How To Initiate Conversation

How To Initiate Conversation

The hardest part of socializing, for many people, is initiatingconversation. However, it is a big mistake to go about life not makingthe first move and waiting for someone else to do it [in conversationor anything].
This isn’t to say you must always be the first in everything orspark up conversations with everyone you see. What should be said,though, is once you get good at starting conversations, a lot of otherthings will progress in the way you want; such as networking and yourlove life.
The Benefits
First thing is you should acknowledge why it is a good thing to beable to initiate conversations with strangers or people who you don’tknow well.
1. You’re not a loner with nothing to do.
2. You look more approachable if you are comfortable approaching others.
3. Meeting new people means developing a network of friends or peers which leads to more knowledge and experiences.
You can only learn so much alone, and I’m sure you’re aware of thebenefits of learning from others. Being able to distinguish the ‘goodfrom bad’ amongst a group of people will help in building a suitablenetwork, or making a fun night.
Good Vs Bad
All people are good in their own way. Being able to have a good timewith anybody is a worthy trait and something to discuss another time.However, if you have a specific purpose while in social situations youmay want to stick with people who are suitable.
This means distinguishing between people who might suit you and your‘purpose’ from those who probably won’t. This can require somepeople-judging, which I am generally very opposed to. However, thisdoes make approaching people all the more easier.
It helps to motivate the conversation if you really want to knowthis person. Also, you’ll find your circle of friends and peers growsto something you really like and enjoy.
The Rules
I don’t have many rules in this life, for conversation or anything;but when it comes to approaching strangers, there are a few I’d likeused.
1. Be polite. Within context, don’t be a creepy, arrogant loudmouthor anything. Acknowledge that you are in the company of strangers anddon’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. First impressions mean something.
2. Keep it light. Don’t launch into a heartfelt rant or a story of tragedy. We’re out to have fun.
3. Don’t be a prude. This just means relax. This isn’t a science and conversation isn’t a fine art. Talk to people like you’re already friends.
4. Be honest. Be yourself. People can tell.
Who To Talk To?
I’m of the ilk that likes to talk to everyone and anyone. Everyonehas a story and good personalities. Some are harder to get to thanothers, but if you’re on a people-finding excursion, like I usually am,then everyone is pretty much fair game.
That said, if you’re out at a function and you want to build anetwork of people in your niche, you will want to distinguish thosepeople from the others. Find the ‘leaders’ in a group of people or askaround for what you’re looking for.
In a more general environment, like at a bar, you will want to dothe same sort of thing. Acknowledge what you actually want and try todistinguish suitable people. Once you find someone, or a group ofpeople, that you want to meet and talk to, hop to it.
Think of a few things you might have in common. What did you notice about their dress sense?
Confidence
The most important part of initiating conversation is, arguably,having confidence. It should be obvious that without any amount ofself-esteem you will struggle. Having confidence in yourself and whoyou are makes this job very easy.
If you find yourself doubting your worth, or how interesting you are, make a few mental notes of why you are interesting and worth talking to. There is no question you are. You just have to realize that.
What do I do? What is interesting about it? What are my strongpoints and what are my weak ones? Confident people succeed because theyplay on their strengths.
Across The Room Rapport
This is rapport building without talking. It’s as simple asreciprocated eye contact and smiles etc. Acknowledging someone else’spresence before approaching them goes a long way to makingintroductions easier. You are instantly no longer just a random person.
As discussed in last week’sHow Not To Suck At Socializingarticle, there are things you can do to make yourself appearapproachable. This doesn’t necessarily mean people are going to flockto you. You’ll still probably need to initiate conversations.
People notice other people who are having a blast. If you’re thatperson, someone will acknowledge it and will make the ‘across the roomrapport’ building a breeze. If you’re that person that is getting alonggreat with their present company, others will want to talk to you. Thiswill make your approach more comfortable for both parties.
The Approach
When it comes to being social, the less analytical and formulaic youare the better. Try not to map out your every move and plan too much.Although we are talking about how to initiate conversation, these arereally only tips. When it comes to the approach, though, there are somethings you should keep in mind.
Different situations call for different approaches. Formalsituations call for something more formal and relaxed ones should berelaxed.
At a work function, for instance, be a little formal and introduceyourself. People will want to know who you are and what you do rightaway. This isn’t to say you should only talk about work, but anintroduction and handshake is appropriate.
If you’re at a bar then things are very different and you should bemuch more open to unstructured introductions. Personally, I don’t likethe idea of walking directly to someone to talk to them. It’s toodirect. I like the sense of randomness that comes with meeting newpeople.
However, if there is rapport already established, go for it. If not,take a wander, buy a drink and be aware of where people are. If thereis someone you would like to talk to, make yourself available and notsit all night etc.
When someone is alone and looks bored, do them a favor and approachthem. No matter how bad the conversation might get, they should atleast appreciate the company and friendliness.
Briefly, Approaching Groups
When integrating with an established group conversation there isreally one thing to know. That is to establish the ‘leader’ andintroduce yourself to them. I mentioned that before, but here is howand why.
The Why is the leader of a group conversation is probably the moresocial and outgoing. They will more readily accept your introductionand then introduce you to the rest of the group. This hierarchy in agroup conversation is much more prevalent in formal situations whereone person is leading the conversation.
A group of friends out for the night is much more difficult tocrack. This may even be another topic for discussion, but one thing Iknow that works is initiating conversation with a ’stray’. It soundspredatorial, but it works.
More often than not this occurs without intention, but if you doreally want to get into a group of friends, your best bet isapproaching one of them while they are away from the group and beinginvited into the group.
It is possible, like everything, to approach a group outright andjoin them. However, this is almost an art and requires another specificpost.

Topics Of Conversation
Other than confidence, the next thing people who have troubleinitiating conversations lack is conversation! So here are a few tipsto get the ball rolling.
1. Small talk sucks. It’s boring and a lot of people already beginto zone out when questions like, “What do you do?” or “What’s with thisweather?” come up. Just skip it.
2. Everything is fair game. If you are in the company of someoneand a thought strikes you, share it. “This drink is garbage! What areyou drinking?” “Where did you get that outfit?”
3. Opinions matter. This is any easy way to hit the ground runningin conversation. Everyone has one, and when you share yours, anotherwill reveal itself. The great thing about this line of thought is thatyou are instantly learning about the other person and what they like,dislike etc.
4. Environment. The place you’re in is full of things to comment on. The DJ, band, fashions; start talking about what you see.
5. Current Events. Unless it’s something accessible orlight-hearted, forget it. Don’t launch into your opinion on the war. Ifyour city has recently put a ban on smoking inside venues, like minehas, ask what they think about it.
6. Speaking of smoking. If you are a smoker in such a city, you arein luck. Although there is the inconvenience of being ostracizedoutside to smoke, you are instantly thrust into a group of like-mindedpeople. Consider this possibly the easiest forum for flirtation and newconversation.
Exiting Conversation
Although I’d like to write a full post on exiting strategies for conversations you don’t want to be in, here are some tips.
The first thing is don’t stay in a conversation you’re notinterested in. It’ll show and will be no fun for anyone. Be polite andexcuse yourself. You’re probably out with friends, go back to them. Buya drink. Most people will probably want to finish the conversation asmuch as you.
Likewise, you could start another conversation.