terrible English

1、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...a. 如觉嘿咻乃*不雅词汇屏蔽*不能承受之痛，那是你操错洞...b. 若XXOO是*不雅词汇屏蔽*的痛，那么，是你操错。2、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫！晚到的老鼠有奶酪！b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃。3、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比J.C.来的快.4、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。5、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。6、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.a. 女人的Gao.Chao.可能是装出来的。但是男人*不雅词屏蔽*可以整段感情都是装出来的！b. 女人假装Gao.Chao.以获取真实的感情；男人假装感情以获取真实的Gao.Chao.。7、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.我们永远不可能真正的成熟，我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。8、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.男人就两种状态：饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬，就给他个三明治！9、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B.10、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。11、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~12、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...13、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你你为什么好不了。14、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?直译：一根火柴能点着整片森林，一盒火柴也生不起个营火，这咋回事！意译：想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕，看今朝叔竟然去看男科15、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.要是我听你的，咱俩就都2B了。16、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。b. 越解释越SB，不说话最NB。c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释d. 宁可闭口被人当SB，也不张口解释所有疑。17、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧，别人都在这么做。b. 你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。18、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.a. 所谓的好姑娘，咳！就是还没被群众抓到的JP女·····b. 想立牌坊就得会装