Part 6: Abused family members

Family abuse often
traced to drinking
June 26, 1999
By Eric Newhouse
Tribune Projects Editor
When Great Falls family counselor Wava Goetz reviewed the 700 cases she has handled over the past five years, she made a startling discovery.
Two-thirds were alcohol-related.
Many families were seeking help for problems fueled by alcohol abuse by one or both spouses. Others reported problems resulting from a history of alcoholism within the immediate family.
"Without alcohol, I‘d probably be out of business," Goetz said, "and that would be a happy day."
Researchers at the federal Center on Substance Abuse Treatment say alcohol is involved in about half the incidents of domestic violence, and that about 40 percent of male batterers are heavy or binge drinkers.
"A recent study found that more than half the defendants accused of murdering their spouses had been drinking alcohol at the time," said the report.
The study of more than 2,000 American couples also found rates of domestic violence were almost 15 times higher in households where husbands were described as often drunk as opposed to never drunk.
"Couples argue more when they drink," Goetz said.
With inhibitions low and emotions high, it‘s easy for underlying anger to pop out, she said.
A submissive spouse can‘t learn to be more self-assertive if she knows she is going to be beaten up, Goetz explained, and an abuser can‘t see changes he needs to make in his life if he‘s drunk frequently.
"Some people use alcohol as a temporary way of numbing their anger," she said, "but others use it as an excuse — ‘I was drunk so it was OK to blow up and beat my wife.‘ "
Abuse is the only way some people know to handle anger, she said.
In her 14 years, Shauna has seen a lifetime of drunken abuse.
The Great Falls seventh-grader has been beaten, yelled at, sexually abused and introduced to alcohol and drugs — all by family members.
"My brother hit me in the face once," she said. "Everything went white, and I fell backward into a stairwell. He started kicking me in the ribs and wouldn‘t stop until someone pulled him off me."
Bruised ribs kept her in bed for five days.
It was her brother who introduced her to methamphetamines, Shauna said, and her brother and his friends would buy her 40-ounce bottles of beer that they would drink behind closed doors in the bedroom.
"When he abused me, it was usually no big deal because I was high," she said. "But later, I‘d drink more to escape the pain."
The last names of Shauna and other abuse victims interviewed for this story are being withheld by the Tribune because their abusers have not been convicted of a crime.
Shauna‘s mother remembers the Christmas of 1997, when her son — coming down off a high on drugs and alcohol — scarred her face.
"He had me on the floor, pounding my head against the floor and clawing my face with his fingernails," said Shauna‘s mom. "My 10-year-old finally got through to the police, and they were there in about two minutes."
Shauna‘s brother is now in prison on unrelated charges.
"I don‘t know if he even realizes what he has done to us," said her mom.
"I think he does," said Shauna, "but he doesn‘t know it‘s wrong."
However, Goetz thinks reform is always a possibility.
"Anyone can change if they are motivated to get better and if they have competent help to do it," she said. "So I don‘t write anyone off.
"But I‘m also realistic enough to know that not many people will actually make radical life changes," she added. "Most people just do the minimum to comply with a court order or to get a spouse back."
Booze and abuse
In 1998, there were 370 reports of domestic abuse, with 295 arrests in Great Falls, said Police Chief Bob Jones. That‘s an increase from 1997, when there were 342 domestic abuse reports and 287 arrests.
"Most of our domestic abuse cases involve alcohol, either by one or both parties," Jones said. "Alcohol plays a great part. People get angry, don‘t try to defuse the situation, and that leads to assaults."
Montana instituted a Domestic Violence Program last October with a statewide budget of $652,000 to assist human services agencies.
According to the Department of Public Health and Human Services, In 1996, those agencies provided these services:
Tracked 3,000 cases of reported partner violence;
Received 15,000 calls to crisis lines;
Gave 18,000 nights of shelter to families;
Provided shelter to 900 women and 850 children;
Served 170 battered men.
"A lot of people don‘t come forward because of the embarrassment," said Bill Loy, executive director of the Anger Control Education program at the University of Great Falls.
"Men are particularly embarrassed that their wives are beating them up," he added, "and they don‘t want to see their names in the paper."
War zone for women
But women most frequently are the victims.
"The battered woman lives in a war zone," said a report by the federal Center on Substance Abuse Treatment. "She rarely knows what will trigger an abusive episode, and often there is little, if any, warning of its approach.
"Financial constraints and fear that the batterer will act on his threats to harm family members or continually harass, stalk and possibly kill her often inhibit victims from leaving," it added.
There‘s been a renewed interest in domestic abuse in the five years since O.J. Simpson‘s murder acquittal.
Local police and prosecutors have been given extensive training and new tools to combat abuse, and the federal government has pitched in more than $1.6 billion to fund abuse prevention.
Loy finds that alcohol and anger come in the same package so he treats them together in his Anger Control Education classes.
"I would say that alcohol aggravates the situation for males in a good 85 percent of the cases and for women in at least 65 percent," said Loy.
Alcoholism is based in fear, he maintains.
"Most alcoholics have an insecurity that doesn‘t allow them to communicate their emotions properly," he said.
"They suppress their emotions until they ingest alcohol," said Loy. "Then those emotions come out improperly and start fights, which leads to domestic violence."
Shame, remorse, guilt and anger build up to trigger a cycle of domestic violence that recurs regularly.
"We aren‘t a treatment center here, but the role of alcohol comes up nightly in our group discussions on anger control," Loy said. "It‘s an issue we address frequently."
About 200 clients a year come through the program, he said. Some are ordered by the court, others are referred by employers, and some come to try to save marriages.
"We have an extremely low recidivism rate," said Loy, "but every single person who has had to repeat this class had alcohol as a primary problem."
Generations of abuse
Diane, a Great Falls woman, says abuse ran through several generations of her family.
"My dad would sit down at the kitchen table and drink blackberry brandy all weekend. He and my mom were both the children of alcoholics, and it had been in their families for years," she said.
"I was the second oldest child, and I took the blame for almost everything. There were a lot of beatings. I never could figure out what I‘d done so wrong to get beat so hard."
On her 13th birthday, her beatings stopped and her own drinking began.
"We‘d find someone to buy beer for us," she said. "They‘d drop us off in the mountains and frequently they‘d come party with us."
Her marriage resembled her childhood.
"We drank a lot, got into fights and knocked each other around a lot throughout the entire marriage," she said.
"I have to admit I brought a lot of it on myself just to get attention," she added, "and I could be abusive too."
Children as victims
In the United States, a woman is beaten every 12 seconds, according to the federal Center for Substance Abuse Treatment, and about half of wife and child beaters have substance abuse problems.
The centers pegs the medical costs of injuries to women by abusers at more than $44 million annually.
But that‘s only part of the problem.
Experts say 3 million children witness acts of violence against their mothers each year, leaving many of them primed for similar abuse in their own adult lives.
In Montana, a child is reported abused or neglected every 30 minutes, according to the Children‘s Defense Fund of Washington, D.C.
In its report last year, the National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse said most states listed alcohol and drug abuse as one of the main causes for neglect and abuse.
More than 3 million children nationally were reported to state agencies as suspected child abuse or neglect cases in 1996 — an 18 percent increase since 1990.
Anger and sex
Sex abuse can be one of the most devastating to the victims.
On her 14th birthday, Shauna‘s biological father came to take her away in his interstate truck.
"I didn‘t know much about him, but I knew he was my other half and I wanted to get to know him," she said.
"All I wanted was a father, but he abused me sexually in his truck for two months and made me feel like s—-.
"He bought me all kinds of expensive things, but I‘d rather live poor than live like that," she said. "Finally, my mom came out on a bus and got me out of there."
Candy remembers her drunken brother beginning to sneak into her room at night when she was about 10.
Candy‘s father was an angry drunk, then her brother became one.
"My brother was angry at my father never being around, angry about his drinking, and very protective of my mother," she said. "He would deny it today, but he became my father through and through."
Candy‘s turning point came when her mother came to wake her up one morning and found her brother asleep beside her in bed.
"She just turned around and walked out," Candy said.
"And I knew then I would never get any help from her either, so I had to become more and more skillful at protecting myself."
Seeking shelter
One place in Great Falls for abused women to get help is the Mercy Home, which is run by the YWCA.
Last year, the Mercy Home provided shelter and emergency services for 175 women and children, said Lori Novak, director of the YWCA.
That‘s down slightly from 190 the previous year.
"Now that the new jail is open, women can get a 24-hour period of protection in which they can apply for a court-ordered writ of protection," she said, "and we‘re also seeing an increase in the number of applications for protection.
"While I‘m a little hesitant to praise the building of a new jail, this does seem to be making a difference."
In 1998, 370 incidents of domestic violence were reported in Great Falls. But records are not kept on what percentage of domestic violence is fueled by alcohol.
"I strive to promote accountability, that a person is responsible for a crime, not the substance," said Heidi Gibson, the center‘s domestic violence counselor.
"Some people try to blame the substance," she added, "but I don‘t let them do that."
Road to recovery
Candy, Diane and Shauna are all on the road to recovery.
It has taken 20 years of therapy for Candy to deal with the scars from her childhood.
"I was chronically depressed from all the abuse at home," she said. "There never was a day when I didn‘t think about dying as a way to escape the pain. Mercifully, I never attempted it — I was a survivor."
As her marriage was ending, Diane went through treatment — but it backfired the first time.
Instead, she became addicted to poker.
"The anger, fear, guilt and shame all built up, and I stole my ex-husband‘s checkbook and wrote bad checks all up and down this town," said Diane.
Since her arrest Jan. 4, 1997, she has been sober, she said.
"Now I don‘t need a drink or a poker machine to have fun," she said.
Shauna went into treatment at Benefis Healthcare.
At first, she was doing it only for her mom. Then she was caught with Dexedrine at school and charged with felony drug possession.
At that point, she said, she knew she needed to turn her life around.
"I couldn‘t control anything that was happening in my life," said Shauna. "People were walking all over me."
Shauna said she has learned to be more assertive and to talk about her problems. And she‘s able to help her mom at work, which makes her feel productive and provides an income.
"Treatment helped me see who I am, what good I am," she said. "It helped me enjoy life and accept myself."
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