花木兰英文剧本1

 
 
 
PART 1
[Chinese guard is seen walking on The Great Wall. Shan-Yu's falcon swoopsdown and hits the guard on the head knocking his helmet off. The falcon landson top of a flag pole in front of a full moon and lets out a large cry. Onegrappling hook comes over The Great Wall. The guard walks over to the edgeand sees many grappling hooks coming towards him]
Guard [yelling]: We're under attack! Light the signal!
[Guard runs to the tower and up the ladder as Hun Bald Man #1 and Hun LongHair Man appear trying to stop him. Hun Bald Man #1 breaks the ladder withhis sword just as Guard reaches the top. The guard picks up the torch tolight the fire and sees Shan-Yu jump over the edge of the tower and looks athim across from the caldron. The guard throws the torch into the caldronlighting a large fire. Shan-Yu watches as each tower lights their caldronsone by one]
Guard [sternly]: Now all of China knows you're here.
Shan-Yu [taking the flag and holding it over the fire]: Perfect.
[Cut to the palace. The large doors to the central chamber open as General Liwalks in flanked on his left and right by soldiers and approaches the Emperor. He bows, then looks up]
General Li: Your Majesty, the Huns have crossed our Northern border.
Chi Fu: Impossible! No one can get through The Great Wall. [The Emperormotions for Chi Fu's silence]
General Li: Shun-Yu is leading them. We'll set up defenses around yourpalace immediately.
Emperor [forcefully]: No! Send your troops to protect my people. Chi Fu,
Chi Fu: Yes, your highness.
Emperor: Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call upreserves and as many new recruits as possible.
General Li: Forgive me your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him.
Emperor: I wont take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tipthe scale. One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.
[Cut to Mulan using her chopsticks to single out a grain of rice on top of themound of rice]
Mulan: Quiet and demure...graceful...polite...[picking up some rice with herchopsticks and eating a mouthful] delicate...refined...poised... [She setsdown her chopsticks and writes down a final word on her right arm] punctual.[A cock crows] Aiya. [Calling out] Little brother. Little brother. Lit-ahhh, there you are. Who's the smartest doggie in the world? Come on smartboy, can you help me with my chores today?
[Mulan ties a sack of grain around Little Brother's waist. She ties a stickonto Little brother so that end of it is in front of Little Brother's face. She ties the bone on the end of the stick just out of reach. Little Brotherbegins to run after the bone which he cannot reach. Mulan opens the door forLittle Brother and he runs into the door frame, then out the open door. Little brother runs by the chickens and Khan - the family horse]
[Cut to Mulan's Father, Fa Zhou, kneeling and praying before the Fa family'sancestors]
Fa Zhou: Honorable ancestors, please help Mulan impress the matchmaker today.
Little Brother [running into the temple and around Fa Zhou scattering grainaround the floor]: Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.
[The chickens follow Little Brother into the temple and begin to feed on thegrain]
Fa Zhou: Please, PLEASE, help her.
[Mulan steps up to the temple seeing Little Brother on his hind legs trying toget the bone. Mulan bends the stick down so that Little brother can reach thebone. Little brother gnaws on the bone happily. Mulan continues toward thetemple]
Mulan [calling out]: Father I brought your--whoop! [Fa Zhou bumps into Mulan. The cup falls to the ground and Fa Zhou catches the teapot with the handle ofhis cane]
Fa Zhou: Mulan--
Mulan: I brought a spare. [Mulan pulls out a cup from underneath the back ofher dress and begins to pour the tea]
Fa Zhou: Mulan--
Mulan [hurried]: Remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning--
Fa Zhou: Mulan--
Mulan: And three at night.
Fa Zhou: Mulan, you should already be in town. We're counting on you to up--
Mulan: --uphold the family honor. Don't worry father. I wont let you down. [Mulan covers over the writing on her arm with here sleeve] Wish me luck. [Mulan hurries down the stairs]
Fa Zhou [calling out]: Hurry! [to himself] I'm going to...pray some more.[Fa Zhou turns and walks back into the temple]
[Cut to the town with Fa Li looking worried]
Bath Lady [poking out of her building]: Fa Li, is your daughter here yet? The matchmaker is not a patient woman. [She goes back into the building]
Fa Li: Of all days to be late. I should have prayed to the ancestors forluck.
Grandma Fa [walking in with a Cri-Kee in a cage]: How lucky can they be,they're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need. [Speaking toCri-Kee] This is your chance to prove yourself. [Cri-Kee chirps approvingly. Grandma Fa covers her eyes steps into a busy street]
Fa Li [excitedly]: Grandma No!
[The traffic barely misses Grandma Fa as she crosses the busy street. But twohorse and carriage collide causing a big accident. She arrives at the otherside of the street, uncovers here eyes and looks at Cri-Kee]
Grandma Fa: Yep, this cricket's a lucky one. [Cri-Kee falls over out offright]
Fa Li [sighing in relief]: Hai.
[Mulan arrives on Khan jumping over the recent accident in the street andjumps off with hay stuck in her hair]
Mulan: I'm here. [Seeing a stern look from her mother] What? But Mama I hadto--
Fa Li: None of your 'xcuses. Now let's get you cleaned up. [They walktogether into the preparation area]
[Song: Honor to us all]
Bath Lady: [all the while Bath Lady undresses Mulan and pushes her into theBath]This is what you give me to work with?Well, honey, I've seen worse.We're gonna turn this sow's earInto a silk purse. [Bath Lady moves the silk partition aside showing Mulan inthe bath]
Mulan [spoken]: It's freezing.
Fa Li [spoken]: It would have been warm if you were here on time.
Bath Lady [washing Mulan's hair]:We'll have youWashed and driedPrimped and polished till you glow with prideTrust my recipe for instant brideYou'll bring honor to us all
Fa Li [grabbing a sponge and Mulan's right arm to start cleaning her. Shenotices the writing] [spoken]: Mulan, what's this?
Mulan [Drawing her arm back and batting her eyelashes] [spoken]: Ahh, notes,in case I forget something?
Grandma Fa [spoken]: Here, hold this [hands the cricket to Fa Li]. We'llneed more luck than I thought. [Mulan looks on with an air of disappointment]
[Cut to the hair dressers]
Hair Dresser 1 [Brushing and combing Mulan's hair much to Mulan's chagrin]:Wait and seeWhen we're through
Hair Dresser 2:Boys will gladly go to war for you
Hair Dresser 1:With good fortune
Hair Dresser 2 [Finalizing the hairdo to look exactly like hers]:And a great hairdo
Both:You'll bring honor to us all
Fa Li and others: [Mulan following her Mother passes a xiangqi game andpauses to make an impressive move. Mulan has a smug look on her face when FaLi comes back and drags Mulan away]A girl can bring her familyGreat honor in one wayBy striking a good matchAnd this could be the day
Dresser 1 [Dresser 1, Dresser 2, and Fa Li dress Mulan]:Men want girls with good taste
Dresser 2:Calm
Fa Li:Obedient
Dresser 1:Who work fast-paced
Fa Li:With good breeding
Dresser 2 [Pulling the dress tight around her waist]:And a tiny waist
Mulan [expressing her waist being squeezed tight] [spoken]: huh.
All Three:You'll bring honor to us all
Chorus: [Mulan follows Fa Li and sees boy stealing a doll from a girl. Mulangrabs the doll from the boy and returns it to its owner]We all must serve our EmperorWho guards us from the HunsA man by bearing armsA girl by bearing sons
Make-up Lady/Fa Li: [Putting on Mulan's face, powder, lipstick and eye liner][in a 3 person round] When we're through you can't failLike a lotus blossom soft and paleHow could any fellow say "No sale"You'll bring honor to us all[Make-Up Lady holds a mirror so Mulan can see her reflection. Not lookingpleased, Mulan takes her single, short bang and brings it down in front of herforehead and smiles]
Fa Li [spoken. Fa Li places a hair comb in Mulan's hair]: There, you'reready.
Grandma Fa [spoken]: Not yet! An apple for serenity [putting an apple inMulan's mouth]...A pendant for balance [places a yin-yang pendant under hersash] [sings]
Beads of jade for beauty [putting beads around Mulan's neck]You must proudly show it [Grandma Fa raises her chin high with her hand]Now add a cricket just for luck [putting the cage with Cri-Kee under Mulan'ssash in the back. Cri-Kee doesn't look pleased]And even you can't blow it
Mulan: [Walking to catch up with the other maidens]AncestorsHear my pleaHelp me not to make a fool of meAnd to not uproot my fam'ly treeKeep my father standing tall
Maidens and Mulan: [Mulan taking the parasol from Fal Li and running to fallin line with the other 4 maidens]Scarier than the undertakerWe are meeting our matchmaker
All Townspeople:DestinyGuard our girlsAnd our future as it fast unfurlsPlease look kindly on these cultured pearlsEach a perfect porcelain doll
Maiden #1: Please bring honor to usMaiden #2: Please bring honor to usMaiden #3: Please bring honor to usMaiden #4: Please bring honor to usMulan and Maidens: Please bring honor to us all!
[All Girls and Mulan arrive before the Matchmaker crouched down behind theirparasols. End of song]
Matchmaker [looking at her clipboard]: Fa Mulan
Mulan [Jumping up and raising her hand]: Present.
Matchmaker: Speaking without permission.
Mulan: Oops.
Grandma Fa [to Fa Li]: Who spit in her bean curd?
[Mulan walks into the Matchmaker's building with the Matchmaker followingbehind and closing the door]
Matchmaker [looking over Mulan]: Huh, Hmm, too skinny. [Cri-Kee escapes fromhis cage. Mulan struggles to catch him] Hmph, not good for bearing sons. [Mulan puts Cri-Kee in her mouth when Matchmaker turns around to face her]Recite the final admonition.
Mulan [nodding and smiling]: Mmm-Hmm. [Takes out fan and covers her mouth asshe spits out Cri-Kee] Ptu
Matchmaker: Well...
Mulan [with dignity]: Fulfill your duties calmly and re...f--[looking at herarm with smeared writing] spectfully. Reflect before you snack [surprised,Mulan looks at her arm again] act. [now rapidly] This shall bring you honorand glory. [Fanning herself rapidly and sighing in relief] Huh.
Matchmaker [snatches the fan and looks at it on both sides looking for notesnot finding any. Mulan smiles big when Matchmaker looks at her. Matchmakergrabs Mulan's right arm pulling her along while smearing the writing andleaving some ink on her hand] Hmmm, this way. Now, pour the tea [Pushing ateapot towards Mulan]. To please your future in-laws you must demonstrate asense of dignity [Matchmaker smears ink around her mouth. Mulan staring atMatchmaker pours some tea onto the table then notices her mistake and poursthe tea into the cup] and refinement. You must also be poised. [Mulannotices Cri-kee in the tea-cup as Matchmaker takes the cup]
Mulan [quiet and timid]: Um, pardon me.
Matchmaker: And silent! [Matchmaker sniffs the tea]
Mulan [reaching and grabbing the teacup]: Could I just take that back...onemoment.
[They struggle for the teacup and it turns over on Matchmaker and Cri-keejumps down matchmaker's dress]
Matchmaker: Why you clumsy--[Matchmaker feels Cri-Kee in her dress and dancesaround] Wooo, woooo, wooooooo, [Matchmaker knocks over her pot of coals, andsits down on the coals. Matchmaker jumps around screaming] Ahhhhhhhhhhh [Mulan grabs her fan and briskly fans the charred area on Matchmaker's behindcausing it to flame up. Mulan looks surprised about her mistake]
[Cut to outside Matchmakers building showing Grandma Fa with much noise comingfrom Matchmaker's building] 
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PART 2
Grandma Fa [to Fa Li]: I think it's going well, don't you?
Matchmaker [running out of the building screaming]: Put it out! Put it out! Put it out! [Mulan takes the teapot, throws the tea on Matchmaker and puts outthe fire. She bows, hands the teapot back to Matchmaker and covers her faceas she walks toward Fa Li and Grandma Fa] [with anger] You are a disgrace! [Matchmaker throws the teapot down smashing it to pieces] You may look like abride, but you will never bring your family honor!
[The townsfolk who have gathered whisper and walk away]
[Cut to Mulan walking through the gate with her home leading khan. She lookssorrowful. Fa Zhou sees his daughter and smiles. Mulan sees her father'ssmile. She covers her face with Khan's head and leads him to the watertrough]
[Song: Reflection]
Mulan: Look at me [looking at her reflection in the water trough]I will never pass for a perfect bride [taking off her earrings and beads of jade]Or a perfect daughter [Mulan watches Fa Li relating what happened at theMatchmaker's to Fa Zhou]Can it beI'm not meant to play this part? [Mulan releases Cri-Kee back to the wild]Now I seeThat if I were to trulyTo be myself [Mulan hops along the bridge railing]I would break my family's heart
Who is that girl I see [Mulan looks into the pond and sees her ownreflection]Staring straightBack at me? [Mulan puts her hand on the Great Stone Dragon and looks towardthe temple]Why is my reflection someone I don't know? [Cri-Kee rowing across the pond on a lily pad]Somehow I cannot hide [Mulan walking into the family temple]Who I am [Cri-Kee watches Mulan in the temple seeing multiple reflections ofherself in the ancestors' stones]Though I've tried [Mulan bows to the ancestors]When will my reflection showWho I am inside? [Mulan finishes wiping off her make-up seeing her reflectionin the stones]When will my reflection showWho I am inside? [Mulan gets up and heads out the temple]
[End of song. Mulan sits on a bench under the blossom tree. Fa Zhouapproaches her, clearing his throat. Mulan sees him approaching and turns herhead away. Fa Zhou sits down beside Mulan]
Fa Zhou: My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year [looking up intothe blossom tree]. But look, this one's late. But, I'll bet that when itblooms, it will be the most beautiful of all. [Mulan and Fa Zhou sharesmiles. Drums start pounding announcing the arrival of Chi Fu and two guardson horseback]
Mulan: What is it?
[Fa Zhou gets up and walks to the entrance of their house with Mulanfollowing]
Fa Li: Mulan, stay inside.
[Grandma Fa clears her throat catching Mulan's attention and motions inside. Mulan spies the railing near the wall and climbs up to watch over the roof]
Chi Fu: Citizens I bring you a proclamation from the Imperial City: theHuns have invaded China!
Townspeople [expressing surprise]: No!
Chi Fu: By order of the Emperor, one man from every family must serve in theImperial Army. The Xiao family [a family member steps up, bows to the guardand takes the conscription notice from the guard]. The Yi family.
Yi's Son [holding his old father back]: I will serve the Emperor in myfather's place.
Chi Fu: The Fa Family.
Mulan: No.
[Fa Zhou gives his cane to Fa Li and walks toward Chi Fu. Fa Zhou bows beforethe horsemen]
Fa Zhou [standing proud]: I am ready to serve the Emperor. [Fa Zhou reachesfor the conscription notice]
Mulan [running outside to keep her father from taking the conscriptionnotice]: Father, you can't go.
Fa Zhou [turning to see his daughter]: Mulan!
Mulan: Please sir, my father has already fought bravely--
Chi Fu: Silence! You would do well to teach your daughter to hold her tonguein a man's presence.
Fa Zhou [looking away from Mulan]: Mulan, you dishonor me.
[Grandma Fa guides Mulan back away]
Chi Fu [handing Fa Zhou the conscription notice]: Report tomorrow at the WuShu camp.
Fa Zhou: Yes, sir. [Fa Zhou walks back into the homestead refusing to takehis cane from Fa Li]
Chi Fu [fading out as we follow Fa Zhou]: The Chu family. The Wen family. The Chang family. The...
[Cut to Fa Zhou in his armory at night. Fa Zhou takes out his sword andpractices his stances. Whan he balances on his right leg, his leg injury actsup and he falls. Unbeknownst to her father, Mulan watches in horror. Shebreathes heavily]
[Cut to dinner. The Fa Zhou, Grandma Fa, Fa Li, and Mulan eat in silence. Thunder can be heard and lightning can be seen through the opaque window. Mulan pours the tea for her family. She slams her teacup down on the tableand stands up]
Mulan: You shouldn't have to go.
Fa Li: Mulan!
Mulan: There are plenty of young men to fight for China.
Fa Zhou: It is an honor to protect my country and my family.
Mulan [angrily]: So you'll die for honor!
Fa Zhou [standing up and angered]: I will DIE doing what's right.
Mulan [starts to speak but is cut off]: But if you--
Fa Zhou: I know my place, it is time you learned yours.
[Mulan looking like she's about to cry, turn away from Fa Zhou and runsoutside into the rain storm and cries]
[Cut to Mulan sitting at the base of the Great Stone Dragon in the rain. Mulan looks down to see her reflection in the puddle caused by the rain. Shewatches her parents in the bedroom. Fa Li turns away from Fa Zhou and walksout of site. Fa Zhou blows out the light. Mulan gets up and walks to the FaFamily Temple. Mulan's image reflects off the stone tablets as she lightsincense and places it in the hanging encense holder. She bows and prays toher ancestors. Getting up, Mulan hurries down the steps. Cri-Kee sees her andhops down from above and follows her. Mulan goes to her parent's bedroom andtakes the conscription notice replacing it with the hair comb her mother gaveto her. She pauses to give her parents a loving, sorrowful look and hurriesout. Cut to Mulan in the armory. She opens the cabinet with the armor. Using her father's sword, she cuts her hair short and ties it up above herhead. She finishes putting on the armor and ties it in the front. She takesthe sword and places it in the scabbard to her left. Cut to Mulan in thestable doorway. Khan rears back in fright at the sight of Mulan. Mulan goesforward and comforts Khan letting him know her identity. Mulan walks Khan outof the stable, Cri-Kee watches from the ground as she passes by. Mulan takesone sorrowful glance back at her parents bedroom and rides Khan through thegate and off to camp.]
[Cut to the face of a statue in the Fa Family Temple. The eyes glow. Cut toGrandma Fa. She wakes up with a start rising in bed. Cut to Grandma Fawalking into Fa Li and Fa Zhou's bedroom, both are in bed]
Grandma Fa: Mulan is gone.
Fa Zhou [waking up]: What? It can't be. [Fa Zhou looks at his night standand notices the hair comb in place of his conscription notice. He checks thecabinet and sees his armor is gone. He hurries outside] [calling out] Mulan! [He stumbles while walking because of his leg injury] No.
Fa Li [kneeling down beside the fallen Fa Zhou]: You must go after her. Shecould be killed!
Fa Zhou [sadly]: If I reveal her, she will be. [Fa Zhou embraces Fa Li]
Grandma Fa: Ancestors, hear our prayer: Watch over Mulan.
[Cut to the Fa Family Temple. A wind blows out the incense at the base of thecenter stone. The center stone begins to glow as First Ancestor comes tolife]
First Ancestor [motioning to a bronze dragon]: Mushu, awaken!
[Mushu comes to life and falls to the ground flat on his back all beingobscured by smoke]
Mushu [rising from the smoke arms stretched out]: I live! So tell me whatmortal needs my protection Great Ancestor. You just say the word and I'mthere.
First Ancestor [agitated]: Mushu!
Mushu: Hey, let me say something. Anybody who is foolish enough to threatenour family, vengeance will be MINE. Hrrrrr.
First Ancestor [sternly to silence Mushu]: Mushu! These are the familyguardians [motioning towards the stone statues on pedestals near the ceiling]. They...
Mushu [dejectedly]: Protect the family.
First Ancestor [pointing to the empty pedestal]: And you, oh demoted one.
Mushu: I...ring the gong.
First Ancestor: That's right, now, wake up the ancestors.
Mushu: One family reunion coming right up. [ringing the gong] Okay people,people look alive, lets go! C'mon get up. Let's move it, rise and shine. You're way past the beauty sleep thing now trust me!
Ancestor 1: I knew it, I knew it. That Mulan was a trouble maker from thestart.
Ancestor 3: Don't look at me, she gets it from your side of the family.
Ancestor 2: She's just trying to help her father.
Ancestor 4 [appearing out of thin air]: But, if she is discovered, Fa Zhouwill be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional valueswill disintegrate.
Ancestor 5: Not to mention they'll lose the farm.
Ancestor 1: My children never caused such trouble. They all becameacupuncturists.
Ancestor 3: Well, We can't all be acupuncturists.
Ancestor 6: No, your great granddaughter had to be cross-dresser!
[All ancestors argue at once, except First Ancestor]
Ancestor 7: Let a guardian bring her back.
Ancestor 8 [grabbing Mushu and bringing him next to a guardian]: Yeah, awakenthe most cunning.
Ancestor 4 [taking Mushu and holding him next to the stone rabbit guardian]: No, the swiftest.
Ancestor 9 [grabbing Mushu and holding him next to the stone monkey guardian]: No, send the wisest.
First Ancestor: Silence! We must send the most powerful of all [Motioning tothe Great Stone Dragon as it is seen through the window]
Mushu [climbs up the empty guardian post laughing]: Ho, ho, heh, heh. Okay,okay, I get the drift, I'll go. [All Ancestors give a quick look of surpriseand laugh uncontrollably] You all don't think I can do it. Watch this here. [Mushu produces a small flame from his mouth] Ah, ha, Jump back, I'm prettyhot huh. Don't make me have to singe nobody to prove no point.
First Ancestor [grabbing Mushu and pulling away from the post]: You had yourchance to protect the Fa family.
Ancestor 6: Your mis-guidance led Fa Deng to disaster.
Fa Deng [with his decapitated head on his lap]: Yeah, thanks a lot.
Mushu: And your point is?
First Ancestor: The point is we will be sending a real dragon to retrieveMulan.
Mushu: What? But I'm a real dragon.
First Ancestor [grabbing Mushu and pulling him away from the guardian post asMushu fights to hold on]: You are not worthy of this spot. Now, awaken theGreat Stone Dragon. [First Ancestor throws Mushu out of the temple]
Mushu [looking back into the temple]: So you'll get back to me on the jobthing.
[An ancestor throws Mushu's gong and hits Mushu in the face]
Mushu [walking with a slouch and banging the gong on the ground]: Just onechance is that too much to ask? I mean, it's not like it'll kill ya.
Mushu [rings the gong and looks at the Great Stone Dragon]: Yo rocky, wakeup! You gotta go fetch Mulan. [pauses as nothing happens. Mushu walks overto the side of the statue] C'mon boy, go get her, go on, [throws the gongstick off the screen and whistles] Come on. [Angrily while climbing up theGreat Stone Dragon] Grrr, Grrrr. [speaking in his ear and banging the earwith the gong] Hello, helloooooo. [curtly] Hello [bangs the gong extra hardagainst the ear causing it to break off]. Uh oh. [The Great Stone Dragoncrumbles to the ground, head intact minus the ear]. [knocks on the dragon'shead] Uh, Stoney, Stooooneeey. Oh man, they're gonna kill me!
First Ancestor [calling out through the temple window]: Great Stone Dragon,have you awaken?
Mushu [holding the head of the Great Stone Dragon up to that First Ancestorcan only see it's head and Mushu's body]: Uhhh, Yes, I just woke up. And Iam the Great Stone Dragon, good morning [Mushu waves]. I will go forth andfetch Mulan. Did, did I mention that I was the Great Stone Dragon?
First Ancestor: Go, The fate of the Fa Family rests in your claws.
Mushu: Don't even worry about it, I will not lose face. [Mushu falls downthe hill under the weight of the Great Stone Dragon's head and lands on thedragon's pedestal with the head falling on top of him]
Mushu [muffled]: Ow, my elbow. Aw, aw, I know I twisted something. [Throwing the head off him] That's just great. Now what? I'm doomed! Andall 'cause miss man decides to take her little drag show on the road.
[Cri-Kee enters stage right]
Cri-Kee: Chirp, Chirp.
Mushu: Go get her? What's the matter with you? After this great stoneHumpty Dumpty mess, I'd have to bring her home with a medal to get back in thetemple. Wait a minute, that's it! I make Mulan a war hero, then they'll bebegging me to come back to work. That's the master plan. Oh, you've gone anddone it now. [Mushu runs off stage right]
Cri-Kee [hopping along side of Mushu]: Chirp. Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Mushu [pushing Cri-Kee away]: Hey, what makes you think you're coming?
Cri-Kee: Chirp, Chirp.
Mushu: You're lucky? Ho, ho, heh. Do I look like a sucker to you?
Cri-Kee: Chirp. Chirp.
Mushu: Whach' you mean loser? How 'bout I pop one of your antenna's off andthrow it across the yard. Then who's a loser, me or you?
[Interlude]
[Cut to Shan-Yu leading his army at a charge on horseback through a forest. He stops and motions stage right. Hun Archer, Hun Strong Guy, Hun Long-HairGuy dismount and walk into the forest. They throw down two Imperial scoutsbefore the rest of the army]
Hun Long-Hair Guy: Imperial scouts.
[Shan Yu dismounts and walks towards the scouts]
Scout #1: Shan-Yu.
[He crouches down in front of them]
Shan-Yu [adjusting Scout #1's collar]: Nice work, gentlemen. You found theHun army. [motioning to the soldiers on horseback. The Hun army laughs]
Scout #2: The Emperor will stop you.
Shan-Yu [grabs Scout #2 by the shirt collar and lifts him up to his face]: Stop me? He invited me. By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well I'm here to play his game [Shan-Yu throws Scout #2 to the ground andpoints his sword at Scout #1 as he gets up and runs] [calling out to thescouts] Go! Tell your emperor to send his strongest armies. [Quietly] I'mready.
[The Imperial Scouts run off towards the palace]
Shan-Yu [scratching his chin]: How many men does it take to deliver amessage.
Archer Guy [drawing back his bow]: One.
[End Interlude]
[Cut to Mulan on a hill outside of the camp. Khan is sitting watching] 
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PART 3
Mulan: Okay, okay, how 'bout this? Ahem, [in her manly voice] excuse me,where do I sign in? Hah, I see you have a sword. I have one too. They'revery manly and tough [Mulan bites her lip as she mishandles pulling the swordout of the scabbard and it falls to the ground. Khan rolls on his back inlaughter. Mulan throws her shoe and hits Khan in the head with it quietingKhan]. I'm working on it. Who am I fooling? It's going to take a miracle toget me into the army.
[Mushu appears as a giant shadow being cast on a rock with flames on eitherside. Mushu's real appearance remains out of sight]
Mushu [in a Southern Baptist Preacher's voice]: Did I hear someone ask for amiracle!? Let me hear you say aye!
Mulan [Running and hiding behind a rock]: Ahhhhhh.
Mushu: That's close enough.
Mulan [from behind a rock]: Ghost.
Mushu: Get ready Mulan your serpentine salvation is at hand. For I havebeen sent by your ancestors-- [notices Cri-Kee making a hand shadow of adragon on the rock and stamps him down with his foot] to guide you throughyour masquerade. [bending down to Cri-Kee] C'mon, you're gonna stay you'regonna work. [returning to Mulan] Heed my word, 'cause if the army finds outthat you are a girl, the penalty is death. [big flames shoot up from therocks]
Mulan: Who are you?
Mushu: Who am I? Who am I? I am the guardian of lost souls. [Mulan smilesbig in anticipation of seeing her guardian] I am the powerful, thepleasurable, the indestructible [coming out from the rocks to show his realsize] Mushu! Oh hah, hah, pretty hot, huh? [Khan stomps on Mushu. Mulanpushes Khan back]
Mulan: Ah, my ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?
Mushu: Hey, dragon, dragon, not lizard. I don't do that tongue thing [flipsout his tongue to show Mulan what he means].
Mulan: You're uh...
Mushu: Intimidating? Awe inspiring?
Mulan [making a hand gesture to denote his smallness of size]: Tiny.
Mushu [with a look of disappointment]: Of course. I'm travel size for yourconvenience. If I was my real size, your cow here [patting Khan on the nose]would die of fright. [Khan tries to bite Mushu] [pointing to the groundspeaking to Khan] Down Bessy. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, [leaning in and looking at Mulan's chest] my eyes can seestraight through your armor. [Mulan cover her bust with her left arm andslaps Mushu with the right] Ow. [angrily] All right, that's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family. [aside to Cri-Kee] Make a note of this[Cri-Kee grabs a leaf and a pen and starts writing]. [Loudly with gusto]Dishonor on you. Dishonor on your cow. Dis-
Mulan [pleadingly while covering Mushu's mouth]: Stop! I'm sorry, I'm sorry[kneeling down in front of Mushu]. I'm just nervous. I've never done thisbefore.
Mushu: Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more, weclear on that? [Mulan nods emphatically]. All right. Okey dokey, let's getthis show on the road. Cri-Kee, get the bags [Mushu starts walking to thecamp]. [to Khan] Let's move it heifer.
[Cut to Mulan at the camp's entrance]
Mushu [hiding in Mulan's armor poking his head out from her back]: Okay thisis it, time to show 'em your man walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feetapart, head up [Mushu pulls Mulan's head back] ...and strut 2, 3, break itdown, 2, 3 and work it, [Mulan walks into the camp drawing the attention themen who see her. Mulan walks into a tent and sees a man picking his nose andanother man picking out dirt from between his toes with chopsticks] Beautifulisn't it?
Mulan [making a face of disgust and continuing to walk]: They're disgusting.
Mushu: No, they're men. And you're going to have to act just like them, sopay attention.
[Mulan stops and watches Yao, Ling, Chien-Po and Tattoo Soldier]
Tattoo Soldier [showing the dragon tattoo on his chest and belly]: Look, thistattoo will protect me from harm.
[Yao thinks for a moment, then punches Tattoo Soldier in the stomach causingLing to laugh. Mulan watches in utter amazement. Yao kisses his hand]
Ling [laughing]: I hope you can get your money back.
Mulan: I don't think I can do this.
Mushu: It's all attitude. Be tough like this guy here [looking at Yao].
[Mulan looks at Yao as he hocks up a loogie and spits]
Yao [noticing Mulan watching him]: What are you looking at?
Mushu: Punch him, it's how men say 'hello.'
[Mulan looks at her fist, then punches Yao from behind on the shoulder. Theforce causes Yao to run into Chien-Po]
Chien-Po: Oh Yao, you made a friend.
Mushu: Good, Now slap him on the behind, they like that.
[Mulan slaps Yao on the behind]
Yao: Wu hoo hooooo. [grabbing Mulan buy the collar] I'm going to hit you sohard it'll make your ancestors dizzy.
Chien-Po [Holding and picking up Yao]: Yao, relax and chant with me. Yaaaaaaa Moouuuu Ahhhhhh Doooou Fuuuu Daaaaa. Yao: Ya Mi Ah To Fu Da.
Chien-Po: Feel better?
Yao [relaxed]: Yeah. [Chien-Po places Yao back on the ground] [to Mulanwhile walking away] Aaaaa, you ain't worth my time chicken boy.
Mushu [loudly]: Chicken boy!? Say that to my face ya limp noodle!
[Yao grabs Mulan by the collar cocking back his arm to punch. Mulan ducks asYao hits Ling standing behind her]
Yao: Oh, sorry Ling. Hey!
[Yao grabs Mulan's foot as she starts to crawl away. Ling kicks Yao on the butt causing him to land on Chien-Po's stomach. Ling Jumpattacks Mulan, but she ducks and he lands on Yao on top of Chien-Po]
Ling: You're dead. [They fight on top of Chien-Po. Mulan runs away. Ling notices Mulan and then points toward her] Oh, there he goes.
[Mulan runs into a tent and stops. Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po (in that order) run through the tent. Yao stops short as he is about to run into asoldier in a line for food. He looks behind him with concerned eyes as Ling stops in time. Chien-Po bumps into Ling causing the entire lineof soldiers to fall forward and knock over the pot of congee and the cook behind it. The men look to the back of the line and spy Mulan whohas emerged from the tent. They angrily start walking towards her. Mulan has a look of horror on her face as if trouble is about to brew]
Mulan: Hey guys.
[Chi Fu watches and then walks into the tent. General Li and Li Shang are in the tent.]
General Li [motioning with his pointer to a map of the region]: The Huns have struck here, here and here. I will take the main troops up tothe Tung Shao Pass and stop Shan-Yu before he destroys this village.
Chi Fu: Excellent strategy, Sir. I do love surprises, Ha ha, ha, ha.
General Li: You will stay here and train the new recruits. When Chi Fu believes you're ready, you will join us...Captain. [General Li handsa sword to Shang]
Shang: Captain?
Chi Fu: Oh, this is an enormous responsibility, General. Uh, perhaps a soldier with more experience--
General Li: Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques, [leaning back smugly stroking his chin] an impressivemilitary lineage. I believe Li Shang will do an excellent job.
Shang [excitedly]: Oh, I will. I wont let you down. This is, I mean, I...[somberly] yes sir.
General Li [gets up and starts walking out of the tent]: Very good then. We'll toast China's victory at the Imperial City. [to Chi Fu] I'llexpect a full report in three weeks.
Chi Fu [to Shang]: And I wont leave anything out. [exits through the tent]
Shang [while tying his sword to his uniform]: Captain Li Shang, Hmmm, leader of China's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time. Heh, heh, heh, heh. [Shang walks out of the tent to see the recruits fighting. He stands stage left of Chi Fu and General Li. Injured Recruitsees the General and salutes him as he falls to the ground. General Li steps over Injured Recruit and mounts his horse]
Chi Fu: Most impressive.
General Li: Good luck Captain. [The general and his mounted troops leave the camp]
Shang [quietly, to himself]: Good luck, Father. [Shang looks at his troops and sighs]
Chi Fu [smirking, with board and brush in hand]: Day one.
Shang [shouting]: Soldiers!
All Recruits [backing away revealing Mulan and pointing at her. Mulan is crouching in the fetal position on the ground]: He started it!
[Shang approaches Mulan and looks down over her. Mulan looks up, sees Shang over top of her and gets up quickly dusting herself off]
Shang [to Mulan]: I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp!
Mulan: Sorry, [in her man voice] Uhh, I mean, sorry you had to see that. [with her fist she taps Shang on the shoulder] You know how it iswhen you get those, uh [pounding her chest] manly urges and you just have to kill something [slapping her hand], fix things, uh, cookoutdoors.
Shang: What's your name?
Mulan [stumbling]: Ahh, I, uhhh, I, uh--
Chi Fu [stepping into Mulan's face]: Your commanding officer just asked you a question.
Mulan: Uhh, I've got a name. Huh. And it's a boys name too.
Mushu [from the back of Mulan]: Ling, How 'bout Ling?
Mulan [to Mushu motioning with her head to Ling]: His name's Ling.
Shang: I didn't ask for his name. I asked for yours.
Mushu: Try, uh, ahh, Chu!
Mulan: Ah Chu.
Shang: Ah Chu?
Mushu: Gesundheit. He He, I kill myself.
Mulan [whispering over her shoulder]: Mushu.
Shang: Mushu?
Mulan: No.
Shang: Then what is it!
Mushu: Ping! Ping was my best friend growing up!
Mulan: It's Ping.
Shang: Ping.
Mushu: Of course Ping DID steal my gir-[Mulan reaches back and grabs holds Mushu's mouth together]
Mulan: Yes, my name is Ping.
Shang: Let me see your conscription notice. [Takes the notice from Mulan] Fa Zhou, *the* Fa Zhou?
Chi Fu: I didn't know Fa Zhou had a son.
Mulan: Um, he...doesn't talk about me much. [Mulan tries to hawk up a loogie and spit but the saliva just runs from her mouth. Therecruits laugh]
Chi Fu: I can see why, the boy's an absolute lunatic.
Shang [to the recruits]: Okay gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Ping, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. Andtomorrow, the real work begins.
[All recruits growl at Mulan]
Mushu [Popping out the front of Mulan's armor]: You know, we have to work on your people skills.
[Cut to Mulan sleeping in her tent. Mushu winds up Cri-Kee's wings. Cri-Kee rings like an alarm clock] 
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