译言网 | 5个来自世界各地的疯狂婚俗

A marriage can be a wonderful and joyous occasion full of happiness, laughter and unicorn farts for two very lucky people. In other cases, it can be an exercise in full-blown insanity, as evidenced by these bizarre marriage traditions from every corner of the globe.　　婚礼对两个非常幸运的人而言，是一个充满着快乐、欢笑和好运的美好幸福场合。在其它情况下，婚礼却可以是一个极其荒唐的仪式，这些来自世界各个角落的稀奇古怪的婚俗可以证明这一点。
5.Bride Kidnappings5. 绑架新娘
Practiced in: The Roma communities (all over the world)习俗地：罗马尼族群（世界各地）
Most unions can trace their beginnings to that one special night at a frat kegger when the couple first met their gaze in a crowded room and forever cemented their fate by a quicky in the backseat and a broken condom. Some cultures however decided to skip all this romantic crap and go from the “total strangers” phase straight to marriage in one messed-up leap of criminal activity: kidnapping the bride.　　对于大多数新人，爱的开始可以追溯到大学联谊会的一个特别的夜晚，这一对儿在那拥挤的房间里第一次双目凝视，然后靠着后座上的一次激情和一个破了的避孕套——永定终生。然而，有些文化风俗决定跳过所有这些浪漫的狗屁玩意，通过犯罪行为——绑架新娘来完成从“素不相识”直接胡乱跳到结婚这一步。
bride kidnappings  The Romani, also known as Gypsies, for centuries have had this tradition, that if you manage to forcefully kidnap a girl and keep her by your side for 2-3 days, she officially becomes your wife. Long ago this probably made a lot sense, as it helped you avoid buying the bride off the parents or having Thanksgiving dinner with them every year. But even in this day and age it’s not viewed as anything strange in the Roma culture, and many women simply go with the fact that the overweight guy, who cornered them with a bottle of chloroform at a McDonald’s lady’s bathroom, is now the love of their life.　　罗马尼人，也被称为吉普赛人，几个世纪以来有这样的传统：如果你能设法强行绑架一个姑娘，并且让她在你身边待上两到三天，她就正式成为你的妻子。这在很久以前可能很有道理，因为这让你不用付给新娘父母礼金，也用不着每年陪他们在感恩节共进晚餐了。但是即使是在今天这个时代，在罗马尼文化中这种现象依然是见怪不怪，许多妇女都有这样的事儿：那个曾在麦当劳厕所用一瓶氯仿（可致人昏迷）胁迫她们的大胖子，现在却是她们生活中的爱人。
Some of you are probably wondering, how in the f**k is this legal? Well, it’s a cultural practice of a large ethnic minority and most governments would rather start flossing with razor wire than to commit the PR equivalent of suicide by banning a minority tradition.　　你们当中有些人可能在想，他妈的这也是合法的吗？嗯，这是一个大的少数民族的文化习俗，并且大多数政府宁愿用铁丝网来隔离，也不愿禁止一个少数民族的传统——那等于是让政府的公众关系自寻死路。

4.Marrying animals to exorcise ghosts4. 嫁给动物驱魔
Practiced in: some regions of India习俗地：印度一些地区
The Western culture is no stranger to superstition, especially during a wedding. Most brides would sooner set fire to the church and postpone the ceremony than to get married without something old, new, borrowed and blue. And don’t even think about trying to catch a glimpse of your wife-to-be before the nuptials or that’s 3 stitches to the temple right there on the spot.　　在西方文化中，迷信并不少见，特别是在婚礼中。没有穿戴旧的、新的、借的、蓝色的四样东西，大多数新娘宁愿马上放火烧掉教堂、推迟婚期也不愿意结婚。甚至别想在婚礼前瞅你未婚妻一眼，哪怕当时就离教堂三步路远。
But the Santhal tribe in India decided to one-up us all and cranked the wedding-crazy dial all the way up to 11. They believe that if a baby girl has a tooth rooted to her upper gum, it’s the obvious sign she will be eaten by a tiger or something in the near future, because ghosts hate her. Therefore, she must marry a dog. Such was the story of Karnamoni Handsa, a 9-year-old Indian girl who “married” the local stray Bacchan amidst the dancing and cheers of her 100 guests getting shitfaced on home-made booze. Huh… Somehow the presence of moonshine in a cross-species wedding is not surprising in the least…　　但是印度的桑塔尔部落决定比我们所有人更胜一筹，极尽其能地把婚礼的疯狂达到了极致。他们相信如果一个女婴在上牙床上有颗牙齿的话，那就意味着她将在不久之后会被老虎或者别的什么吃掉，因为魔鬼憎恨她。所以，她必须要嫁给一只狗。这就是9岁的印度女孩Karnamoni Handsa 经历的事情：她“嫁”给了本地的一只流浪的班察狗，那些被家酿酒灌的醉醺醺的100位宾客围着它手舞足蹈、欢呼雀跃。嗯......不管怎样，至少在跨物种的婚礼上，月光还不算奇怪......
The good news is, this is nothing but a mock ceremony and the couple don’t have to consummate the wedding. It’s just to ward off the evil spirits so the girl can marry a real boy some time later. Thank God, otherwise this exorcism ritual between a child and a canine would have been really weird.　　好消息是，这不过是一个假的婚礼，这一对儿并不需要圆房。它只是为了驱邪，因此女孩以后可以嫁给一个真正的男孩。谢天谢地，否则这场小孩和狗之间的驱魔仪式真是不可思议。

marying animals  3. Blackening of the bride3. 涂黑新娘
Practiced in: Scotland习俗地：苏格兰
In many ways the Scottish people are just like your typical Europeans but with a few notable quirks: they eat sheep entrails, wear male-skirts and instead of rice, they throw stinking crud like eggs and sauces on their brides.　　苏格兰人在很多方面就像是典型的欧洲人，但却有一些明显的怪癖：他们吃羊的内脏，穿男性裙子，他们向新娘扔鸡蛋和酱料这些臭哄哄的脏东西而不是大米。
blackening of the bride    This custom is called the “blackening of the bride”, a very old Scottish tradition; some say even older than Sean Connery himself. It’s part of a hazing ritual that actually happens before the wedding. The bride is taken by surprise, by hands down the crummiest friends you could have, and covered from head to toe with all kinds of crap. It can be anything: spoiled milk from the back of your fridge right down to tar and feathers. It serves 2 possible purposes. Either it gets the men in the proper mood, (assuming all Scots have a fetish of homeless chicks who never bathe), or it helps the women deal with the prospect of marriage, because nothing that will happen to them from that point on will be as cruel or humiliating as the blackening.　　这种习俗被叫做“涂黑新娘”，是一个非常古老的苏格兰传统，有人说甚至比肖恩.康纳利（译者：老牌007那位？）他自己还要古老。这是在结婚前发生的一出恶作剧的一部分。新娘措手不及地被最糟糕的朋友下手，从头到脚沾满了各种各样的脏东西。它可以是任何玩意儿：从你冰箱后面那些变质的牛奶到沥青和羽毛。这可能有两个目的：要么是让男人心存敬意（想想看所有苏格兰人都把从不洗澡、无家可归的小鸡奉为神明），要么是为了能让女人过好未来的婚姻生活，因为从那之后发生的事情没有什么会比“涂黑”还要残忍或让人屈辱的了。
It’s sort of like punching your bride right before saying “I do”. No amount of douchebaggery you pull off later in life will ever amount to that, so your lady will at least not be disappointed or, at best, pleasantly surprised. Man, the Scots have this marriage thing figured out.　　这有点儿像在你说“我愿意”之前把你的新娘打一顿。你在日后生活中实施的暴力绝不会比这还多吧，这样你的老婆将至少不会失望，或者至多是惊喜。人，苏格兰人把结婚这件事琢磨透了。
blacken the bride    2. Fat Farms2. 增肥村
Practiced in: Mauritania (Africa)习俗地：毛里塔尼亚（非洲）
There are different standards of beauty in every part of the world. For example, despite the majority of Western brides stopping short of having their kidneys removed to lose weight before the big day, some cultures actually find huskier women more attractive…. and are prepared to go to disturbing lengths to put more junk in their women’s trunks. Enter the Mauritanian Fat Farms.　　在世界各地，美女的标准各不相同。比如，当大多数西方新娘在大婚之前恨不能切除肾脏来减轻体重的时候，一些文化风俗中却觉得“强壮些”的女人更具魅力......并准备无所不用其极地在他们女人身上塞上更多填充物。进入毛里塔尼亚的增肥村吧。

fat farms  Fat Farms are sort of the opposite of Fat Camps – a place where brides as young as five are sent to gain weight under the watchful eyes of wrinkled old crones, in order to become more attractive and get married as soon as possible. In the practice known as Leblouh, the girls are force fed a truckload of food—which might include more than 4 pounds of millet and 5 gallons of camel milk a day—and if they vomit, the supervising hags force them to eat it up. Failure to comply is reportedly often met with torture. So OK, maybe those places are not that different from Fat Camps.　　增肥村是一种和减肥夏令营相反的地方。五岁大的新娘们被送到那里增肥，满脸皱纹的老太婆们严密监管着她们，为的是让她们变得更有魅力，尽快结婚。在这个叫做Leblouh的风俗中，女孩们被强迫吃一大堆食物——每天可能包括3.6斤的小米和22.7升的骆驼奶，如果她们呕吐的话，那些监管的老巫婆们会强迫她们吃下去。据说吃不完的话常常会遭受酷刑。所以，好了，也许那些地方与减肥夏令营也没什么不同。
The sad part is, this practice has virtually disappeared until a couple of years ago when a military junta took over the country and reinstated it, probably hoping that fatter women will be easier to catch or something. Not like anyone would sleep with them otherwise, being a bunch of civilian-terrorizing assholes with grenade launchers.　　悲哀的是，这种风俗本来实际上已经消失了，但就在几年前一个军政府接管了该国，然后恢复了这一风俗，可能是希望胖女人更容易被抓住或者别的原因。不像和她们睡觉的那些人，他们是一群拿着榴弹发射器的民间恐怖主义王八蛋！
fat woman
1. No shitting1. 禁止大小便
Practiced in: parts of Malaysia习俗地：马来西亚部分地区
There is nothing more beautiful than a wedding. It is after all the couple’s first day as two happily married people, surrounded by friends, flowers and fancy foods. But for the tribes of the Tidong community in northern Borneo, a wedding is the first day of a grueling journey to the deepest levels of Hell and back. It’s the day when the couple must stop pooping for 72 hours.　　没有什么比婚礼更美的了。这毕竟是两个幸福结合的人儿的第一天，到处都是朋友、鲜花和可口的食物。但是对于在（马来西亚）婆罗洲北部泰东族群的一些部落而言，婚礼是往返地狱最深处的一次痛苦旅程的第一天。从这一天开始，夫妻俩72小时内不得排便。
The Tidong tradition dictates that a newly married couple be confined to their house and not empty their bowels or urinate under any possible circumstances for the entirety of 3 nights and 3 days. That’s why they are often carefully watched over by family members and given very little food or water. The Tidong people believe that if the couple makes it, they will lead a happy and long life with lots of non-dead children, so the stakes are pretty high here.　　这个Tidong的传统规定：新婚的夫妇不得出户，并且在整个三天三夜里任何情况下都不得大小便。这就是为什么他们常常被家里人看着，并且只给些很少的食物和水。Tidong 人认为，如果这对夫妻按要求做到了，他们将过上幸福长久的生活，还会有很多长大成人的孩子呢，所以回报是相当高的。
When you think about it, there is a spark of genius in this practice. Nothing binds 2 people for life like going through difficult times together, and there is nothing more difficult than being denied to go to the bathroom for nearly half a week. When the 3 days are up, these people will be closer to each other than ever before, because they will no longer be just husband and wife… They will be poop buddies.　　想想看吧，这个习俗真是闪现着天才的火花呀。绝没有像这样的生活把两个人绑在一起去共同渡过难关的，也没有什么比将近半个星期不准上厕所更艰难的了吧。当三天过去的时候，他们将比以往任何时候更加亲密，因为他们将不再只是丈夫和妻子......他们将是拉屎的伙伴@_@。
no shitting
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