如果你已发现你的孩子偷食禁果了，那该怎么办呢？

来源Help! My teen kid is having sex
译者yappy2010

So you’ve just found out that your teen is having sex. What do you do now? First of all, follow these two quintessentially British pieces of advice. 1. DON’T PANIC. 2. Keep calm and carry on, or in other words keep reading. You can’t police your teen 24/7 (and probably wouldn’t want to be) but you can make sure they know the facts about sex and all that goes with it.

        如果你已发现你的孩子偷食禁果了，那该怎么办呢？先别急，给你两点地道的英国式建议：1.别惊慌；2.保持心平气和，先把我写的东西看完。你不能一刻不离地（24/7）监控着孩子（再说，可能你根本不想这么做），但你得让他们知道偷食禁果的实情及其导致的后果。

•    Don’t go all raging bull. Whatever you do, don’t break down their door and start screaming. You may be angry or hurt, but if you become confrontational, you’ll risk alienating them, and they might never feel that sex is a subject they can talk to you about—even if they get into trouble.

•     不要暴跳如雷。不管怎样，千万别破门而入，甚至大喊大叫。你可能气疯了，心里很不是滋味儿，但如果你和他们逆着来的话，只会恶化你们之间的关系。更有甚者，就算他们以后在这方面遇到麻烦，或许再也不会找你倾诉了。

•    Ask questions. Try to show a calm, genuine interest in how they feel, the pressures they’re under from their peer group, and who they’re involved with. This can be a way into talking honestly and frankly about sex and relationships, and give your teen the impression that they can come to you for advice and help whenever they need to.

•      试着对话。尽量保持心平气和，真诚地和他们对话。问问他们问题究竟出在哪里，是否有同龄人强迫他们，这其中又牵扯到了谁等等。这是种能和孩子坦诚地敞开心扉谈论性和两性关系的法子，这会让你的孩子意识到，不管什么时候，家长就是他们在需要建议和帮助时要找的人。

•    Take a field trip to the GP or sexual health clinic! It’s worth asking your teen if you can take them to your GP or local sexual health clinic so that they can discuss, in confidence, their choices with a health professional. A doctor or nurse can also explain different methods of contraception and protection. Many birth control methods are free on the NHS.

•      带孩子去看看全科医师，或去一趟性健康诊所！先征求孩子的意见，问他们愿不愿意同你去看全科医师，或到当地性健康诊所充满自信地和健康专家聊聊他们的情况。医生或护士也能在避孕和防护措施方面出些点子。据英国国民健康保险制度（NHS），许多避孕措施都是免费的。

•    The superhero principle: with great power comes great responsibility. Make sure your teen understands that sex has consequences, some of them serious but eventually fleeting, like a badly broken heart, while others are serious and life-changing. Explain to them that an unwanted pregnancy can lead to some very hard choices and life paths that adults find difficult, and that STIs (sexually transmitted infections) aren’t just itchy—some of them can be lethal. Yes, sex is fun, but they also need to understand that it’s also one of life’s biggest responsibilities.

•      超级英雄原理：即下大力气负大责任。一定要让你的孩子明白，偷食禁果是要承担后果的。有些后果虽然严重但转瞬即逝，只会让人伤伤心。但有些后果则很严重，甚至都能改变人生。给他们说清楚，无意识的怀孕也很难让人做出抉择，并使人生之路雪上加霜。这点成人早就意识到了。还有，感染了性病后不仅是发痒那么简单，有些简直可以要命的。没错儿，性爱是刺激的。可也得让孩子们明白，这也是人生中其中之一项最大的责任。

•    Make sure they’re having sex for the right reasons. Tell your teen that having sex to feel pretty/thin/hot, or to prove that you love someone, or because all your friends are doing it, are pretty terrible reasons. They should have sex when, and with who, they want to—and make sure that they know it’s never okay to be pressured into having sex or put that pressure on someone else.

•      定要搞清楚，他们偷食禁果是合乎理由的。告知孩子，诸如性爱让他们感觉很棒，欲罢不能，或为了证明爱着某人，或他的朋友们都那么做了之类的理由都是异常可怕而不可接受的。须让他们知道，何时才能与某人发生关系------且被强迫或强迫某人发生性关系，最终都会导致严重的后果。

•    You are the bearer of unconditional things. Remind your teen that as their dad, you’ll be with them through thick and thin. Isn’t that the best part about being a dad?

•      家长要无条件地挑起大梁。给你的孩子提个醒，老爸在任何情况下都在他们身边。难道这个大头不该由做父亲的挑起来吗？

This is the beginning of a journey that will take your teen into adulthood. You might need to accept along the way that your teen’s values and priorities may not be the same as yours when it comes to sex, but this is all a part of growing up.

       这只是你的孩子走向成人的开始。在他们成长的路上，你要接受一个事实，即虽然他们在性方面的价值观和优势并不和你一致，但这确是每个人在成长过程中都必须经历的。