『老外说男女』我的老公爱的是他？9大信号提醒你

我们不确定这篇文章是否只是个讽刺，但从表面看来谁也不知道。我们选择了九条我们最喜欢的“广为认同”的信号，并且将他们与同样荒谬的照片搭配起来，以便向我们的读者展示，这篇文章究竟有多蠢。你可以点击这里去看看那些你丈夫可能是同性恋的理由，如果它们是讽刺就妙极了，如果是当真的，那就太惊悚了。别忘了为最荒谬的理由投票！

信号1：他对运动本无兴趣，却办了健身房的会员证。

He Has A “Gym Membership But No Interest In Sports”

“Gay men use the gym as a place to socialize and to have secret liaisons in the bathrooms. If your man returns from the gym too exhausted to talk or have sex, that is a worrisome sign.”

If your husband comes home from the gym “exhausted,” it could also just be a result of working out. Wait, what are we saying? He’s DEFINITELY having “secret liaisons” in the bathroom. Obviously.

“同性恋男人将健身房当作一个可以进行交际并且在浴室私下亲密的地方。如果你的丈夫总是精疲力尽地从健身房回家，懒得说话也懒得做爱，这就是个令人担忧的信号。”

如果你的丈夫“精疲力尽地”从健身房画家了，这也可能是因为他运动过量消耗了体力。等等，我们在说什么？他当然是在浴室里“私下亲密”了。这是显然的事情。

信号2：他热爱流行文化，甚至包括《欢乐合唱团》和《黄金女孩》这样的电视节目。

He Has A “Love Of Pop Culture” Including “‘Glee’ And ‘The Golden Girls’

“It’s quite common for young men to enjoy the science fiction end of popular culture, but when your husband becomes overly obsessed with romantic and feminine shows, that is cause for alarm.”

Is your husband a fan of shows that DON’T appear on the Sci Fi or History channel? SOUND THE ALARM.

“一般来说，年轻男人对于流行文化的喜爱最多到达科幻小说为止，但如果你的丈夫为针对女性的浪漫节目着迷，这就是对你的警告。”

你的丈夫对于科幻频道和历史频道之外的电视节目狂热痴迷？敲响警钟吧。

信号3：他经常去大城市或者亚洲旅行。

He “Travels Frequently To Big Cities Or Asia”

“Big cities offer indulgence of every kind. From gay bars and clubs to prostitutes and sex bathhouses, a man seeking encounters can find them easily if he’s so inclined. Is there ever really a good excuse for a husband to visit Thailand or San Francisco without his wife?”

Ladies, if your man’s job takes him to San Fran or Thailand on business, watch out. He’s probably definitely having a gay rendezvous.

“大城市提供每一种放纵的方式。从同性恋酒吧和俱乐部到性交易和公共浴池，一个追寻艳遇的男人很容易获得放纵，只要他想。难道总是有个合适的理由能让一个丈夫不带妻子就去泰国和旧金山玩吗？”

女士们，如果你丈夫的工作总是让他去旧金山或者泰国出差，请小心。他很可能肯定是有个同性恋约会。

信号4：他毫无顾忌，在公众场合裸露胸膛。

He’s “Extroverted About His Bare Chest In Public”

“Does he go shirtless in the back yard or at picnics when other men are around? Does he wear a Speedo at the beach? Does it seem like he’s purposely standing right in the middle of a crowd to show off his chest and arm muscles, peppering people with questions about how strong he looks?”

Standing shirtless in a crowd and ‘peppering’ people? That last example sounds less like the behavior of a homosexual man and more like the actions of a mentally-disturbed vagrant.

“他会在后院或者野餐时当着其他男人的面脱掉衬衫吗？他在沙滩上只穿条泳裤？他是否故意站在人群中炫耀他的胸肌和胳臂上的肌肉，并且不停地问别人他有多强壮？”

在人群中不穿衬衫，并且“不停的问”别人？再也没有比这更像同性恋男人做法的了，当然，更像个精神不正常的无赖。

信号5：他穿太紧和太时髦的衣服。

He Wears “Clothes That Are Too Tight And Too ‘Trendy’”

“Gay men don’t need words to communicate their availability for sex ‘hook ups.’ They silently broadcast the news by showing off their lean, hard bodies in designer clothing labels. If your husband owns skinny jeans and looks at his buttocks in the mirror, it is probably worthwhile to pay more attention to his private activities.”

Wait, so gay men have a secret telepathic connection? Like ESP? Also, it’s 2010. You’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who doesn’t own skinny jeans or check themselves out occasionally.

“同性恋男人不需要语言来表达他们可以随时和别人有一腿。他们通过炫耀自己包裹在名牌服装里的瘦削、僵硬的躯体来表达这一信息。如果你的丈夫有铅笔裤，并且对着镜子欣赏自己的屁股，那么，你应该更加关注他的私生活了。”

等等，这么说同性恋男人之间有一种秘密的精神感应联系？就像超感官知觉那样？还有，记住，现在已经是2010年了。要想找到个没有铅笔裤的男人或者从不审视自己形象的男人，压力好大……

信号6：他和朋友在一起的时候言语无礼，爱挖苦人。

He’s “Sassy, Sarcastic And Ironic Around His Friends”

“A man who is secretly engaged in homosexual activity with others may exhibit feminine qualities when they get together in a group. In a sense, he has “let his hair down” and this will be seen in excessive back talk and speaking with one’s hands.”

We had no idea that ‘excessive back talk’ or ’speaking with one’s hands’ was reason enough to think that someone is secretly gay. Then again, we don’t live in Cazy-town, USA.

“一个秘密参与同性恋行为的男人在团体中可能展现出女性特质。从某种意义上说，他变得娘娘腔了，而这一点可以在过分的顶撞别人和肢体语言过多的行为中表现出来。”

我们完全不知道原来“过分顶撞别人”和“肢体语言过多”就足够证明某个人其实是同性恋了。再说一次，我们可没生活在美国的Cazy-town。【不好意思谁能告诉我Cazy-town到底是什么……我查也查不到问也问不到的 = =】

信号7：看A片的时候对男人比对女人更感兴趣。

“More Interested in the men than the women in pornographic films”

“If you have gone down this road and find that your man perks up at the sight of the men in these sorts of videos, you should be concerned. If he selects films because of specific male actors, this is an obvious sign that he is suffering from a crisis of ego and desire.”

If your man expresses his love for other men while engaging in sexual activities, then yeah – he’s probably into guys in some capacity. But a ‘crisis of ego and desire?’ Nah…

“如果你顺藤摸瓜，发现你丈夫在看A片时看到男人的镜头就兴奋起来，你真该担心了。如果他根据某些特别的男演员选择A片，这是个明显的信号，说明他在自我与欲望的危机中痛苦挣扎。”

如果在你们忙于OX时，你的丈夫表达了自己对于其他男人的爱，那好吧——他很可能在某种程度上对男人感兴趣。但是“自我与欲望的危机”？不……

信号8：他忽然开始酗酒。

He Takes On “Sudden, Heavy Drinking”

“Does your man disappear on drinking binges for long hours without answering his cell phone? Is there a strange odor about him when he returns, some strange mix of cigarettes and gel? Does he cry frequently?”

Yes, because all men who drink, smoke, use gel, or cry are secretly gay.

“你的丈夫是否会消失很久、狂饮一番并且不接手机？当他回来的时候，他身上是否有种奇怪的气味，好像是烟和润肤乳的混合物？他经常哭泣吗？”

没错，因为所有喝酒、抽烟、用润肤乳或者哭泣的男人其实都是同志。

信号9：他对自己的外表和整个家庭都过于挑剔。

He’s “Overly Fastidious About His Appearance And The Home”

“Natural men have a certain amount of grit about them. They sweat and they smell. Homosexuals often abhor this sort of thing and will also be incredibly particular about the cleanliness of the home. Does your man tweeze his eyebrows, trim his pubic hairs or use face moisturizers?”

So “natural” men are all lumberjacks, and if your husband’s face is dry and he uses lotion, he’s gay. That totally makes sense. And if he cleans the house, forget about it! He’s sleeping with another man!

“正常的男人在一定程度上是脏兮兮的。他们浑身汗臭也不以为意。同性恋者却通常憎恶这类东西，并且对于家里的整洁度极其苛刻。你的丈夫用镊子修眉吗？或者，他修剪阴毛、使用面霜？”

这么说，只有伐木工人才算“正常”的男人。并且，如果你的丈夫面部皮肤干燥然后用了润肤露，他就是同性恋。这听上去真是太有道理了。还有，如果他打扫房子，别高兴太早！他一定和另一个男人上过床了！