how to succeed with women-08&09

Fundamental #5: Do Your Niche Work

These two days are about niches. At its best, a niche is an entry point into a community that contains women. It is like a fishing spot--and a good fisherman has at least several fishing spots he can explore. A niche helps you interrupt women--it gives you some mutual ground to stand on, something shared to interact about.

Once you begin having niches, you can really accelerate the other fundamentals you've been practicing. Because you've been using the tracking forms, you know that you are doing the work there is to do, and you have a clear idea about how much of that work you are actually doing (fundamental 1, "Have structures"). Niches also give you places to practice fundamental 2, "Initiate everything/Interrupt women." When you are in environments or communities that contain women, you can practice the "hi" program, and start conversations (we'll tell you how to makes sure she thinks of you as romantic material starting in fundamental 6, "Go after what you want/Show your romantic interest right away"). Niches also give you the opportunity to practice fundamental 3, "Handle rejection," and fundamental 4, "Celebrate your victories," as you'll be interacting with women, some of whom will reject you, and some of whom you will succeed with.

What a niche does:

Remember, a niche does three things:

1. Puts women in front of you. If the yoga class, for instance doesn't have any women in it, or any women you'd be attracted to, it's not a niche for you. You want the yoga class, if there is one, that has at least a few hot women in leotards.
   
   
2. Gives you an excuse to interact with these women. A dance concert is probably not a very good niche, because it doesn't practically force interaction between the people there--you can go to the concert and not interact with any women, and they probably aren't expecting to be approached and spoken to. A dance _class_ however, could be a niche--the other students will have to interact with you during various exercises, and it wouldn't be unexpected if you were to talk with them.
   
   
3. Is an entry point into a community that includes women. The ideal niche is not just a "one-off"--it's a way to get involved with a group of people over time.
   

Examples of Niches:

Here are places that might be potential niches for meeting women:

• Art openings
  
• Fundraising parties and events
  
• Art fairs
  
• Museums
  
• Concerts
  
• Wine tasting parties
  
• Film festivals
  
• Singles parties
  
• Cruises
  
• Church events
  
• Museum singles nights Health places
  
• Yoga classes
  
• The gym
  
• Golf course
  
• Country club
  
• Co-ed sports leagues
  
• Martial art courses Volunteer opportunities
  
• Habitat for Humanity
  
• The singles volunteer network
  
• Political campaigns
  
• The Red Cross
  
• Non-profit community organizations (e.g., hospitals or publicly funded radio stations.)
  
• Literacy programs
  
• PTA's
  
• Artists organizations
  

Places to meet freaky chicks

• Sex clubs
  
• The Society for Creative Anachronisms
  
• Renaissance fairs
  
• Rainbow gatherings
  
• The "Burning Man Festival"
  
• "Channeling" sessions and other way-out new age stuff
  
• Psychic fairs
  
• Sci-fi conventions
  
• Performance art gigs
  
• Weird nightclubs
  
• Nudist clubs, associations, and organizations
  
• An S&M night club
  

Spiritual and personal growth opportunities

• Personal growth seminars (For example: the Forum, MORE University, Miracle of Love, course in miracles)
  
• New Age spiritual communities
  
• Meditation class
  
• Spas
  
• "The Artist's Way" courses
  
• Support groups for any addiction or health problem
  

Opportunities in your daily life

• On the train or bus
  
• Waiting in a line
  
• At a service station
  
• On the train or bus
  
• In Laundromat
  
• At a coffee shop
  

Get your family and friends support

• Set you up with their exes
  
• Set you up with their relatives
  
• Set you up with their co-workers
  
• Set you up with their friends
  
• Set you up on blind dates
  
• Help you create a singles party at your home
  

Places to find smart chicks

• Libraries
  
• Book discussions/ book groups
  
• Historical society presentations
  
• Political debates
  
• Book conventions
  
• MENSA meetings
  

Places to meet party girls

• Sleazy bars
  
• Punk rock concerts
  
• Raves
  
• Outdoor music events
  
• Pot rallys
  
• Heroin needle exchange programs
  

Clubs to check out

• Film discussion groups
  
• Book clubs and salons
  
• Dance
  
• Outdoor adventure clubs
  
• Singles travel clubs
  

To find your niches, you'll need to make a habit of getting whatever weekly paper in your area has a social calendar, and looking it over for events you could go to that meet at least two of the three criteria for a niche. Then put them into your datebook.

Remember, the hardest moment of niche work is getting off the couch and actually going to check out the niche. This is the only moment you need to think about after you've decided what niches to explore.

When the time comes, GET OFF THE COUCH and go to your niches!

How to find a niche:

• Look in your local weekly and/or daily paper for events that might lead to niches. Look for both "one-off's"--events that probably wouldn't connect you with a group over time--and events that might be an entrée into repeated interactions with a community of people.
  
  
• Make a preliminary list of possible places that might be niches for you. List communities you could explore, people who might help you, events you might go to, and anything else you can think of.
  

Questions to answer for finding niches:

• What are niches from the newspaper that you might want to check out?
  
  
• Start by looking in your life at your interests and hobbies and think about places and groups you could get involved in. What are you interested in?
  
  
• What business, sports, wine tasting, theater, or political activities could you get involved in?
  
  
• What are you social networks?
  
  
• What groups are you are involved with, even in a peripheral way?
  
  
• What possible social contacts are you not exploring fully?
  
  
• What niches are in your life already that you are not exploring fully?
  
  
• In your life, what are some health-oriented places that might be possible niches?
  
  
• In your life, what are some volunteer opportunities that might be niches?
  
  
• In your life, what are some spiritual, new age, or religious opportunities that might be niches?
  
  
• In your life, what are some personal growth or self-improvement opportunities that might be niches?
  
  
• What are some opportunities or places you routinely go in your life that might be niches?
  
  
• What support could you ask of family and friends for finding niches? What could they introduce you to?
  
  
• What might be some clubs, bars, classes or "dance nights" that could conceivably become niches?
  

Condense the above list to a list of niches you might want to start pursuing, and create a plan for how you could start pursuing

Make a list of all potential social groups, organizations, and social networks you are part of. Come up with a plan for how you can get involved in these groups.

Write down activities you want to pursue based on what we've talked about on this CD. How could you start pursing each one?

Start making weekly and monthly commitments in your calendar. Actually write into your calendar what you are planning on doing--schedule it in like a real appointment.