家庭第一对成功的家庭功能键：通讯

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Rick Peterson, Extension Specialist and Assistant Professor, Department of Human Development, and Stephen Green, Graduate Student, Department of Human Development, Virginia Tech里克彼得森，推广专家，助理教授，人力发展部，王志浩，研究生，人力发展部，弗吉尼亚理工大学

Effective communication is an important characteristic of strong, healthy families.有效的沟通是一个强有力的，健康的家庭的重要特征。 Research identifies communication as an essential building block of strong marital, parent-child, and sibling relationships.研究确定通信作为一种强有力的婚姻，父母与子女的重要组成部分，和兄弟的关系。

Family communication is the way verbal and non-verbal information is exchanged between family members (Epstein et al.,1993). 家庭成员的沟通方式是口头和非言语之间交换信息的家人（爱泼斯坦等人。，1993）。

Family Communication家庭沟通

Family communication refers to the way verbal and non-verbal information is exchanged between family members (Epstein, Bishop, Ryan, Miller, & Keitner, (1993). Communication involves the ability to pay attention to what others are thinking and feeling. In other words, an important part of communication is not just talking, but listening to what others have to say.家庭沟通是指语言和非语言信息是家庭成员之间（爱泼斯坦，主教，瑞安，米勒，及Keitner，（1993）交换的方式。传播涉及的支付能力，注意别人的想法和感受。在其他也就是说，一个沟通的重要组成部分不仅仅是说话，但听别人说的话。

Communication within the family is extremely important because it enables members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other.家庭内的沟通是非常重要，因为它使成员表达他们的需要，愿望和彼此关切。 Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another.公开和诚实的沟通创造一种气氛，使家庭成员表达对彼此的分歧，以及爱和钦佩。 It is through communication that family members are able to resolve the unavoidable problems that arise in all families.它是通过家庭成员的沟通，能够解决的，在所有的家庭出现难以回避的问题。

Just as effective communication is almost always found in strong, healthy families, poor communication is usually found in unhealthy family relationships.同样有效的沟通几乎总是在强，健康的家庭发现，缺乏沟通通常是在不健康的家庭关系。 Marriage and family therapists often report that poor communication is a common complaint of families who are having difficulties.婚姻与家庭治疗师常常报告说，缺乏沟通是有困难的家庭谁是常见的抱怨。 Poor communication is unclear and indirect.沟通不畅是不明确和间接的。 It can lead to numerous family problems, including excessive family conflict, ineffective problem solving, lack of intimacy, and weak emotional bonding.它可以导致许多家庭问题，包括过度的家庭矛盾，解决问题不力，缺乏亲密，情感和弱粘结。

Researchers have discovered a strong link between communication patterns and satisfaction with family relationships (Noller & Fitzpatrick, 1990).研究人员发现了与家人的关系（洛勒尔和菲茨帕特里克，1990年）之间的沟通模式和满意度的密切联系。 In fact, one researcher discovered that the more positively couples rated their communication, the more satisfied they were with their relationship five and a half years later (Markman, 1981).事实上，一位研究人员发现，夫妻更积极的评价他们的沟通，更满意他们与他们的关系五年半年后（马克曼，1981）。

Poor communication is also associated with an increased risk of divorce and marital separation and more behavioral problems in children.沟通不畅也与一离婚和分居与儿童行为问题的风险增加更多。

Instrumental and Affective Communication器乐与情感沟通

Communication can be divided into two different areas: instrumental and affective.通信可以分为两个不同的领域：器乐和情感。 Instrumental communication is the exchange of factual information that enables individuals to fulfill common family functions (eg, telling a child that he/she will be picked up from school at a specific time and location).器乐通信是信息交流的事实，使个人能够完成普通家庭功能（例如，讲他/她将被学校接走了在特定时间和地点的孩子）。 Affective communication is the way individual family members share their emotions with one another (eg, sadness, anger, joy).情感沟通是个别家庭成员的方式分享彼此（例如，悲伤，愤怒，喜悦）他们的情绪。

Some families function extremely well with instrumental communication, yet have great difficulty with affective communication.有些家庭功能与工具的沟通非常好，但有情感的沟通非常困难。 Healthy families are able to communicate well in both areas.健康的家庭都能够在这两个领域沟通很好。

Affective communication refers to how individual family members share their emotions with one another. 情感的沟通，是指每个家庭成员如何分享彼此的情感，拥有。

Clear vs. Masked and Direct vs. Indirect Communication清晰的对比和直接与间接屏蔽通信

Communication can be clear or masked and direct or indirect (Epstein, Bishop, Ryan, Miller, & Keitner, 1993).通讯可以被清除或掩盖，直接或间接（爱泼斯坦，主教，瑞安，米勒，及Keitner，1993）。 Clear communication occurs when messages are spoken plainly and the content is easily understood by other family members.清除传播发生明显邮件时发言，内容也很容易被其他家庭成员的理解。 Masked communication occurs when the message is muddied or vague.屏蔽通信发生的消息时模糊不清或模棱两可。

Communication is direct if the person spoken to is the person for whom the message is intended.如果是直接沟通的人讲的是给他的信息是为了人。 In contrast, communication is indirect if the message is not directed to the person for whom it is intended.与此相反，沟通是间接的，如果该邮件不定向到人，这是有意的人。

Four Styles of Communication四种沟通方式

Epstein et al.爱泼斯坦等人。 (1993) have identified the following four styles of communication. （1993年）已经确定了以下四种风格的沟通。

1. Clear and Direct Communication明确和直接的沟通

   Clear and direct communication is the most healthy form of communication and occurs when the message is stated plainly and directly to the appropriate family member.明确而直接的沟通是最健康的沟通形式和发生的消息时说显然并直接向适当的家庭成员。 An example of this style of communication is when a father, disappointed about his son failing to complete his chore, states, "Son, I'm disappointed that you forgot to take out the trash today without my having to remind you."这方面的一个例子的沟通方式是，当一个父亲，他未能完成他的苦差事，各国的儿子感到失望，“儿子，我很失望，你忘了没有我不得不提醒你去倒垃圾今天。”

2. Clear and Indirect Communication清除和间接通信

   In this second style of communication, the message is clear, but it is not directed to the person for whom it is intended.在这第二个样式的沟通，信息是明确的，但它不是针对它的目的是为他们的人。 Using the previous example, the father might say, "It's disappointing when people forget to complete their chores."使用前面的例子中，父亲可能会说，“这是令人失望的，当人们忘记完成家务。” In this message the son may not know that his father is referring to him.在此消息的儿子可能不知道，他的父亲是指他。

3. Masked and Direct Communication蒙面和直接的沟通

   Masked and direct communication occurs when the content of the message is unclear, but directed to the appropriate family member.蒙面和直接的沟通发生时，该邮件的内容不明确的，但直接向相应的家庭成员。 The father in our example may say something like, "Son, people just don't work as hard as they used to."在我们的例子父亲可能会说类似“儿子，人就是不一样努力工作，因为他们习惯了。”

4. Masked and Indirect Communication头戴面具，间接通信

   Masked and indirect communication occurs when both the message and intended recipient are unclear.头戴面具，间接通信时，会发生两个消息和接收者都不清楚。 In unhealthy family relationships, communication tends to be very masked and indirect.在不健康的家庭关系，沟通往往是十分蒙面和间接的。 An example of this type of communication might be the father stating, "The youth of today are very lazy."这方面的一个类型的沟通的例子，说明可能是父亲，“今天的青年是很懒惰。”

Keys to Building Effective Family Communication建立有效的钥匙家庭沟通

• Communicate Frequently经常沟通

  One of the most difficult challenges facing families today is finding time to spend together.最困难的家庭面临的挑战之一是今天抽空一起度过。 According to a recent Wall Street Journal survey, 40% of the respondents stated that lack of time was a greater problem for them than lack of money (Graham & Crossan, 1996).根据最近的华尔街日报的调查，40％的受访者表示，缺乏时间对他们来说是一个更大的问题比钱（格雷厄姆与克罗桑，1996）缺乏。

  With our busy schedules, it is difficult to find sufficient time to spend with one another in meaningful conversation.在繁忙的日程，很难找到足够的时间陪伴一个有意义的谈话另一个。 It is extremely important for families to make time to communicate.这是极为重要的家庭要抓紧时间进行交流。 Talk in the car; turn the TV off and eat dinner together; schedule informal or formal family meetings to talk about important issues that affect your family; and talk to your children at bedtime.在车里的谈话;关掉电视和一起吃晚餐;举行非正式或正式的家庭会议，讨论影响你的家庭的重要问题;和交谈睡前给你的孩子。 There are many creative ways to make time to communicate with other family members.有许多创造性的方式，使时间与其他家庭成员。

• Communicate Clearly and Directly显然，直接沟通

  Healthy families communicate their thoughts and feelings in a clear and direct manner.健康家庭的沟通和直接的方式明确他们的想法和感受。 This is especially important when attempting to resolve problems that arise between family members (eg, spouse, parent-child).这一点尤其重要，当试图解决的问题，家庭成员之间的（例如配偶，父母，子女）出现。 Indirect and vague communication will not only fail to resolve problems, but will also contribute to a lack of intimacy and emotional bonding between family members.间接的，模糊的沟通，不仅未能解决问题，而且也将有助于缺乏一个亲密的家庭成员之间的感情纽带。

• Be An Active Listener是一个积极的倾听

  An essential aspect of effective communication is listening to what others are saying.一种有效沟通的重要方面是听别人说的话。 Being an active listener involves trying your best to understand the point of view of the other person.作为一个积极的倾听你最好涉及试图了解其他人的观点。 Whether you are listening to a spouse or a child, it is important to pay close attention to their verbal and non-verbal messages.无论你是听一个配偶或子女，重要的是要密切注意他们的语言和非语言讯息。 As an active listener, you must acknowledge and respect the other person's perspective.作为一个活跃的听众，你必须承认和尊重对方的观点。 For example, when listening to a spouse or child, you should nod your head or say, "I understand," which conveys to the other person that you care about what he or she has to say.例如，当听一个配偶或子女，你应该点点头或说，“我明白”，这传达给其他人，你关心他或她的意见。 Another aspect of active listening is seeking clarification if you do not understand the other family member.积极倾听的另一个方面是要求澄清，如果你不理解对方的家庭成员。 This can be done by simply asking, "What did you mean when you said..?"这可以通过简单地问：“什么时候你说你的意思..？” or "Did I understand you correctly?"或“我知道你有没有正确？”

    

  Active listening involves acknowledging and respecting the other person's point of view. 积极倾听包括承认和尊重其他人的角度来看。

• In order for effective communication to take place within families, individual family members must be open and honest with one another.为了采取有效的沟通，家庭内发生，个别家庭成员必须相互开放和诚实的。 This openness and honesty will set the stage for trusting relationships.这种公开和诚实的信任，将建立关系的阶段。 Without trust, families cannot build strong relationships.没有信任，家庭不能建立牢固的关系。 Parents, especially, are responsible for providing a safe environment that allows family members to openly express their thoughts and feelings.父母，特别是，有责任提供一个安全的环境，使家庭成员公开表达自己的想法和感受负责。

• Think About the Person With Whom You Are Communicating想想你是和谁交流的人

  Not all family members communicate in the same manner or at the same level.并非所有的家庭成员沟通，在相同的方式或在同一水平。 This is especially true of young children.这是真实的，尤其是幼童。 When communicating with young children, it is important for adults to listen carefully to what the children are saying without making unwarranted assumptions.在与年轻的子女沟通，重要的是成年人听清楚孩子们说，不作无根据的假设。 It is also important to take into consideration the ages and maturity levels of children.同样重要的是考虑到儿童的年龄和成熟程度。 Parents cannot communicate with children in the same way that they communicate with their spouse because the child may not be old enough to understand.家长不能与孩子们以同样的方式，他们与配偶沟通，因为孩子可能不再是老足以理解。

• Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Messages重视非语言讯息

  In addition to carefully listening to what is being said, effective communicators also pay close attention to the non-verbal behaviors of other family members.除了认真听取所说的内容，有效的沟通也密切关注其他家庭成员的非语言行为。 For example, a spouse or child may say something verbally, but their facial expressions or body language may be telling you something completely different.例如，配偶或子女可口头上说些什么，但他们的面部表情或肢体语言告诉你一些可能会完全不同。 In cases such as these, it is important to find out how the person is really feeling.在这样的情况下，重要的是要找出真正的人是怎样的感觉。

• Be Positive是积极的

  While it is often necessary to address problems between family members, or to deal with negative situations, effective communication is primarily positive.虽然它往往是必要处理家庭成员之间的问题，或处理负的情况下，有效的沟通，主要是积极的。 Marital and family researchers have discovered that unhappy family relationships are often the result of negative communication patterns (eg, criticism, contempt, defensiveness).婚姻和家庭问题研究人员发现，不幸的家庭关系往往是负面的沟通模式（例如，批评，蔑视，防卫）的结果。 In fact, John Gottman and his colleagues have found that satisfied married couples had five positive interactions to every one negative interaction (Gottman, 1994).事实上，约翰高特曼和他的同事们发现，已婚夫妇有五个满意良性互动的每一个负面作用（高特曼，1994）。 Couples who are very dissatisfied with their relationships typically engage in more negative interactions than positive.谁是与他们的关系非常不满的夫妻通常比正进行更多的负面互动。 It is very important for family members to verbally compliment and encourage one another.这是非常重要的家庭成员以口头表扬和鼓励对方。

Focus on Family Strengths注重家庭的优势

Communication is a key to successful family functioning.沟通是成功的家庭功能的关键。 Researchers agree that clear, open, and frequent communication is a basic characteristic of a strong, healthy family.研究人员都清楚，开放，频繁的沟通是一个强大的，健康的家庭的基本特征。 Families that communicate in healthy ways are more capable of problem-solving and tend to be more satisfied with their relationships.在家庭沟通更健康的方式解决问题的能力，而且往往与他们的关系更加满意。

Family Assessment家庭评估

Successful Healthy families periodically take inventory of their strengths and weaknesses and take steps to improve their home and family environment.成功的健康的家庭定期利用自己的优势和薄弱环节，并采取措施改善他们的家庭和家庭环境。 Isn¼t it time your family took an inventory of how well it is doing?难道不是¼吨它时间您的家人也采取了一个它是如何做的库存？

References参考文献

Epstein, NB Bishop, D., Ryan, C., Miller, & Keitner, G., (1993).爱泼斯坦，毒品调查科主教，博士，瑞安，三，米勒，与Keitner湾，（1993）。 The McMaster Model View of Healthy Family Functioning.健康的家庭功能麦克马斯特模型视图。 In Froma Walsh (Eds.), Normal Family Processes (pp. 138-160).在Froma沃尔什（主编），普通家庭运作过程（页138-160）。 The Guilford Press: New York/London.在吉尔福德新闻：纽约/伦敦。

Gottman, JM (1994).高特曼，译（1994）。 Why marriages succeed or fail.为什么婚姻成功或失败。 New York: Simon & Schuster.纽约：西蒙与舒斯特。

Graham, E., & Crossan, C. (1996).格雷厄姆，大肠杆菌，及克罗桑译（1996）。 Too much to do, too little time.太多的事情要做，时间太少。 Wall Street Journal, March 8, R1-R4.华尔街日报3月8中，R1 - R4的。

Markman, HJ (1981).马克曼，黄建忠（1981）。 Prediction of marital distress: A 5-year follow-up.婚姻危机的预测：5年随访。 Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 49, 760-762.杂志的咨询和临床心理学，49，760-762。

Noller, P., & Fitzpatrick, MA (1990).洛勒尔，体育，和帕特里克，硕士（1990年）。 Marital communication in the eighties.在八十年代婚姻沟通。 Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, 832-843.作者：婚姻与家庭，52，832-843。

Reviewed by Novella Ruffin, Extension Specialist, Virginia State University 审查中篇小说鲁芬，推广专家，弗吉尼亚州立大学

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Virginia Cooperative Extension materials are available for public use, re-print, or citation without further permission, provided the use includes credit to the author and to Virginia Cooperative Extension, Virginia Tech, and Virginia State University.弗吉尼亚合作推广材料，供市民使用，重新打印，或没有提供进一步的许可，引用，提供了使用包括信贷的作者和弗吉尼亚合作推广，弗吉尼亚理工大学和弗吉尼亚州立大学。

Publisher出版商

Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University, Virginia State University, and the US Department of Agriculture cooperating.合作推广工作在推进分，弗吉尼亚理工学院和州立大学，弗吉尼亚州立大学和美国农业部合作。 Alan L. Grant, Dean, College of Agriculture and Life Sciences, and Interim Director, Virginia Cooperative Extension, Virginia Tech, Blacksburg;  Wondi Mersie, Interim Administrator,1890 Extension Program, Virginia State, Petersburg.艾伦属格兰特，院长，农业和生命科学学院和临时主任，弗吉尼亚合作推广，弗吉尼亚理工大学，布莱克斯堡; Wondi Mersie，临时管理员，1890年扩建计划，弗吉尼亚州，圣彼得堡。

Date日期

May 1, 2009 2009年5月1日