27 Skills Your Child Needs to Know That She’s...

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27 Skills Your Child Needs to Know That She’s Not Getting In School

Every Tuesday isFinance & Family Day at Zen Habits.
Everyone knows that our school system, in general, is not giving our kids the basic reading, writing, ‘rithmatic and science skills needed to be competitive in the high-tech workforce of the upcoming generation (at least, that’s the general assumption, and we won’t argue it here).
But there’s much more to life than those basic subjects, and unless you have an exceptional teacher who is willing to break out of the mold, your child isn’t learning the crucial things he or she needs to learn in life.
Think about your own experience for a moment. When you got out of high school, did you know everything you needed in order to survive in life, let alone succeed? If you were lucky, you knew how to read and had some basic history and math skills, and if you were even luckier, you had good study habits that would serve you well in college.
But were you prepared for life? Most likely not, unless you had parents who did you that favor. In fact, many of us screwed up our early adult lives because we didn’t know those skills — and we’re paying the consequences now.
That’s a part of life, you might say, learning these lessons. But it’s also possible to prepare your child a bit before they go out on their own, and if we can’t get the schools to teach these skills, then let’s do it ourselves.
What follows is a basic curriculum in life that a child should know before reaching adulthood. There will probably be other skills you can add to this list, but at least it’s a starting point.
A note on how to teach these things: These subjects should not be taught by lectures or textbooks. They can only be taught by setting examples, by conversation, by showing, and by allowing the child (or teenager) to do these things on their own (with supervision at first). Once you’ve talked about the skill, showed your child how to do it, and let them do it under supervision a few times, give your child the trust to do it on his own, and to learn from his own mistakes. Check back every now and then to talk about what he’s learned.
Financial
Saving. Spend less than you earn. It’s such a simple maxim, and yet very few young adults understand it or know how to follow it. Teach your child from a young age to put part of money he receives or earns in the bank. Teach him how to set a savings goal, and save for it, and then purchase whatever it is he was saving for.
Budgeting. Many of us dread this task as adults, and suffer because of it, because we lack the understanding and skills necessary to make budgeting a breeze. Teach them simple budgeting skills, and what’s involved, and they won’t have problems as an adult. You could wait until teenage years to do something like this — but it’s a good thing because this shows them why basic math is necessary.
Paying bills. Give them bills to pay and have them pay it on time, online or in the real world. Learn how to write a check, paper and online, and how to make sure that you’re never late with bills again — either pay them immediately or automatically.
Investing. What is investing and why is it necessary? How do you do it and what are different ways of doing it? How do you research an investment? How does it compound over time? This is a good conversation to have with your teen.
Frugality. This is something to teach them from an early age. How to shop around to get a good deal, to compare between products of different prices and quality, to make things last and not waste, to cook at home instead of eating out too much, to control impulse buying. When we go out and do a shopping spree, including before Christmas, we are teaching them just the opposite.
Credit. This is a major problem for many adults. Teach them the responsible use for credit, and how to avoid it when it’s not necessary, and how to avoid getting into too much debt, and how to use a credit card responsibly.
Retirement. Is it better to work hard and retire or to take mini-retirements throughout life? That’s a personal question, but your child should be aware of the options and the pros and cons of each, and how to do each. Why it’s important to start investing in retirement when you’re young, and how much of a difference that can make through compound interest. How to do it automatically.
Charity. Why this is an important use of your money, and how to make it a regular habit. This should be not only a financial issue, but a social one. Show them how to volunteer their time and effort as well.
Thinking
Critical thinking. One of the most important skills not taught in school. These days, we are taught to be robots, to listen to the teacher and not to question, to accept what we are told and not to think, to be good employees and to shut up. If you’re an employer, you might want your employees to be like this, and if you’re a politician, you might want your citizens to be like this. But is that how you want your child to be? An unquestioning, naive, ignorant citizen/employee/student? If so, carry on. If not, just start introducing the habit of questioning why? And the skill of find out the answer. And how to question authority — there is no one right answer. Conversation is a good way to accomplish this skill.
Reading. Sure, we’re taught to read. But schools most often make this boring. Show your child the wonderful imaginative worlds there are out there. And show them how to find out about stuff in the world through the Internet, and how to evaluate what they read for credibility, logic, factualness.
Success
Positive thinking. While critical thinking is an important skill, it’s also important to have a positive outlook on life. Sure, things may be screwed up, but they can be changed for the better. Find solutions instead of complaints. And most of all, learn to believe in yourself, and to block out negative self-thinking.
Motivation. Learn that discipline isn’t the key to achieving a goal, but motivation. How to motivate yourself, different strategies, and how great it feels to achieve a goal. Start them with small, easily achievable goals, and let them develop this skill.
Procrastination. It’s a problem we all deal with as adults (and even as kids). Now, I believe that there should be a time for goofing off, being lazy, and having fun. But when there’s something to do that we really need to do, how do we get ourselves to do it? Learn the reasons behind procrastination, and how to address them. How to beat procrastination.
Passion. One of the most important ways to be successful is to find something you’re passionate about, and do that for a living. Your child won’t know the answer at a young age, but you should show her how to find her passion and how to pursue it, and why that’s important.
Social
Anti-competition. As kids, we’re taught how to be competitive. In the adult world, that’s how we behave. And that results in back-stabbing, undercutting, feelings of resentment, and other life-affirming things like that. Instead, teach your child how there is room for many people to be successful, and how you’re more likely to be successful if you help others to be successful, and how they’ll help you in return. Learn that making friends and allies is better than making enemies, and how to do that. Learn cooperation and teamwork before competition.
Compassion. Not taught in the schools at all. In fact, instead of teaching children how to empathize with others and try to ease their suffering, our schools often teach children to increase the suffering of others. Learn to put yourself in the shoes of others, to try to understand them, and to help them end their suffering.
Love. Compassion’s twin brother, love differs only in that instead of wanting to ease the suffering of others, you want their happiness. Both are crucial.
Listening. Are our children taught how to listen in school? Or how to talk at someone. Perhaps that’s why many adults don’t have this critical skill. Learn how to truly listen to someone, to understand what they’re saying, to empathize.
Conversation. Goes hand-in-hand with listening, but the art of conversation is something that isn’t taught in school. In fact, kids are taught that conversation is bad in most cases. But in most cases, a conversation is what is needed, not a lecture. This is an extremely important social skill that should start in the home. Learn to converse with your child instead of talk at him.
Practical
Auto. Why cars are needed (no, not to look cool), how to buy a practical car, how to take care of it. How the engine works, what might break down, and how it’s fixed. Should be taught to both boys and girls (that should be obvious, but I had to say it).
Household. How to fix things around the house and keep things maintained. Plumbing, electricity, heating and cooling, painting, roofing, lawn, all that good stuff. The tools and skills necessary to do just the basic maintenance and repairs. And how to know when to call a professional.
Cleaning. Too many adults grow up without knowing how to do laundry, to clean a house properly, to keep the house clean and uncluttered, to have a weekly and monthly cleaning routine. Teach your child all these things instead of just telling her what to do.
Organization. How to keep paperwork organized, how to keep things in their place, to to keep a to-do list, how to set routines, how to focus on the important tasks.
Happiness
Be present. For some reason, this extremely important skill is never taught to us when we’re kids. In truth, the younger we are, the more natural this skill is. As we get older, we start thinking about the future and the past, and the present seems to slip away from us. Some skills for living in the present would go a long way.
Enjoy life. Kids don’t have much of a problem with this, but some awareness of its importance and how to do it, even as an adult, would be helpful. Set a good example of this, and your kids will follow.
Find purpose. Whether this is a higher religious purpose, or the purpose of making your family happy, or the purpose of finding your calling, having a purpose in life is extremely important. Teach your children the importance of this and show how to do it yourself.
Develop intimate relationships. The best way to teach this is to develop an intimate relationship with your child, and model it with your spouse or other significant other (within appropriateness). Teach them the skills for developing these types of relationships, talk about the importance of it, and how to get through the bumpy parts as well. There are bad times in every relationship, but with the right skills of communication, empathy and compromise, they can get through them.
Do you have any skills to add to this list? Let us know in the comments.
Other family day articles:
How to Become a Patient Parent
How to be a Great Dad
Organize Your Family with a Family Binder
50 Grocery Shopping Tips
Best All-time Children’s Books
How to Teach Your Kids Good Habits
Get Your Kids Outdoors
100 Ways to Have Fun with Your Kids for Free or Cheap
Family Day and Family Meetings
Baby Makes Eight: Raising Six Kids, Part 1 (Finances)
Baby Makes Eight: Raising Six Kids, Part 2 (organizing)
If you liked this article, please bookmark it indel.icio.us. Thanks!
27 Skills Your Child Needs to Know That She’s Not Getting In School

Every Tuesday isFinance & Family Day at Zen Habits.
Everyone knows that our school system, in general, is not giving our kids the basic reading, writing, ‘rithmatic and science skills needed to be competitive in the high-tech workforce of the upcoming generation (at least, that’s the general assumption, and we won’t argue it here).
But there’s much more to life than those basic subjects, and unless you have an exceptional teacher who is willing to break out of the mold, your child isn’t learning the crucial things he or she needs to learn in life.
Think about your own experience for a moment. When you got out of high school, did you know everything you needed in order to survive in life, let alone succeed? If you were lucky, you knew how to read and had some basic history and math skills, and if you were even luckier, you had good study habits that would serve you well in college.
But were you prepared for life? Most likely not, unless you had parents who did you that favor. In fact, many of us screwed up our early adult lives because we didn’t know those skills — and we’re paying the consequences now.
That’s a part of life, you might say, learning these lessons. But it’s also possible to prepare your child a bit before they go out on their own, and if we can’t get the schools to teach these skills, then let’s do it ourselves.
What follows is a basic curriculum in life that a child should know before reaching adulthood. There will probably be other skills you can add to this list, but at least it’s a starting point.
A note on how to teach these things: These subjects should not be taught by lectures or textbooks. They can only be taught by setting examples, by conversation, by showing, and by allowing the child (or teenager) to do these things on their own (with supervision at first). Once you’ve talked about the skill, showed your child how to do it, and let them do it under supervision a few times, give your child the trust to do it on his own, and to learn from his own mistakes. Check back every now and then to talk about what he’s learned.
Financial
Saving. Spend less than you earn. It’s such a simple maxim, and yet very few young adults understand it or know how to follow it. Teach your child from a young age to put part of money he receives or earns in the bank. Teach him how to set a savings goal, and save for it, and then purchase whatever it is he was saving for.
Budgeting. Many of us dread this task as adults, and suffer because of it, because we lack the understanding and skills necessary to make budgeting a breeze. Teach them simple budgeting skills, and what’s involved, and they won’t have problems as an adult. You could wait until teenage years to do something like this — but it’s a good thing because this shows them why basic math is necessary.
Paying bills. Give them bills to pay and have them pay it on time, online or in the real world. Learn how to write a check, paper and online, and how to make sure that you’re never late with bills again — either pay them immediately or automatically.
Investing. What is investing and why is it necessary? How do you do it and what are different ways of doing it? How do you research an investment? How does it compound over time? This is a good conversation to have with your teen.
Frugality. This is something to teach them from an early age. How to shop around to get a good deal, to compare between products of different prices and quality, to make things last and not waste, to cook at home instead of eating out too much, to control impulse buying. When we go out and do a shopping spree, including before Christmas, we are teaching them just the opposite.
Credit. This is a major problem for many adults. Teach them the responsible use for credit, and how to avoid it when it’s not necessary, and how to avoid getting into too much debt, and how to use a credit card responsibly.
Retirement. Is it better to work hard and retire or to take mini-retirements throughout life? That’s a personal question, but your child should be aware of the options and the pros and cons of each, and how to do each. Why it’s important to start investing in retirement when you’re young, and how much of a difference that can make through compound interest. How to do it automatically.
Charity. Why this is an important use of your money, and how to make it a regular habit. This should be not only a financial issue, but a social one. Show them how to volunteer their time and effort as well.
Thinking
Critical thinking. One of the most important skills not taught in school. These days, we are taught to be robots, to listen to the teacher and not to question, to accept what we are told and not to think, to be good employees and to shut up. If you’re an employer, you might want your employees to be like this, and if you’re a politician, you might want your citizens to be like this. But is that how you want your child to be? An unquestioning, naive, ignorant citizen/employee/student? If so, carry on. If not, just start introducing the habit of questioning why? And the skill of find out the answer. And how to question authority — there is no one right answer. Conversation is a good way to accomplish this skill.
Reading. Sure, we’re taught to read. But schools most often make this boring. Show your child the wonderful imaginative worlds there are out there. And show them how to find out about stuff in the world through the Internet, and how to evaluate what they read for credibility, logic, factualness.
Success
Positive thinking. While critical thinking is an important skill, it’s also important to have a positive outlook on life. Sure, things may be screwed up, but they can be changed for the better. Find solutions instead of complaints. And most of all, learn to believe in yourself, and to block out negative self-thinking.
Motivation. Learn that discipline isn’t the key to achieving a goal, but motivation. How to motivate yourself, different strategies, and how great it feels to achieve a goal. Start them with small, easily achievable goals, and let them develop this skill.
Procrastination. It’s a problem we all deal with as adults (and even as kids). Now, I believe that there should be a time for goofing off, being lazy, and having fun. But when there’s something to do that we really need to do, how do we get ourselves to do it? Learn the reasons behind procrastination, and how to address them. How to beat procrastination.
Passion. One of the most important ways to be successful is to find something you’re passionate about, and do that for a living. Your child won’t know the answer at a young age, but you should show her how to find her passion and how to pursue it, and why that’s important.
Social
Anti-competition. As kids, we’re taught how to be competitive. In the adult world, that’s how we behave. And that results in back-stabbing, undercutting, feelings of resentment, and other life-affirming things like that. Instead, teach your child how there is room for many people to be successful, and how you’re more likely to be successful if you help others to be successful, and how they’ll help you in return. Learn that making friends and allies is better than making enemies, and how to do that. Learn cooperation and teamwork before competition.
Compassion. Not taught in the schools at all. In fact, instead of teaching children how to empathize with others and try to ease their suffering, our schools often teach children to increase the suffering of others. Learn to put yourself in the shoes of others, to try to understand them, and to help them end their suffering.
Love. Compassion’s twin brother, love differs only in that instead of wanting to ease the suffering of others, you want their happiness. Both are crucial.
Listening. Are our children taught how to listen in school? Or how to talk at someone. Perhaps that’s why many adults don’t have this critical skill. Learn how to truly listen to someone, to understand what they’re saying, to empathize.
Conversation. Goes hand-in-hand with listening, but the art of conversation is something that isn’t taught in school. In fact, kids are taught that conversation is bad in most cases. But in most cases, a conversation is what is needed, not a lecture. This is an extremely important social skill that should start in the home. Learn to converse with your child instead of talk at him.
Practical
Auto. Why cars are needed (no, not to look cool), how to buy a practical car, how to take care of it. How the engine works, what might break down, and how it’s fixed. Should be taught to both boys and girls (that should be obvious, but I had to say it).
Household. How to fix things around the house and keep things maintained. Plumbing, electricity, heating and cooling, painting, roofing, lawn, all that good stuff. The tools and skills necessary to do just the basic maintenance and repairs. And how to know when to call a professional.
Cleaning. Too many adults grow up without knowing how to do laundry, to clean a house properly, to keep the house clean and uncluttered, to have a weekly and monthly cleaning routine. Teach your child all these things instead of just telling her what to do.
Organization. How to keep paperwork organized, how to keep things in their place, to to keep a to-do list, how to set routines, how to focus on the important tasks.
Happiness
Be present. For some reason, this extremely important skill is never taught to us when we’re kids. In truth, the younger we are, the more natural this skill is. As we get older, we start thinking about the future and the past, and the present seems to slip away from us. Some skills for living in the present would go a long way.
Enjoy life. Kids don’t have much of a problem with this, but some awareness of its importance and how to do it, even as an adult, would be helpful. Set a good example of this, and your kids will follow.
Find purpose. Whether this is a higher religious purpose, or the purpose of making your family happy, or the purpose of finding your calling, having a purpose in life is extremely important. Teach your children the importance of this and show how to do it yourself.
Develop intimate relationships. The best way to teach this is to develop an intimate relationship with your child, and model it with your spouse or other significant other (within appropriateness). Teach them the skills for developing these types of relationships, talk about the importance of it, and how to get through the bumpy parts as well. There are bad times in every relationship, but with the right skills of communication, empathy and compromise, they can get through them.
Do you have any skills to add to this list? Let us know in the comments.
Other family day articles:
How to Become a Patient Parent
How to be a Great Dad
Organize Your Family with a Family Binder
50 Grocery Shopping Tips
Best All-time Children’s Books
How to Teach Your Kids Good Habits
Get Your Kids Outdoors
100 Ways to Have Fun with Your Kids for Free or Cheap
Family Day and Family Meetings
Baby Makes Eight: Raising Six Kids, Part 1 (Finances)
Baby Makes Eight: Raising Six Kids, Part 2 (organizing)
If you liked this article, please bookmark it indel.icio.us. Thanks!
Posted on 10 June 2007 inFinance & Family,Parenting  |
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Comments (85)
Paul Says:
June 10th, 2007, 6:26 am
I consider Swimming to be a must have skill, file it under practical.
Abdallah B. Stickley Says:
June 10th, 2007, 7:27 am
Learning these skills would benefit many adults I know. Your practical advice antidotes the prolonged adolescence that grips most young adults. In general it is promoted by craving, consumerism, credit cards.
Tantowi Says:
June 10th, 2007, 9:27 am
Saving: Children need to understand how much time and effort you have put into acquiring your most important assets. While you appreciate your home, your car, and your education, your children may take them for granted if they do not know otherwise. Encourage your child to put a portion of his or her allowance or income away each week. Help your child set a goal to achieve, such as buying an ipod. Once your children can see how long it takes to earn the money to buy such an item, chances are they will understand just how valuable it is.
Qual Says:
June 10th, 2007, 9:29 am
I agree with Paul. Swimming and financial literacy (how many kids get out of HS and start leasing BMWs to look cool?) are extremely important. School teaches you how to be an employee, that’s about it.
KS Says:
June 10th, 2007, 10:16 am
Would like to add proper nutrition. I’m scared for my kids when they go to school to find out what foods are going to be offered.
AgentSully Says:
June 10th, 2007, 10:32 am
These are all the things I try to teach my son. This is an excellent list. I think these are wrapped up in your categories, but here’s the additional ones I focus on with my son:
Things don’t make you happy or cool. Being smart, being able to laugh, and being kind makes you happy and cool. Health, Family and friends are all that matter in the end.
Beauty is not what is on the outside: it comes from being kind to people, generous and being a thinker.
Being smart isn’t just about knowledge, but what you do with it. Use it to make your life, others’ lives and the world better.
Gratitude makes you happy: upon going to sleep we talk about all the things we are grateful for, all the good things that happened that day. We always start off with “What a great day we had today!” If something bad happened we focus on being grateful it wasn’t worse or finding something positive.
You can do anything you set your mind to. Just believe, plan and work on it.
Think for yourself. (you covered this one above!) Don’t let the TV or other people tell you what to think. At the same time be respectful of others even if you don’t agree with them.
Non-violence: hitting/violence is never the answer to anything. Communication is the only way.
I’m passionate about this topic, teaching our kids. It’s really the best way to make the world better some day.
And I agree with you. There’s no real curriculum or lesson plan. It’s a matter of daily conversations, using every day opportunities to teach these ideas.
Bravo Leo!
Ash Says:
June 10th, 2007, 10:35 am
My roommate and I where just talking about this the other day. We concluded that high schools need to bring back a required “home ec” class. It needs to teach: cooking, money management, basic auto repair, manners (I think that is a must), basic sewing (for guys and girls!), cleaning skills, interview skills (maybe an overall how to find and get a job). This class should be required for all seniors to take, it would help them so much. I know I would have taken it.
millerhan Says:
June 10th, 2007, 10:36 am
學習能力梯階ABC 72力
A；學習理解探索應用:
B；主動判斷表達意志:
C；合作企劃領導創造:
1. 學習: 觀察力傾聽力閱讀力專注力模仿力計算力
2. 理解：想像力理解力分析力綜合力記憶力思考力
3. 探索: 聯想力推理力探索力發問力求解力建構力
4. 應用: 操作力科技力試驗力生活力資訊力應用力
5. 主動: 主動力互動力運動力工作力警覺力機動力
6. 判斷: 省思力反應力研討力辯證力賞析力判斷力
7. 表達: 語言力表達力親和力繪圖力寫作力說服力
8. 意志: 自主力意志力積極力競爭力道德力决策力
9. 合作: 參與力適應力自制力服從力團結力合作力
10. 企劃: 設計力組織力管理力理財力企劃力檢討力
11. 領導: 民主力法治力領導力包容力整合力評鑑力
12. 創造: 潛在力變通力文化力發展力創造力生命力
Lynda Says:
June 10th, 2007, 10:51 am
I am a third grade teacher in a lower income type school. I was angry at first when I read these items.I would love to be able to teach my dear children these life lessons, but all I hear about is how teachers should be held “accountable” for the failure of our children to learn basics. I spend my day trying to impart basic skills to children whose parents don’t often see the value of education. There is no solution except for parents to step up and teach children these life skills…I don’t have time :) So I try to model as much as I can of the interpersonal skills you talked about. That is the best I can do.
ok, I am not angry anymore!
John Says:
June 10th, 2007, 12:01 pm
Wonderful list. Sadly, in many (most?) communities self-defense is a must - how to set boundaries, how to be trusting or cautious as appropriate, how to deal with agression and bullies (and how not to become one yourself). Martial arts can be a fun way to build confidence and respect, but visit the school first yourself a few times first to get a sense of the teacher and environment.
Anita Says:
June 10th, 2007, 12:39 pm
I agree that we should teach kids how to save money
Paul Butler Says:
June 10th, 2007, 14:06 pm
Great list. As a current high school student, I have come to the realization that everything I need to succeed in the real world is not taught in school. One that I would add to social skills is networking. I have found that knowing the right people has been infinitely helpful in the past year.
Advanced Uninstaller Says:
June 10th, 2007, 14:10 pm
How about teaching your child social skills and networking? This is very important.
Also, +1 for the nutrition and basic cooking suggestion, it’s a very important skill.
Anonymous Says:
June 10th, 2007, 14:22 pm
Your child should also be taught proper VALUES, and the proper balance of VALUES. If you don’t teach values to your child, the child will learn from TV and from peers.
If he or she learns values from TV, this is a big problem. The child will like a certain type of TV shows. For example, if the child loves action movies, he or she will learn to be very competitive, tough, ready to stand his or her ground. That’s very good. But, he will also learn things such as: “cool guys don’t have families, they are single”, or “the coolest professionals have lots of trouble with their wifes and this is normal”, etc. There is a lot of bad stuff in these movies.
Good values to teach:
- It’s good and cool to have a family.
- It’s good and cool to be hard-working, even if your work is not very spectacular, shiny, etc.
- When you fail, it’s very cool to change your approach and try again, instead of giving up or running to daddy.
- It’s good and cool to be confident, to have friends, to have an active social life.
etc…
Perhaps Leo will write a good article about how to teach your child values.
Leo Says:
June 10th, 2007, 15:46 pm
Great comments, everyone! You guys have added some excellent points here.
@Lynda: I’m glad you’re not mad anymore, but in truth, I don’t blame the teachers for these shortcomings. I’m married to one, and I know first-hand that they are usually forced to teach a set curriculum, sometimes in a very restrictive manner. That’s called holding them “accountable”. That term came about, btw, because politicians didn’t want to face reality or take the blame themselves, so they blamed the teachers for the shortcomings of the school system. And then proceeded to make it worse by only focusing on the “basics” and forgetting about the other stuff I listed above. I don’t have a problem with teaching the basics, but there is more to life than just that. Anyway, back to my point: the problem isn’t with teachers, but with the school system as a whole. Teachers are just as much a victim of the system as students are — they need to be able to be creative and expressive and inventive as well, but at this time they are not usually allowed to be. end rant
Random Says:
June 10th, 2007, 16:08 pm
Be selfish.
Our world is really shitty place.
One important thing to learn is to focus on the development of yourself.
Adam Snider Says:
June 10th, 2007, 16:19 pm
This is a pretty good list, Leo, but there is one I’m not sure about.
You mentioning learning how to fix a car engine, I’m not sure how realistic that is. On older vehicles, sure, the average Joe or Jane can fix most problems with their car fairly easily once they’ve had some basic training. Newer vehicles, however, have a much higher reliance on computers, making it much harder to repair without specialized training and equipment. Still, I do agree that knowing basic things like how to change a tire and change belts, etc. is a good idea.
Michael Says:
June 10th, 2007, 16:31 pm
THe number one thing you can teach a child, and this is the MOST important thing, the only thing that anyone should learn and really really understand… do you know what it is?
It this…. IT IS OK TO FAIL OR MAKE A MISTAKE!
It is the only way we learn, we learn from the mistakes that we make. THere is NO reason to feel bad about failing or doing something wrong or making a mistake. If you do just shrug your shoulders and try again, try, try, try again. If you feel passionate about something you will. Don’t just give up and say “it’s not for me” or “I must be s**t at this” TRY again.
To many parents are dictating and deciding for the child what they are good at and this is WRONG. All those football Moms and Dads, driving their children to succeed in something which they may have no apptitude for yet ignoring those areas where they might. Parents using children as accessories to further their own agendas… sickening really.
Bottom line: Children will fail. Children will make mistakes. As a parent you have a duty to encourage them to stand up and try again. Practise makes perfect and that is the truth, practise practise, practise… nobody, and really NOBODY, got where they are without years of failure and practise….
Well, except Paris Hilton lol
Rant over :)
Learn to fail and accept it and grow from it, that’s what chidren should learn. Satisfaction is not instant and shouldn’t be….
OK I ranted a bit more.. sorry :(
tanyetta Says:
June 10th, 2007, 19:00 pm
great post!
Jeff Kenton Says:
June 10th, 2007, 19:34 pm
One of the major misunderstandings that we have about public education is its role.
The role of public education is as a formal adjunct to the informal (and far more prevalent) learnings that people have/do.
Unfortunately, many people view public education as the ONLY vector that students should have to learn valuable information and skills. Some of those same people do not acknowledge that people have the potential to learn during 66% of their day (sleep eats up the rest), while students only spend on average about 13% of their days in school. (180 days of contact, 6.5 hours per day, the rest is algebra.)
This is not intended to be a rant, but as a professor in instructional technology at a teacher preparation school on the East Coast, I think the role of parents and other mentors needs to be clearly acknowledged and accounted.
Erinn Says:
June 10th, 2007, 20:27 pm
When the state and federal government start testing the children on financial, social, and happiness skills is when you’ll start seeing them taught in schools. What school administration is going to spend the little amount of money we are given on these skills you name? How about going after the policy makers instead of the schools? We’re doing the best we can with what we have.
I know you said it wasn’t your intention, but as a teacher I do feel attacked.
Maggie Says:
June 10th, 2007, 21:26 pm
This is a great post! These are all things that either my parents taught me or I wish I’d learned sooner, and definitely things that I want to teach my son. One of the hardest things about parenting, in my case anyway, is working full time. I don’t get a lot of time with my son, just in evenings and on weekends, and I often feel like “other people” (the workers at his childcare center) are raising him instead of me. It’s a scary idea to think that I have to figure out how to teach him all those things on evenings and weekends. We as parents just do what we can.
It seems like now that we are an economy where two incomes are usually required for one family, I often feel like I’m more in a survival mode than a nurturing one. When I feel guilty that I haven’t read as many books to him as I’d like, or sometimes I’m too tired to play with him, I have to justify it by thinking that if I weren’t working, he wouldn’t have a place to live or food to eat. It frustrates me that I have to think that way, but it’s how things are nowadays.
Liz Says:
June 11th, 2007, 0:54 am
A sense of perspective regarding fashion and beauty would also be useful. Teenagers in particular are involved with trying to forge a new, adult identity, and appearance becomes a primary coding apparatus for establishing social status with peers. The media takes this opportunity to bombard them with marketing, much of it mixed with a heavy dose of sexual politics. Helping them decode all of that and develop a style that is comfortable and appropriate for them is a daunting task but one worth attempting.
Wilson Ng - Guam Says:
June 11th, 2007, 3:40 am
*sigh* if only some people I know (how already graduated from high school) would read this article…
For me, school was a social experiment that taught me how to interact with others. Citizenship is a social skill that is not being taught enough. Respect seems to be slowly deterioriating nowadays.
School books were nice but a lot of the best books that I have found were outside the classroom. I can rattle off a few titles such as:
How to Win Friends & Influence People
The Richest Man In Babylon
7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Rich Dad, Poor Dad
Getting Things Done
These are some of the most influential books that I have ever read and wished I had read them many years ago.
I am keeping my books and will one day introduce them to my daughter…
Jesse Simmons Says:
June 11th, 2007, 5:00 am
I never understood this - Why exactly are cars needed?
Manko Says:
June 11th, 2007, 6:29 am
As the school year winds down and I start signing yearbooks for my kids, it’s nice to look down this list and see that I’ve covered nearly all of these this year for my eleven year-old students, who really seem to have grasped the material pretty well. (And at their age I think it’s okay if they don’t know too much about retirement or auto maintenance.) I guess that’s part of why their parents like having me around.
I hope the author will, at some point, find a writing teacher who teaches him/her to resist writing in generalities; there are public schools where students learn all this material AND the core curriculum, because there are teachers who insist on it and administrators who let them get away with it. (Unfortunately nearly all public school reforms are designed around making sure teachers focus more on “teaching to the test” instead of the humanist curriculum this article seems to advocate, the curriculum that was in vogue back before standards testing hijacked American education for political purposes.)
I agree with the importance of all of these, and so I spend my life teaching all of these, as do many of the public school teachers I’ve known. When people criticize such a huge and complex system as American public education, they nearly always paint with too broad a brush; please try to resist that easy urge in the future, because you’re not being fair to a lot of people who work very hard and take a lot of professional risks in order to do much much more than their job description requires.
Svend Says:
June 11th, 2007, 6:33 am
Financial skills can be taut using boardgames.
Here is a list of the best games for
financial education.
http://www.all-technology.com/eigenpolls/fiqgames/
Since we learn a lot from our mistakes, boardgames gives a safe environment to make mistakes in.
Mia Says:
June 11th, 2007, 7:52 am
I am primary school teacher. That main thing I think missing on your list is how to care for their bodies. I think that children need learn nutrition at a very young age, to exercise, to look after their spines with yoga, and carrying light school bags etc. When the biggest hurdles facing our children in Australia and USA are obesity and childhood diabetes, maybe we need to address these lower end needs before the higher ones.
kathaclysm Says:
June 11th, 2007, 8:54 am
Under social skills should be “Dealing with people of all ages.” Kids are totally segregated by age in class, and generally don’t socialize with kids in other grades.
Children are (should be) going to school to learn how to be adults; how can they learn to be adults if they don’t have life experience with adults (outside of authority figure; parent, teacher, police)?
I was lucky, and had siblings 10 years older than myself, but many kids don’t learn to socialize above or below their age group.
Tubag Bohol Says:
June 11th, 2007, 9:36 am
It all depends on the child’s DNA.
Corey Says:
June 11th, 2007, 11:00 am
Some of the social skills are items that were taught in PE, recess, sports, and the arts. Many of those items have been taken away from the schools because of “funding”, “accountability”, and “competition”.
I recently read an article regarding the infantilism of young adults. I think many of the items listed here go hand in hand with the arguements made in that article.http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-4311.html
I admit to not knowing how to fix the problem. But I agree it is definantly broken.
narrow mind Says:
June 11th, 2007, 11:24 am
How about simple consistency in parenting and stand behind and supporting the teacher ?
Speaker-to-Animals Says:
June 11th, 2007, 12:01 pm
Speaking of board games as a means to teach financial, business and investing skills:
http://www.goventure.net
LisaS Says:
June 11th, 2007, 12:14 pm
Recognizing Jesse’s point: Practical: Teach your kid that cars aren’t the only way to get around. Every adult should know how to use public transit (locate schedules, paying fares, manners, etc.), taxi ettiquette, and that walking/biking is a valid means of transportation (especially for distances under half a mile).
Social: Compromise is a natural part of daily life, whether merging onto the Interstate or divvying family chores. We learned a lot about it at recess and unstructured time running around outside with other kids, both of which have been cut back in modern society.
A good basic list of reminders, especially with some of the reader additions. Add to that: not everything is formally taught in schools … or should be.
Marc Says:
June 11th, 2007, 12:16 pm
Anti-competion… you ahev to be kidding right? There is no such thing as teamwork for one reason: you are talking about humans. I a corporation, in a project there is one reality, you succeed as a team and if you fail, you fail individually. Competition teaches children to rely on themselves, not the neighbor who might, or might not be there where you need him.
Children these day learn more about making other do their responsibilities than to get their hands dirty and just do the fraking thing and learn to to themselves. you can truly work as a team only when all individuals take responsibility for what they do, that is what competition is does teach: accountability and responsibility. You want to succeed, then work for it, don’t make people work for you.
Edvard Pevens Says:
June 11th, 2007, 14:45 pm
Ok, I’m turning on my ‘critical thinking’ here: I did learn all these things (and more) in school. (Your credibility suffers when absolute statements are made; “skills she’s not getting in school”).
My favorite examples of why this article is not true:
Financial: My math teacher (2nd grade) taught us accounting (!)
Thinking: My 6th grade teacher gave me an appreciation for short stories in our class wide reading and discussion groups.
Success: Again, 6th grade teacher helped me get on the wagon more than once.
Social: Kindergarten covered these easily –what happened to you?
Practical: 2nd Grade science class, teacher brought us out to his truck and we discussed how the battery works.
Happiness: You and everyone else is on their own with this one. If you’re not happy, no 3rd grade teacher is going to help (and frankly that falls way outside any educational scope, i.e. you’re dreaming). –p.s. I met my wife in High School and we just celebrated our 11th anniversary.
Adam Says:
June 11th, 2007, 14:48 pm
This would be great.
Then I wouldn’t have to waste time with my kids to teach them all this stuff.
Seriously though, I agree with Lynda.
Teachers don’t get enough recognition or pay.
Anthony Says:
June 11th, 2007, 15:44 pm
I agree with most of this list, except the anti-competition. There’s too much “I’m ok, you’re ok” BS flaoting around in the school system as it is. I have a very big problem with the “No Child Left Behind” act and this kind of everyone passes attitude is bringing the whole system down.
I agree it’s better to make friends than enemies, and back-stabbing and the like shouldn’t be expected or tolerated, but a little bit of competition is both healthy and necessary.
Anthony Says:
June 11th, 2007, 15:45 pm
I guess I should also learn to proofread in order to avoid the myriad of typos I make :-P
DaveR Says:
June 11th, 2007, 15:49 pm
Leo,
I found the first sentence in this post to be offensive and in my opinion, false. To generalize an entire nation’s educational system is unprofessional at best. What really gets me is that you start the post by knocking schools, while your list is for the most part, made up of things that should be taught at HOME by PARENTS!
I think you are a good writer, and for the most part I enjoy your posts. But every once in a while you write something that causes me to question your credibility…and this is one of them.
A former reader,
DaveR
SistaWeotch Says:
June 11th, 2007, 15:56 pm
“…our school system, in general, is not giving our kids the basic reading, writing, ‘rithmatic…”
It’s “arithmetic,” with an “e.” ;)
Andrew Says:
June 11th, 2007, 18:07 pm
Swimming and CPR
Kim Says:
June 11th, 2007, 18:11 pm
I have a problem with the title of this article. As a teacher, I admit that some of these things are left out of the classroom because it is impossible for one person to impart all of this to 20+ students. But also as a teacher, I do try to impart things such as compassion and love and tolerance (big one) of others. I also try to impart a love of reading and I try to bring other subjects into that. These are all things our children need to learn; unfortunately as teachers we only have one year with each child therefore it is imperative that these teachings not only come from school but from home and from the community as well.
“It takes a village to raise a child.” (African Proverb)
PC Says:
June 11th, 2007, 22:16 pm
Fantastic list! Whether or not schools teach these skills to kids is really irrelevant. What’s important is that youngsters are equipped with these traits and habits that will enable them to ride through the travails of life….
The other thing is that your list of skills are not only lacking in today’s children, many parents are also found lacking in these skills….
Brenda Says:
June 11th, 2007, 22:56 pm
I agree these things are very valuable to learn and should be taught more explicitly in schools. However…
1. Schools, especially those in the states, Ontario, and Alberta, are under immense pressure to teach to standardized tests because of the public’s push for “accountability in education” (personally, I can’t think of anything more irresponsible than sitting kids down for a pencil and paper fill in the dots test and suggesting to the public that it is in any way an accurate representation of intelligence). These tests do not test for these things. The public needs to speak up if they want this changed.
2. Many vocal, influential (read wealthy) parents are all hyper focused on academics and do not value the existing courses that do teach these things (Business ed, Home Ec, Auto Mech, Life Transitions, Media Studies, Drama, etc.). Again, tax dollars are only going to be allocated for what the public is demanding.
3. I disagree about the characterization of teachers who teach these things as being out of the ordinary. I teach most of these skills in my high school English classroom and I really don’t think I’m that exceptional.
4. The suggestion that our kids are not allowed/required to be critical thinkers, listeners, readers, viewers and consumers in general is ludicrous. The idea that we are the only ones embedding the concept of competition in their innocent little heads is ridiculous (I do battle with competition daily). The generalization that teachers make learning boring is offensive. There are bad teachers and good teachers, just like there are good parents and bad parents.
5. Why is it suggested that schools are deficient because they do not teach absolutely everything anyone ever needed to know about everything? Are they perfect? No. Are we working on it? You bet, but with continued funding cuts. And while it is fine to blame the abstract “system” for these cuts, it is the public who is allowing them to happen. Beg for tax cuts, cry out for back to basics and then criticize the system for not being innovative enough to teach everything? What happened to parents? Since when is teaching your kids about life a “favor?” What happened to the community? What happened to experience?
It’s a shame that good information had to be contextualized with such unfair, misleading, and damaging assumptions about education. Why not phrase it as something that could supplement what your kids are already learning or reinforcing what we are trying to teach in schools or better yet, how to do your job as a parent?
Let’s try supporting public education and working together for a change and see if that produces different results than just listing its perceived inadequacies and hoping someone else actually does something about it.
Charles Says:
June 12th, 2007, 10:38 am
I like the fact that someone added NUTRITION in their comment, so I won’t explain its profound importance and dire need in our community.
The one thing I saw missing from the list was that we are not taught how to LEARN/STUDY in school. An old roommate brought this one out in debate and proved a valid point. Of course there are many ways to learn and study, but none that I can recall ever being taught in school. It wasn’t until I attended college that I stumbled upon literature that reviewed numerous was to study and retain information.
In defense of all teachers, our public education system cannot bear all the responsibility of our kids shortcomings on this one. Anyone who believes they will receive all the education one needs in public schools to succeed and compete in the world today is disillusioned. The biggest responsibility relies on the individual child and how eager they are to learn, then the parents and the values they instill in their child, then the teachers and the influence they have on the children and the examples they lead. I cannot blame schools on this one, except for the fact that there is no LEARNING 101 curriculum for Elementary students (all of us could brush up on this one). However, if you really paid attention in class, you can find correlations with what you learned and the list above, most of which are life lessons.
Parents, this is a wake-up call to act and be sure your children know these things before they go off into the World.
Nneka Says:
June 12th, 2007, 16:47 pm
Leo, this is an excellent article on parenting. I’m sending the link to my brother and my friends with young children.
Two thumbs up!
In Spirit,
Nneka
HopefulGirl Says:
June 12th, 2007, 18:45 pm
what great advice! i am thankful for articles like this. as a recent college grad, i am currently relying more on the financial habits instilled in me from my father than anything i learned in school. i am also watching friends falter because no one ever taught them these skills.
it is great that you are such an intentional parent. i think sometimes parents just do the best they can to get through their days without any thought about how to be intentionally helpful in their child’s development other than reactionary disicpline.
thanks leo!
Zulfikar Says:
June 12th, 2007, 21:27 pm
Judging by the touchy response of the teachers who’ve written in, I think you’ve hit a nerve.
I don’t think the post was intending to say that teachers should be teaching all of these things - there are some things that have to be taught elsewhere, for example, we really wouldn’t want teachers to teach our kids about getting their heartsbroken - would we?
I think the point is was that parents need to take some responsibility for education, and especially those things that schools don’t and probably could never teach (how could schools teach about finances, except by sending students to work). too many parents think the opposite, and hold schools responsible sometimes for their own failings. But that also does mean that teachers should stick to doing what they are paid to do - teach kids academically, rather than wanting to be surrogate parents
beta mum Says:
June 13th, 2007, 6:44 am
Girls (and boys to a lesser extent) need to think about how flexible their chosen work/career/life path will be if they decide to have children.
Is it the kind of work whose employers are good with part time/flexitime?
Is it easy to get back into the career after some years working part time or not working at all?
Is it well paid enough to allow young people to save enough to slip down a gear for a while?
All things I was never advised to consider, and which are important.
Rebecca Says:
June 13th, 2007, 7:33 am
Fabulous post! If I had to prioritize the most important thing on your list, I’d make it “critical thinking.” Some of the social skills can be taught indirectly through arts programs and sports (sometimes).
Everything would be fine if all parents, such as my own, picked up the slack of the school systems. But sadly, we know they don’t. Not all from lack of interest…some simply can’t because they are working so hard to make ends meet they have no energy to provide for their children in other ways.
KRW Says:
June 13th, 2007, 15:25 pm
From what I have seen of children, there are a few much simpler things they need to learn like how to tie their shoes and how to eat with a knife and fork. I know this seems obvious but you would be surprised at the number of 9 year olds who can’t do so…BTW, I totally agree with the point on critical thinking, however I would like to apply it to your anti-competition point. Competition is good in its context, that context being teamwork and self-improvement. It only leads to negatives like back stabbing, etc. when taken to an extreme. Anything take to extreme is going to be a problem, even critical thinking (and I suppose you could use my point as an example…the beauty of circular logic;)
Joe S Says:
June 13th, 2007, 15:46 pm
These are all wonderful skills to learn, that should be taught by Parents! What do you think we are there for?
Thomas Says:
June 13th, 2007, 16:14 pm
Check the safety, clear the breach, keep the barrel pointed downrange.
Rod Says:
June 13th, 2007, 22:29 pm
Any teacher who says that critical thinking is taught in the public domain is either misinformed or sadly mistaken. Critical thinking is offered, however, in some isolated colleges. About a year ago I wrote several state school board members asking to get critical thinking taught in the high schools as a science credit. To no avail, of course. The only real response I got was that it was already covered in the science curriculum. You see here in Texas, we are overly concerned with the TAKS (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills). Your principal will never ask about what life skills you happen to introduce to your class, she will only ask how you are preparing for the state-wide assessment. Everyone now accepts that you should do what you can to help prepare your students for that test. Nothing else seems to matter anymore. Unfortunately, Texas is considered a national leader in accountability issues. One thing that has not been figured out here in Texas though is this: How do you get a child to learn something that he has no interest in?
Katie Jeanne Says:
June 13th, 2007, 23:27 pm
Great article - just one exception. I don’t like the assumption that you kids should learn everything in school. There are tons of things that only parents should teach their children and parents will ALWAYS be the child’s most important teachers.
Mike Says:
June 14th, 2007, 2:17 am
I think some of these depends on what school you go to. I learned a fair bit (or was at least supposed ot learn, I remember taking classes about it) in high school and earlier. I completely agree with the latter half of this list though.
elaine toth Says:
June 14th, 2007, 10:07 am
After reading ‘Baby Makes Eight’, I would say birth control education should top your list of things kids need to be taught.
PS. Happy to NOT know what that last posting says!
Fred Says:
June 15th, 2007, 12:45 pm
To to the 27 Skills … That She’s Not Getting In School one must included a sense of responsibility, for it is men that do an unfair proportion of work and suffering and consequently die earlier.
Dennis J. Cole Says:
June 15th, 2007, 22:18 pm
Well wrote article, lots of good information. I will be recommending this one in my next post. Thanks for the inspiration.
Michael Dillon Says:
June 18th, 2007, 15:16 pm
I think typing is a must. Even the most manual labor jobs involve some sort of computer interaction and typing.
Ed Darrell Says:
June 18th, 2007, 23:36 pm
I think all that stuff is required by Texas, now. Did you check your state’s standards?
Cynthia Smith Says:
June 20th, 2007, 12:40 pm
I am requesting permission to use some of the things on your site as topics for my blogs and things of thought in some text boxes. I am not a computer person, I am learning how to create pages and then post them.
Also I want to spread the word about your site. My I do this with your permission?
Cynthia
Lynn Says:
June 21st, 2007, 21:10 pm
* voting/politics/civics-how to be a good citizen of your community
*doing taxes- the basics, such as how to fill out a 1040, would go a long way toward reducing the fear and confusion around taxes.
*balancing your checkbook
*learning about the stock market
*basic hygeine- why it’s important to clean between your toes and wear clean, pressed clothes
*caring for a baby or a child
I grew up in the seventies and a lot of the things that everyone listed I learned from Girl Scouts, church, summer camp, Home Ec., Social Studies and Civics classes.
I haven’t heard of a civics class in a long time–are they still teaching civics? How about shop? I can tell you that as a girl, I felt so proud of myself for being able to replace a wall flipswitch for my mom. That sort of self esteem can only come from shop class.
Lynne Clark Says:
June 22nd, 2007, 11:42 am
I totally agree with the list and almost all of the comments. Kids are not taught all they need in school, nor should they be. Parents must become more involved with their children.
Teachers are not paid nor supported as much as they should be. Some have to use some of their own money to buy supplies for the classroom. School should last all day: there is MUCH more to be taught than when the hours were set up.
Someone in the group my son palled around with asked: “What are Nazis?” [do we have to go through that AGAIN?]; another didn’t know that the Titanic was a real life happening.
The main thing I think that is not being taught at home is RESPECT! It seems that there is little respect for anything these days.
Elke Says:
June 22nd, 2007, 14:26 pm
I found this list to be very interesting and as I read through the readers comments, I found myself agreeing often with each one of you even though all of you are coming from different experiences. Which of course is why we are individuals, resulting from completely different individual experiences. I will personally teach these skills to my children (the ones I know- auto may be a stretch, but luckily I have good social and relationship skills which will keep my marriage together and then I can rely on my husband to change the oil!), certainly I am not expecting the school to take on that responsibility. Hopefully my children will take what I teach them and learn to model it for others whose parents are not fortunate enough to have read this article and implemented its message within their home. But that is what makes my children individuals and not clones, and that is what makes your children individuals and not clones and this whole dynamic of everyone learning different things and having different experiences makes for a very colorful and interesting world!
CottonQueen Says:
June 23rd, 2007, 0:43 am
Sad, sad disillusioned world that most of you people live in. Life skills, social skills, study skills, reading, math, science those are all things that should be taught by the parents at home and reinforced by the teachers in the school systems. The teachers are there to HELP with basic skills.
I want to know what kind of parent you are if you are leaving all of your child’s learning in every realm of their life up to over worked and under paid strangers? Let’s face it, unless you know your child’s teacher on another level, why would you want to trust them to teach your children basic morals, ethics and very simple courtesies? I mean, how many of your children know how to respond to an invitation to a party? Or how to write a simple thank you note for a gift? How many of you adults do that? It’s probably because your parents never taught you how to do it.
Don’t blame the short comings of your child on their teacher, blame it on yourself, where the blame belongs. I promise if you put as much effort into your child’s education as you do into your job/employment/hobbies, you wouldn’t have to be concerned about your child’s well being when they enter into the ‘Real World’. It doesn’t get any more real than what happens in your home.
Does your job mean that much more to your children that you can not spend time with everyday to find out who they are, what they like, what they know, what they are interested in?
Let’s face it, so many people are so hung up on ’status’ that most children are in some kind of child care for at least 50 hours a week before they even enter into kindergarten, just in case you want to know– if you spend the first 6 months of life with your child and then put them into daycare until they are school aged, that is on average 140,400 hours that you are entrusting someone other than your self or your partner to mold your child into who they will become. How do you people sleep at night? Why did you have children?
I have 4 children that are in public school and I am not impressed with the school my children have to go to, but their lives don’t have to be limited by that, their potential lies with me, not a teacher.
You should be ashamed of yourself if you are relying on the public school system to educate you child, to prepare the for the ‘real world’, discipline your child and to nurture them.
Sad, sad disillusioned world that most of you people live in.
~~CottonQueen, Stay at home Mom, Wife, Not a College Graduate, But a Graduate of Public High School in New Orleans, LA, Single Income Family and Happily Raising 4 Well Rounded Boys Who Go to Public Schools, But are Educated at Home~~
P.S. My husband and I do this on less than $40k a year.
Mom in Chicago Says:
June 24th, 2007, 20:45 pm
Why are schools and teachers accountable for everything? What about parents? Today people want to push responsibility on everyone else but themselves. People are always pointing their fingers at the rest of the world without stopping for a moment to evaluate what they value, and share this with their children. Don’t YOU want to be the one to teach your child this list above? Then hopefully it will be reinforced at school? If it is not, you will then have an open dialog with your child to explain why it’s important! Where are your values? You are looking to others to raise your children. You are the parent, you need cherish this opportunity to teach your child.
peter Says:
June 27th, 2007, 2:17 am
Under the category of critical thinking, I would criticize some of what you say. If you want students to learn these things, have your legislative body change the curriculum. you might listen to your own positive thinking strategy and try to make your education system better instead of generalizing with statements like “Everyone knows”. These kinds of statements are weak and mean nothing. I feel sorry that the school you attended was so poor. The students I teach are fortunate to have the programs and curriculum required to help them become somebody. One of the things I teach my children is that a formal education is the great equalizer. It really does not matter what knowledge is taught; all the skills of communication, reasoning powers, proper behavior and manners, teamwork, fairness and tolerance of cultural differences are essential. Much of the groundwork should be laid before children reach school. I know it is hard to do when you are too busy thinking about how to make enough money for the next family meal, but don’t blame schools for money problems and starvation and lack of funding. While you are saving for your investments, you probably relish in the fact that you don’t pay enough taxes to properly fund schools. Do some critical thinking of your own instead of criticizing schools. Other illiterate people may believe your writings.
petite mommy Says:
August 3rd, 2007, 10:51 am
I think this is a great blog entry however I do believe that alot of these skills are the responsibility of the parent. I also think good teachers teach these skills as well. Ultimately it’s up to us as parents to be involved and help our kids. Don’t expect the schools to do everything! It takes a partnership and everyone should be involved!
Teacher Says:
August 6th, 2007, 9:51 am
As a teacher this list makes me angry. You make it seem like teachers are not trying their best to do what is right for their students. It shows you are ignorant of what really goes on in a classroom. Teachers are under so much pressure to have their students perform on the No Child Left Behind tests. They are stupid, and one standardized test cannot possibly show the growth and potential of a living, human being. How would you like it, as an adult to take a test every year, and if everyone in your company doesn’t pass it, you get shut down! Teachers make learning fun for their students, and it is people like you who think teachers are lazy and only want the summers off. If you only knew how much I care about my students (sometimes even more than their parents) then you would be ashamed of yourself! I am deeply offended!
Leo Says:
August 8th, 2007, 7:20 am
@Teacher: This article actually doesn’t say or even imply anything negative about teachers. I think the teachers who’ve reacted that way are reading too much into it. I believe that the school system forces our students to conform, and fails them in some critical areas, but I don’t blame the teachers at all. They are good, hard-working, well-intentioned people. My wife is one of them.
However, teachers are given very little latitude in terms of teaching content these days. They are bound by the curriculum set by government, and thus are teaching our kids a curriculum designed to produce docile citizens and robot-like employees. A population that does its job but doesn’t care about trying to change things.
That’s not the teachers’ fault. They’re great people, and if it were up to the teachers alone, our schools would be great.
However, the point of the article is not to criticize the school system or teachers … it’s to point out some things that we parents need to teach our children, and take responsibility for.
Amy Says:
August 8th, 2007, 12:07 pm
Did the people who are upset with this list read the “How To Teach” paragraph of the post? It explicitly talks about teaching “your children” these things, not expecting anyone else to.
JMS Says:
August 10th, 2007, 14:53 pm
It’s terribly sad when the focus of this country is so narrowed to test scores that we deprive our children of a real education. Schooling, they get plenty of; they’re taught to be obedient, unquestioning little sheeple who will grow up to be obedient, unquestioning big sheeple. Fabulous situation if you’re a leader in politics, manufacturing, advertising, or any other arena that functions best with mindless drones. Horrible situation if you’re trying to raise adults who will change the world for the better.
The best place for kids to learn about the real world is IN the real world, where they are not segregated by age (tell me the last time you worked with people exclusively within a year of your own age). Children need to benefit from the experiences of people of all ages; older kids benefit from helping younger ones just as much as the younger ones benefit from that help. It teaches cooperation and stewardship for those smaller or weaker than ourselves.
We need to challenge our children, but not in the ways we are currently. More school is not the answer - more of something that doesn’t work, doesn’t make it any more effective.
A great series of books that helps parents provide their kids with a more well-rounded education is the “What your _th Grader Should Know” series. Poetry, classics, mythology, math, music, science, art….all the things that enrich our lives and encourage deeper, more connected thought (as opposed to isolated factoids).
Our schools need serious overhauls, but until the country stops zeroing in on test scores (what are our kids, guinea pigs?), all we will have are ‘Kiddie Mills’. Parents are left to control the damage as best we can.
Jenny Says:
August 20th, 2007, 10:31 am
I totally agree with all this. And some of it I did not know. This is a great article. Thanks for writing it. I really enjoyed reading it.
Hidayah Ramli Says:
August 29th, 2007, 12:13 pm
honestly…my parents doesnt teach me any of those..nothing. can i stress it anymore..NOTHING of those.
and yes it’s sad. but it’s just skills i had to learn by myself through my own experience.
nando Says:
September 20th, 2007, 9:45 am
“Acceptance” and “surrendering” are two things your child will not learn in school too, Leo. I believe they’re not only two from dozens that you had to left behind, but are too very important ones, that allows your child to cope with all others. Without them, I think you risk to have unhealthy worry or the heaviness of being “good enough”.
Very good initiative.
Alexander Marlin Says:
January 29th, 2008, 15:50 pm
Very nice article, and a great list of tips.
It is so important for us to educate our children beside the regular school habits. I can agree with this article who heartedly, but, one point I must disagree upon, and that is competing.
I believe we build strength when we learn to compete without the anger, it’s called control.
To compete makes you a wiser person, it is a everyday part of business, so why would you not want those skills to become a better business person.
Very nice, I will be reading more of your stuff…
Chris Austria Says:
April 18th, 2008, 23:11 pm
Leo–From this list it is obvious that you must had a very tough time in school. If my assumptions are wrong, then I need to ask you where you got all the facts that support your generalizations.
I also noticed that you have written this almost a year ago. Which explains why your tone here is so different from your most recent works.
“Compassion. Not taught in the schools at all. In fact, instead of teaching children how to empathize with others and try to ease their suffering, our schools often teach children to increase the suffering of others. Learn to put yourself in the shoes of others, to try to understand them, and to help them end their suffering.”
WOW! …our schools often teach children to increase the suffering of other…”
Man, you really need to sepnd some time and visit different school in order to substantiate this claim. Your blog is very popular and people, me included, value your opinions. So it is your responsibility to really give something that’s accurate.
Jack Says:
May 9th, 2008, 12:54 pm
Sorry, but competition is necessary. However, it is wrong to assume that all competition automatically means “backstabbing, etc.” as you suggest.
Athletes compete without “backstabbing:” and a baseball game would be boring with two teams cooperating so both can be successful. Nonsense.
Healthy competition is a great thing. Having children compete for top honors in class or on the field results in children trying harder and enjoying their accomplishments that much more.
“Everyone is a winner” and the other current happy-talk drivel is nonsense which does not prepare our kids for real life.Rather it creates a generation of “I’m special” entitlement freaks who are unable to deal with failure, setback and worse, hard work. Hardly the recipe for a thriving society.
Nope, give me competition any day.
Chakravarthy G Jakyan Says:
May 31st, 2008, 1:02 am
I am surprised that ‘concern for environment’ is not included. So also ‘conflict resolution’ . few citizenship issues too need to be include.
p.g. wodehouse Says:
July 3rd, 2008, 12:34 pm
Don’t be competitive? You are kidding, right? I hope so.
Justyn Says:
October 19th, 2008, 15:00 pm
Parents need to be involved and be the primary life teacher.
Hrg, China Says:
November 5th, 2008, 22:56 pm
Great ideas, both the author and the audience.
Thank you very much, I can use these things in my new book.
G.C. Parkdale Says:
January 18th, 2009, 8:08 am
“She’s” not getting” - sounds like it written by a boy-hating feminist, but perhaps she’s just young and ignorant.
Since I’ve got past the heading I will make a note to read the rest of it some time.
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