【转载】女人的101种用途

101 uses for a woman：英文原文出处
中文翻译源自：http://bit.ly/19xOQ

Update：根据网友taleending和yidao的意见，对译文进行了订正：

1 Finding at least one thing about your appearance worth complimenting (“I’ve always loved your ... earlobes”).

1 至少找出一处你外形上的优点（“我总是喜欢你的……耳垂”）。

2 Finding at least one thing about your new haircut worth criticising.

2 至少找出一处你新发型的不足。

3 Lending you (often without knowing it) moisturiser.

3 借你保湿霜（通常是不知不觉的）。

4 Keeping Darfur on the agenda by being interested in what George Clooney is up to.

4 因为热衷于乔治-克鲁尼将干去什么而把达富尔（对中国人来说算是个熟悉的地方）记录到日程安排上。

5 Employing, through her retail habits, tens of thousands of children in the developing world.

5 她零售购物的习惯雇佣发展中国家成千上万的童工。

6 Leaving lots of little bits of ground apricot kernel in the bath after her weekly exfoliation.

6 每周去角质后，在浴室里留下很多皮质碎屑。

7 Never being too embarrassed to dance with you, despite your two left feet.

7即使你笨拙得好像长了两只左脚，也不会为和你共舞感到过于尴尬。

8 Compensating for your lack of colour co-ordination (they know the colours that go — and the ones that don’t).

8 补偿你色彩协调能力的缺乏（她们知道哪些颜色来的搭配——还有哪些不大搭配）。

9 Answering all the boy-band questions in the pub pop quiz.

9 在酒吧突击问答游戏中回答所有你兄弟们的问题。

10 Remembering the birthdays of friends, family and long-forgotten godchildren.

10记住朋友，家人以及忘记很久了的教子们的生日。

11 Having a unique method of navigation (“No, the other left”).

11 有独一无二的领航方式（“不，另外一个左转”）。

12 Fishing, outrageously, for compliments.

12 疯狂地寻求赞美。

13 Reminding you about Mother’s Day. Twice.

13 提醒你母亲节。两次。

14 Saying that you’re not romantic enough and then complaining about your choice of restaurant.

14 批评你不够浪漫，然后抱怨你选择的餐厅。

15 Looking great in a little black dress. Every woman has her inner Audrey Hepburn.

15 穿着小号黑色晚礼服时候看上去很不错。每个女人都有她内在的奥黛丽赫本。

16 Being paranoid about running out of petrol (you know the car will do 50 miles after the warning light comes on, but would it hurt to fill up now?).

16 总是担心跑完汽油（大家都知道汽车当警告灯亮起后还跑50英里，有必要马上加油吗？）。

17 Restacking the dishwasher after you’ve done it.

17 在你洗完后又在洗碗机里堆满碗。

18 Gaydar (“My best friend from uni, are you sure?”).

18 同志探测器（“他可是我大学里最好的哥们，你确定一定以及肯定？”）

19 Writing thank-you notes after Christmas.

19 在圣诞节后写答谢贺卡。

20 Saving the planet, one toilet-roll tube at a time.

20 拯救地球，每次限于重利用一个厕纸卷筒。

21 Making summer in the city endlessly diverting.

21 让城里的夏天充满乐子。（指城里度夏一般比较闷。人们喜欢利用孩子的暑假计划一些出城的活动。女人呆在城里度夏也闲不下来。）。

22 Spotting lipstick on your collar.

22 在你的领子上留下唇印。

23 Finding something to like about your football team, even if it is only that Cesc Fàbregas “has a nice smile”.

23 找到喜欢你足球队的理由，即使仅仅是因为法布雷加斯“有迷人的微笑”。

24 Moaning that you never cook dinner, and then getting all control freakish when you try to take over the kitchen.

24 抱怨你从来不做饭，然后当你试图接管厨房的时候变得歇斯底里。

25 Being the Queen.

25 像女王那样。

26 Asking questions to which there is no winning answer.

26 问些永远没有正确回答的问题。（老妈和老婆掉水里……）

27 Wearing the lingerie that you bought her on Valentine’s Day at least once.

27 至少一次在情人节穿你买个她的内衣。

28 Saving Hugh Grant and Colin Firth from being unemployed.

28 使得休格-兰特和科林-菲尔斯免于失业（两个帅哥）。

29 Making divorce lawyers rich.

29 使离婚律师致富。

30 Monitoring your breath (they can detect garlic-bread consumption at ten paces).

30 闻你的口气（她们可以在10步远的地方判断你是否吃了大蒜面包）。

31 Wearing your pyjamas.

31 穿你的睡衣。

32 Getting the kids to school on time ... with their homework, dinner money, PE kit and the signed letter allowing them to go on the school trip on Friday.

32 让孩子们按时上学……带着他们的家庭作业，午餐钱，体育装备，还有周五时签名同意孩子们参加学校旅行的信。

33 Cajoling you into turning up on parents’ evening.

33 哄骗你出席家长会。

34 Randomising your CD collection by putting the wrong artists in the wrong cases.

34 弄乱你的CD收藏，把光盘放错盒子。

35 Being able to say something nice about your mum’s clothes, hair, garden or cooking no matter how tense things got last Christmas.

35 无论上个圣诞节关系多么紧张都能够赞美你妈妈的衣服，头发，花园或厨艺。

36 Giving builders something to whistle at.

36 给建筑工人吹口哨的对象。

37 Giving Italians something to pinch.

37 给意大利人偷东西的对象。

38 Hearing your sotto voce cursing from three rooms away.

38 即使隔了3个房间也能听到你的嘀咕。

39 Coming over all Florence Nightingale, when you both know it’s just a cold.

39 胜过护士之神南丁格尔女士，即使你们俩都知道这不过是场感冒。

40 Making the prospect of moving into a studio flat and losing half your income seem desirable.

40 使得失去你一半的收入搬进公寓楼的做法似乎是可以理解的。

41 Showing you no sympathy for your hangover (maybe you’ll think twice before ordering Jägermeister chasers next time).

41 不对你醉酒表示任何同情（也许你会在下次订购野格酒的时候会多考虑一下）。

42 Being able to have a 15-minute phone conversation when a five-minute one will do.

42 即使5分钟就能搞定的电话也能说上15分钟（完全低估她们的能力）。

43 Knowing when the sheets need changing.

43 知道什么时候应该更换床单。

44 Enthusiastically dancing with children and old people at weddings so that you can concentrate on propping up the bar and making salacious comments about the bridesmaids.

44 在别人的婚礼上热情地跟小孩和老人跳舞，让你可以呆在吧台边（跟别的男人）色迷迷地调侃伴娘。

45 Buying that really nice-smelling shampoo.

45 买那些仅仅闻起来不错的洗发水。

46 Communicating with animals, plants and babies.

46 试图和动物，植物还有婴儿交流。

47 Staying awake all night worrying about when your teenage children will come home.

47 担心你们的小孩什么时候回家而整夜不眠。

48 Not making fun of you for falling asleep during Match of the Day.

48 不会因为你在看足球节目的时候睡着而取笑你。

49 Fixing your bow tie.

49 纠正你领结的错误。

50 Buying you new pants and socks.

50 为你买新裤子和袜子。

51 Choosing your aftershave (you thought Lynx was OK?).

51 选择你的须后水（你认为Lynx可以吧？）（有人连老爸的都管）。

52 Preventing you from becoming a sports bore by filling up the diary to coincide with all major sporting events.

52 安排日程时总在重要赛事的时间段内排满其它活动，以防你（因为比赛看得太多）对运动的兴趣减弱。

53 Criticising you for never tidying up, but using the bed as a table on which to store assorted underwear and hosiery, and filling the car with bits of make-up.

53 批评你缺乏整洁，却把床扔满了内衣和袜子，在车里塞满了小玩意。

54 Encouraging you to get in touch with your sensitive side.

54 鼓励你表现出你感性的一面。

55 Singing the soprano aria Vissi d’Arte from Puccini’s Tosca.

55 唱Puccini’s Tosca的女高音咏叹曲Vissi d’Arte。

56 Making you fashionably late by coming downstairs in a dress, going back up, changing, and coming back down again in a remarkably similar dress. Then asking you if you preferred the first one.

56 通过穿着一件衣服下楼，回上去，接着穿着一件非常类似的衣服回来，然后问你是不是更喜欢第一个，以此来使你了解最新的时尚。

57 Encouraging your kids’ artistic talents, despite all the mess that they’ll make with the glue, paint and egg boxes.

57 鼓励你们孩子发展艺术天赋，即使他们会把胶水，油漆和鸡蛋盒搞得一团糟。

58 Breastfeeding.

58 喂奶。

59 Having a strong opinion on the seating plan, flowers and colour of the bridesmaids’ dresses at your wedding.

59 在婚礼的座位安排，鲜花和伴娘礼服颜色等方面总是坚持自己的意见。

60 Remembering all those little details about your children that alcohol, stress and old age have wiped from your memory.

60 在酒精，压力和年龄已经抹去你的记忆的时候总是记得关于孩子的小细节。

61 Preventing the early onset of Alzheimer’s by making you guess which tiny, imperceptible slight she is cross with you about today.

61 通过让你猜测是哪件微不足道的小事使她早上对你发脾气来防止早发性老年痴呆。

62 Being more embarrassing than you are when drunk.

62 喝醉的时候比你更丢脸。

63 Solving the recession by buying “investment” fashion items.

63 通过“投资”时尚产品来解决经济衰退（奥巴马笑了）。

64 Reminding you that the mightiest power on the planet is not Russia, or Iran, or the British Army, but a humble sex hormone called oestrogen.

64 提醒你这个星球上最强大的力量不是俄罗斯，或伊朗，或英国军队，而是一种叫雌性激素的荷尔蒙。

65 Breaking biscuits in half before eating them.

65 在吃饼干前掰成两半。

66 Breaking your heart.

66 打碎你的心。

67 And then sleeping with your best friend.

67 接着和你最好的朋友睡觉。

68 Reminding you of the nutritional benefits of broccoli and half a grapefruit — and that Kettle Chips, cheese and chocolate biscuits are the reason that you’re a stone heavier than you were three years ago . . .

68 提醒你花椰菜和半个柚子的营养——而炸薯条，奶酪和巧克力饼干是你是你比三年前重了15磅的原因……

69 . . .And then eating two Mini Magnums during Newsnight.

69 ……然后在晚间新闻的时候吃上两只梦龙棒冰（第一次知道原来梦龙是外国品牌）。

70 Letting you be the knight in shining armour when she didn’t really need rescuing.

70 让你成为穿着闪亮盔甲的骑士，即使当时她并不是真正需要帮助。

71 Knowing everything about your kids’ education when you struggle to remember which class they are in at school (“Is it 9, er, K?”).

71 当你需要挣扎地回忆起你们孩子是在哪个班是时候了解任何关于他们的教育问题（"是9班还是K班?"）。

72 Being an expert in internet shopping, yet incapable of replacing the printer cartridge.

72 网络购物的专家，却不会换打印机的墨盒。

73 Proving that the application of logic, contrary to the views of most philosophers, is not a necessary prerequisite for winning an argument.

73 证明逻辑应用，多数哲学家的相反意见不是赢得争吵的必要前提。

74 Providing the essential sports equipment for Finland’s annual wife-carrying competition (where the winner receives his wife’s weight in beer).

74 提供芬兰年度背妻子比赛中必要的运动器械（而冠军将得到与妻子体重相等的啤酒）。

75 Pretending that she’s grateful after you’ve spent all Sunday tidying the shed.

75 当你花了整个周日整理车库后假惺惺的向你表达感激。

76 Indulging you when you describe how the goal you scored on Sunday was up there with the one that Ricky Villa scored against Manchester City in the 1981 FA Cup final.

76 当你炫耀你在周日的进球的得分和里基-维拉在1981足总杯决赛中对阵曼城时的得分是一样的时候奉承你。

77 Diagnosing your child’s latest development problem.

77 诊断你们孩子最近出现问题。

78 Moaning about how all the school shirts she ironed are now scrunched up at the bottom of your son’s wardrobe.

78 抱怨所有她熨烫完的校服都被揉皱扔在你们儿子衣橱的底部。

79 Tidying away important documents into the recycling bin.

79 把重要文档整理到回收站。

80 Giving away your most unfashionable clothes to charity (without you realising).

80 把你大部分过时衣服捐给慈善机构（不经过你的同意）。

81 Obsessing about your ex-girlfriends enough to make you feel like a lothario.

81 纠缠于你的前女友，让你感觉自己像个浪子。

82 Loving you enough to lie about how many men she has slept with.

82 因为是那么喜欢你而向你隐瞒她和多少男人睡过。

83 Giving you the biggest half of whatever it is that you’re sharing.

83 不管你们分享什么总是给你最大的一半。

84 Checking any handwashed dishes for “missed bits”.

84 检查任何手洗的盘子，告诉你“漏掉一点”。

85 Justifying the premium that you paid to protect your no-claims bonus.

85 证明你为保护你们不受伤害所支付的额外费用是值得的。

86 Sharing your most intimate secrets with her friends.

86 和她的朋友分享你最私人的秘密（friends里瑞秋和菲比讲罗斯的性幻想对象）。

87 Spending enough on her highlights to make you feel OK about buying yourself a new iPhone, Sky subscription or Premier League season ticket.

87 花费太多在她喜欢的东西上，以至于使你觉得买个新的iphone，订阅天空杂志或是英超联赛季票都不是过分的事。

88 Asking, “Does this taste funny to you?”.

88 喜欢质问：“这个对你来说很有趣吗？”

89 Covering beds in enough pillows to suffocate an entire old people’s home.

89 在床上放满枕头，多得都能把老人窒息。

90 Spitting in a handkerchief and then rubbing it on your face because you’re grubby.

90 在手绢上吐上唾沫来擦你的脸，因为你是肮脏的。

91 Asking who left the toilet lid up.

91 追问是谁忘了盖马桶盖。

92 Spending so long in the shower that the drain overfills and floods next-door’s garden.

92 花很长的时间洗澡，以至于排水沟满出来淹到了邻居的花园。

93 Salvaging the dinner you’ve totally messed up.

93 挽救你搞得一塌糊涂的晚餐。

94 Looking worse than you with a moustache.

94 长胡子的话比你还难看。

95 Borrowing your favourite jumper and making it smell like a girl.

95 问你借最喜欢的背心，并把它搞得闻起来像个女孩的。

96 Losing the plot in films.

96 看电影的时候忘记情节。

97 Going through the other DIY jobs that need doing while you balance on a ladder trying to fix something else.

97 当你努力保持平衡在梯子上修一些东西的时候去做其他的DIY活。

98 Buying things and hiding them at the back of the wardrobe.

98 购物，然后把它们藏到衣橱深处。

99 Calling you just after you’ve pulled out of the car park to let you know about that other essential item that she wanted you to get.

99 在你已经把车开出停车场的时候打电话给你，告诉你她希望你去买其他一些必需品。

100 Giving you a very good reason for being late for work.

100 为你的工作迟到提供最佳借口。

101 Propagating the human race.

101 延续人种。