西方人的追思会

http://yangsiqing.blog.sohu.com/113699371.html

西方人举办的memorial ceremony，翻译过来类似于我们东方人举办的追思会，老外常会把类似的活动称为Celebration of Life，也就是逝者的人生庆典。

同是追念逝者，东西方人选择的纪念方式可能会大相径庭，这应该是文化差异所致。东方的追思会，大多气氛凝重压抑，毕竟是至深至爱的人离去，大家很难轻松的起来。而老外举办的Celebration of Life形式可就多了，纪念的模式大多与逝者的个性有关，比如逝者生前爱热闹，追思会就很可能是个热闹非凡的派对；逝者生前偏爱时尚和艺术，参加追念会的人们可能不会清一色着黑色服装，反而选择颜色鲜亮惹眼的装束出场，在轻松和温暖的气氛下，怀念故人的生活点滴……这样的方式在东方人看来或许有违情理，但实际上，形式不同，对逝者深深的怀念却是相同的。

Qing Ming Festival, which is also called Tomb Sweeping Day, means clear and bright in Chinese, falls on April 4th this year. It is both the fifth term in the traditional lunar calendar and a festival to hold memorial ceremony for the dead.  

I guess today’s topic is a little bit sad because we’re gonna look at how western people honor the person who has died and provide tremendous relief for their loved ones.

If you've ever settled a loved one's affairs after death, you know it can be difficult to plan a funeral or memorial service, because the grief and stress of loss can make decisions even more challenging.

Speaking of the types of memorial services, here is some basic information about the most common types of memorial services. Some people want all of these options; others want none.

Viewing（瞻仰遗容）. This is an opportunity for family and friends to view or sit with the body. A viewing is commonly held at a funeral home or mortuary, but sometimes people may choose other places -- for example, their home, a community hall, or a church.

Wake(守夜). Traditionally, a wake is a gathering to celebrate and remember the life of the person who has died. Often characterized by both sadness and gaiety, this gathering can be an important part of the grieving process, allowing family and friends the opportunity to come together and comfort each other. A wake is often held at a family home or a mortuary that offers wake services.

Funeral（葬礼）. A funeral is a traditional memorial ceremony, usually held in a funeral home or a church. The body is often present, in either an open or closed casket. Beyond that, there are no absolutes or requirements for planning a funeral. If the deceased person was religious, the funeral often includes a brief mass, blessing, or prayer service.

That’s it all about the western types of the memorial services. Let’s take on a movie journey to get to know more about the ways that western people honor the death. Shall we start it now? The following passage is from the movie: P.S. I love you. Here is the memorial ceremony that Holly holds for her dead husband Gerry. Check it out. 

在PS I love You 这部电影中，Holly年纪轻轻就失去了丈夫。这一天，亲友们从四面八方赶来，在Holly妈妈开的酒馆里，为Holly的丈夫Gerry举办了一个memorial ceremony。主持这种活动的人多为牧师，或是圈子中德高望重的人。 

P.S. I Love you（电影《附言：我爱你》片段）

Well, as Gerry would say, let's get this party started. Gerry Kennedy did not want a lot of words. He preferred music. He was a unique young man...as you can see by the urn he had designed by the love of his life...his wife, Holly. His life may be over for now, but we can still hear it. He lives in us forever in our hearts...like his favorite song. 

我的解读：

如果Gerry在世的话，他会这样说：让我们的派对开始吧。Gerry不需要我们用太多的言语去追忆他，他更喜欢音乐这种表达形式。他是个很独特、很出类拔萃的年轻人，这一点你从他的挚爱、他妻子—Holly为他设计的骨灰罐上就不难看出。虽然他的一生结束了，但他的音容笑貌犹在。因为他将永远活在我们的心里，就像他最喜欢的这首歌中唱的一样： 

Got on a lucky one(有个幸运的人)

Came in eighteen to one(刚好在某一刻出现)

I've got a feeling(我有种感觉)

This year's for me and you（今年是属于你我的一年）

So happy Christmas，I love you, baby（圣诞快乐！我爱你，我的宝贝）

I can see a better time（我能预见更好的未来）

When all our dreams come true…（在那里我们的梦想很快都能实现） 

The next passage is from the movie Elizabeth Town. Since Drew’s dad--Mitch suddenly died in his hometown—Elizabeth Town, his friends and family all come to the stage to honor his death in the memorial ceremony, and remind of the old days they spent with Mitch. His mom is the last one to give out her speech: 

在电影《伊丽莎白小镇》当中，男主角Drew的爸爸Mitch忽然在家乡伊丽莎白镇去世，亲友们在这里为他举办了隆重的葬礼和纪念活动。大家共同追忆了和Mitch共度的时光，描述了Mitch的种种趣事。追念活动的尾声，Drew母亲的这段话，让人感触良多。难怪西方人强调“去世但不逝去”这种说法，逝者已逝，唯有怀念不变；逝者已逝，活着的人更要好好面对生活，这才是对逝者最大的藉慰。

Elizabeth Town（电影《伊丽莎白小镇》片段）

I'm a little nervous. But here we are. It's been a while. There was this shorthand of a long marriage. We were complete opposites, and it worked. The plan was to send... my son to represent the family. I was terrified that you would look at me and see... that woman from California who took him away. Even though we only lived in California as a family... for 18 months, 27 years ago... I always... felt it. All because I was standing in an elevator in Tokyo... and this handsome captain walked in... on his way home to Elizabethtown. And he was engaged. And so was l. And somehow I hijacked him and took him to Disneyland! But something happened between us... that was not part of the plan. We were in love. Let me tell you a little bit about life without Mitch. I wanted to get to know about Mitch's car... and it actually ate me. I went to the bank and the teller looked at me strangely... and I got home and I looked at myself in the mirror... and my face was still green from a facial mask... that I had forgotten to take off. And I called our insurance man of 30 years... whose son Mitch had actually helped to get into West Point... to tell him that Mitch was gone. He didn't call me back for two days. The car, the bank, the insurance man, the world. I mean, nobody truly cared. Not like us. I always wanted to learn to tap dance... so I took tap dance lessons. And I wanted to learn... Yeah, I did. And I wanted to learn to cook organically...and so I attempted that. And I fixed the toilet. Yeah. All by myself. And I wanted to learn to laugh. Why couldn't I be funnier when Mitch was alive? But you know, I figured it out. It takes time to be funny...and it takes time to extract joy from life. So I enrolled in comedy school. Yeah, I did. I know, I know. I was the oldest one in the class. Thank you. And we were told to tell a story. Something true, something that really happened to us. So I got up there and I talked about my husband...and the love he left behind… Oh, dear. He rooted for all of you. I love you. This is for you, your favorite song... on a Saturday night. 

我的解读：

我有点紧张，因为有段时间没来这里了，不过我们最终还是来了。有种说法可以概括我们漫长的婚姻, 我俩是截然不同的两种人，但是却相处得很融洽…… 本来的计划是由我的儿子来代表全家讲话，因为我担心你们大家会怪罪我，这个来自加州的女人，当年抢走了你们最爱的人。毕竟，自从我们结婚后，Mitch就很少回来。尽管二十七年前，我们只在加州住了十八个月…… 但我一直能感觉得到，Mitch因为和我结合而远离了你们，这件事特别让你们介怀。当年我们相遇在东京，有次我乘电梯，忽然一位英俊的军官走了进来，他当时正准备返回他在伊丽莎白镇的家。 我们各有婚约，但不知怎么搞的我拉他同游了迪斯尼乐园! 接着，奇妙的事情发生了。这完全不在我们的计划之中，我们相爱了…… 让我来讲讲在没有Mitch的日子里我是怎么度过的吧！从前家里大大小小的事情都是由Mitch打理的，现在我要自己学着去修他的车，结果差点被车子的引擎盖夹住了头。我去银行的时候，出纳员用特别诧异的目光望着我，回到家里照着镜子我才发现，原来自己满脸绿色，敷着的面膜竟然忘了摘下来洗净……我打电话给我们的保险经纪...在过去的三十年间他一直和我们家有密切往来，他儿子进西点军校还是Mitch帮的忙……我告诉他米彻过世了，结果他两天都没给我回电话。我是说，整个世界其实没有人像我们这样，真正在乎Mitch的死活。我一直想学踢踏舞…… 所以Mitch走后我报名参加了踢踏舞学习班，我很想学，所以我做到了。我还想学有机烹调...所以我也做了尝试。接下来我不得不独自处理生活琐事，我还修了马桶, 没找任何人帮忙全靠的自己。我想学会微笑面对生活，近来也时常感慨，为什么Mitch活着的时候，我就不能风趣点呢? 后来我想明白，风趣是需要时间的…… 从生活中找寻快乐也是需要时间的。所以我上了喜剧学校，成了众多学员中年龄最大的一个…… 老师让我们讲一个故事, 真实的、真正发生在我们身上的事，于是我站起来，给大家讲起了我的丈夫……还有他留下的那份爱…… 亲爱的家人朋友， Mitch有了你们的关爱和支持可以入土为安了。我爱你，这是献给你的，你最爱的那首歌……

Desperate Housewives(美剧《绝望的主妇》片段)

飓风过去后的下午，Tom和孩子们被从废墟中救出来，全都安然无恙，只有Mrs. McCluscky的朋友Ada不幸遇难。Lenette的儿子Parker告她，Ada是为了救他们才遇难的，Lenette听后为自己先前对Ada的不友好而负疚不已。听说Ada想把自己的骨灰洒在曾经热爱过的棒球球场，Lenette 和Mrs. McCluscky决心帮助Ada实现遗愿，两人有天趁天黑偷溜进了棒球场。在为好友洒骨灰之前，Mrs. McCluscky为Ada献上了一首小诗，题为《别在我的墓前为我哭泣》：

Lenette: do you maybe wanna say sth first?

Mrs McCluscky: um, yes, I guess so. 

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

别在我的墓前为我哭泣

I’m not there, I do not sleep

我不在那里 我没有长眠

I am a thousands winds that blow

我是吹过的缕缕微风

I am the diamond gleams of snow

我是雪花的点点光芒

I am the sunlight on ripe and grain,

我是照在成熟庄稼上的阳光

I am the gentle autumn’s rain

我是秋天如丝的细雨

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

别在我的墓前为我哭泣

I am not there, I did not die.

我不在那里 我没有离开人世