that God was not fair to me to let me be born into a poor farmer`s family, but now I will not think that way. My background can make me stronger and more mature."
2008年5月
May 2008
“我简直不敢相信想要找一个兼职的工作竟然会这么难；仅是一个前台接线员的工作就有200多个学生申请。我真不敢想象我毕业后会怎样。”
"I cannot believe it is so difficult to find a part-time job; there were 200 students applying for one part-time job as a receptionist. I cannot imagine what will happen when I graduate."
2008年6月
June 2008
“今天我参加了一个招聘会。来应聘的学生要比招人的公司多出10倍。我被一堆人推来挤去，才终于有机会和人力资源经理说上话。但是他想要招的却是负责销售及促销的员工。这岗位根本就不适合我。我回家后感觉压力倍增。”
"Today I attended a job fair. There were 10 times more students than there were companies. After pushing through the crowds, I finally got the chance to speak to a human resources manager. But all he was looking for were sales and promotion staff, which isn`t suitable for me at all. I came home feeling very stressed."
2008年9月2日
September 2, 2008
“我的自尊心太强了。我太在乎自己了，当初我选择了去上大学而不是去当民工，现在家里欠了许多外债，我却无能为力，什么都做不了。如果我现在在外打工的话，我就可以往家里寄些钱，像村里其他孩子那样回家时给父母带些礼物。我花了许多钱来交学费但却没有学到任何可以让我找到一份工作的东西。现在，我后悔选择上学了”
"My pride is too strong. I care too much about myself. I chose to go to college instead of becoming a migrant worker, but now my family have huge debts and I can do nothing for them. If I was working, I could send money home and bring gifts for my parents like the other children in the village. I have spent lots of money and not even learned anything useful that will get me a job. Now, I regret my choice to study."
2008年10月9日
October 9, 2008
“我是名大学生但我却找不到工作。要是我毕业后回村子里的话该有多丢人啊？我感觉太累了，我想一直睡下去，永远不要醒来。我该怎么办？谁能来解救我？除了父母，我不会留恋这个世界上的任何东西了。”
"I am a college student but I cannot find a job. How ashamed will I be when I have to go back to the village after I graduate? I feel so tired, I want to keep sleeping and never wake up. What shall I do? Who can save me? Apart from my parents, I will not miss anything in this world."
2008年10月18日（日记最后的词条）
October 18, 2008 (final diary entry)
“为什么这么难？”
"Why so difficult?"
(Translator & Editor: 小胡)
阅读工具
despair 绝望
scholarship  奖学金
countryside 乡下,农村
city resident  城市居民
tragic  悲剧的,悲惨的
part-time job 兼职工作
receptionist 接待员
job fair 招聘会
human resources manager 人事经理
promotion  (商品等的)宣传，推销；推销运动
stressed 有压力的
migrant worker 农民工
wake up 醒来