神马文学网关于女人的几则英语笑话
来源：百度文库 编辑：神马文学网 时间：2024/04/26 23:08:45
The Silent Treatment 冷战
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. 一对夫妇因争执而冷战互不讲话。
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. 忽然丈夫记起，他需要妻子明早五时唤醒他赶早班飞机。
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper; Please wake me at 5:00 AM. 在不愿失去面子首先打破冷战沉默下，他给妻子留了一张字条，“请在明早五点叫我起床”！
He left it where he knew she would find it. 他将字条留在妻子一定能看到的地方。
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. 第二天早上，他起床时已是九点，无疑的，他错过了班机。
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. 气急败坏的，他要找他妻子算账。但他看到床头也贴了一张字条。
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' 字条上写着，“五点了，起床”！
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. 在这种冷战里，男人是永远准备不足的。
Wife vs. Husband 针尖对麦芒
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. 一对夫妇驾车在乡间的路上，双方一言不发。
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. 较早，他们有过争执而谁也不肯退让。
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 当他们经过一个农场见到一群驴、山羊和猪时，先生讽刺的说，“都是妳的亲戚吗？”
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws'
“没错”，妻子回答，“全是婆家的”！
Women’s Revenge 女人的报复
'Cash, cheque or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
“您付现金、支票还是刷卡？”在把那位女士买的东西打包后，我问道。
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 她笨拙的在皮包里翻找的时候，我看到一个电视遥控器在她的皮包里。
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
“您出门总是把遥控器带在身边吗？”，我好奇的问。
'No,' she replied, ' but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
“不是”，她回答，“只有在我先生不肯跟我出来买东西时，我想，这是最‘鬼’的教训他的方法了。”
Words 多话
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. 一个先生向他的妻子读一篇女人每天说话是男人两倍的文章。
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...妻子回答道，“那是因为女人对男人每句话都需要重复的缘故。”
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' 先生转过头问道，“妳说什么？”
Creation 上帝创造
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. 一个男人问他的妻子，“我不明白，妳怎么能同时这么美丽又这么愚蠢。”
The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.'妻子回答道，“我告诉你为什么。”
'God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me.'
“上帝把我创造的如此美丽，这样才能吸引你。”
'God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!!!'
“上帝又把我创造的这么愚蠢，这样我才会嫁给你。”
Who Does What 上帝也疯狂
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. 一对夫妻在争论每天早上应该谁冲泡（brew）咖啡。
The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.' 妻子说，“当然是该你冲泡，你起的比较早，这样我起来的时候，我们就不用等了。”
The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' 先生说，“妳负责烧饭，因此冲泡咖啡也是你该做的。”
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' 妻子回答，“不，冲泡是男人的事，圣经上也这么说。”
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' 先生说，“胡扯，证明给我看。”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS' 妻子拿来圣经，翻到“新约”的“希伯来书”（He Brews）(他冲泡)。
哈哈哈！
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.或许上帝先创造了男人，但与后来创造的“杰作”相比，男人不过是个“草稿”!!!
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. 一对夫妇因争执而冷战互不讲话。
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. 忽然丈夫记起，他需要妻子明早五时唤醒他赶早班飞机。
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper; Please wake me at 5:00 AM. 在不愿失去面子首先打破冷战沉默下，他给妻子留了一张字条，“请在明早五点叫我起床”！
He left it where he knew she would find it. 他将字条留在妻子一定能看到的地方。
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. 第二天早上，他起床时已是九点，无疑的，他错过了班机。
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. 气急败坏的，他要找他妻子算账。但他看到床头也贴了一张字条。
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' 字条上写着，“五点了，起床”！
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. 在这种冷战里，男人是永远准备不足的。
Wife vs. Husband 针尖对麦芒
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. 一对夫妇驾车在乡间的路上，双方一言不发。
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. 较早，他们有过争执而谁也不肯退让。
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 当他们经过一个农场见到一群驴、山羊和猪时，先生讽刺的说，“都是妳的亲戚吗？”
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws'
“没错”，妻子回答，“全是婆家的”！
Women’s Revenge 女人的报复
'Cash, cheque or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
“您付现金、支票还是刷卡？”在把那位女士买的东西打包后，我问道。
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 她笨拙的在皮包里翻找的时候，我看到一个电视遥控器在她的皮包里。
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
“您出门总是把遥控器带在身边吗？”，我好奇的问。
'No,' she replied, ' but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
“不是”，她回答，“只有在我先生不肯跟我出来买东西时，我想，这是最‘鬼’的教训他的方法了。”
Words 多话
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000. 一个先生向他的妻子读一篇女人每天说话是男人两倍的文章。
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...妻子回答道，“那是因为女人对男人每句话都需要重复的缘故。”
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' 先生转过头问道，“妳说什么？”
Creation 上帝创造
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. 一个男人问他的妻子，“我不明白，妳怎么能同时这么美丽又这么愚蠢。”
The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.'妻子回答道，“我告诉你为什么。”
'God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me.'
“上帝把我创造的如此美丽，这样才能吸引你。”
'God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!!!'
“上帝又把我创造的这么愚蠢，这样我才会嫁给你。”
Who Does What 上帝也疯狂
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. 一对夫妻在争论每天早上应该谁冲泡（brew）咖啡。
The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.' 妻子说，“当然是该你冲泡，你起的比较早，这样我起来的时候，我们就不用等了。”
The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' 先生说，“妳负责烧饭，因此冲泡咖啡也是你该做的。”
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' 妻子回答，“不，冲泡是男人的事，圣经上也这么说。”
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' 先生说，“胡扯，证明给我看。”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS' 妻子拿来圣经，翻到“新约”的“希伯来书”（He Brews）(他冲泡)。
哈哈哈！
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.或许上帝先创造了男人，但与后来创造的“杰作”相比，男人不过是个“草稿”!!!